Summertime at the Movies

About 3 years ago, I was looking around at the local Goodwill store and saw a relatively new paperback book by Stephen King on the shelf. It was a collection of short stories called, "Everything's Eventual". I prefer to read King's short stories over his full novels. The shorts are less of an investment and get to the point much faster. Don't get me wrong. I am a pretty big fan of foreplay (just not when it comes to reading).

One of the stories in "Eventual" is called "1408". I remember reading it one early evening laying on my bed. It was a pretty good read. Imagine my surprise when I heard that it was being made into a motion picture starring John Cusack as the protagonist. King films are usually a hit-or-miss affair, but there have been a number of good ones.

Earlier this month, the reviews started coming in for the new movie. They were generally positive. I didn't get around to seeing the flick over its first couple weeks of release, but finally managed to yesterday afternoon. Though it was only PG-13 and not R, there was plenty of creepiness to be found over the film's 94 minutes. Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson were both solid in a film that could've easily slipped off into the deep end.

I wasn't entirely enraptured by the movie (as I hoped I'd be), but if you enjoy movies like the "The Ring" and "The Others", this is similarly spooky (though not quite as good as either).

Office Swear Jar

For a few chuckles, click here.

Coming Soon

Yours Truly, Summer '7

2000 Part II

Continuing my look at the movies I went to in 2000, in May, I went to what turned out to be my favorite movie of the year. It's a fantastic epic that won Best Picture and Best Actor for Russell Crowe. It was the movie that kicked off the summer of '00. I'm talkin' about "Gladiator".

About halfway through the movie, Maximus exclaims to a large crowd, "Are you not entertained?!", and indeed, I was.

Later that month, I saw a very funny, raunchy comedy called "Road Trip". "Shanghai Noon" was a pleasant film that starred Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson. In an overview of Tom Cruise movies that I did some time ago, I mentioned how kick-ass "Mission Impossible: II" was (especially the motorcycle chase late in the movie).

Two of my all-time favorite comedies came out in the summer of 2000. The first reteamed Jim Carrey with the Farrelly brothers: "Me, Myself, and Irene". It was great to see Jim in an R-rated movie where he could swear up a storm without the restrictions of a PG-13 rating. The other was also R-rated, a sendup of horror movies put together by the Wayans brothers. I went to it 3 times that summer, "Scary Movie".

This is one of my favorite scenes from "Scary Movie":

CINDY: Hi. You had me worried there for a minute. I thought the killer got to you before I could.

BOBBY: Could what?

Cindy kisses him in an obviously drunk and slutty way.

CINDY: Why don't we go ahead upstairs and whatever…

Bobby and Cindy walk hand and hand upstairs.

INT. CINDY'S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Cindy and Bobby sitting on the bed, talking.

CINDY: So….

BOBBY: So, here we are again.

CINDY: Yeah.

BOBBY: And if you're not ready still,I'll understand.

CINDY: But I am ready.

BOBBY: You are?

CINDY: Yeah, I figured out that I have to live my own life and I can't keep fighting my urges. I have to give in and let them flow.

BOBBY: This is like a scene in a movie.

CINDY: Only this is real life, it's not a movie.

BOBBY: Sure it is..There's the sound man and the script supervisor...

WE SEE THE SOUND MAN AND SCRIPT SUPERVISOR WATCHING.

CINDY: What I mean is in real life you have to enjoy each moment.

Cindy takes off her shirt. Bobby does the same. They kiss passionately, licking each others' mouths, flicking their tongues. The two tongues start wildly slapping and lapping together until they end up hopelessly tied and knotted together. Cindy and Bobby lay down on the bed. Cindy starts to kiss his chest. She works her way down to his belly button then starts back up. Bobby gingerly pushes her head back down. They play tug of war. Finally, Cindy surrenders. She unzips his pants. Cindy looks up innocently.

CINDY: You know, I've never really done this before.

BOBBY: It's okay. It's just like sucking a tootsie pop.

Cindy lowers her head. We hear the sounds.Lick! Lick! Slurp!

BOBBY: That's it, that's right. Just like that.

Slurp. Suddenly CRUNCH! Bobby screams with pain.

CINDY: I never could wait to get to the chewy middle.

Bobby recovers.

BOBBY: Come here, let me.

Bobby slides off Cindy's pants. He's startled by bats flying out. They continue to make out. He tries to take off her panties, but struggles.

CINDY: Here, let me.

His eyes gleam with heated anticipation as she lowers her panties. Cindy grabs him by the head and pushes it down. She moans with ecstasy. We hearBobby struggling to breath.

CINDY: To the left! Faster! Higher! Wait!

She draws him a map and gives it to him along with a compass. Cindy finally lets Bobby up. He coughs up a hairball.

CINDY: I want sex.

BOBBY: Okay, let me just get my pants off.

Bobby stands up and takes off his pants.

BOBBY: Are you sure?

CINDY: I want it now!

She slams him down, tears the remainder of his clothes off and begins to ride him like a human sit and spin.

INT. CINDY'S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT The party stops. The house shakes. Plaster falls from the ceiling. A loud howling noise is echoed throughout the house.

INT. CINDY'S ROOM – NIGHT Bobby feels himself ready to climax.

BOBBY: Oh my God! I can't hold it..OOOOO!!!

He cums, sending Cindy blasting off into the air as he shoots a geyser of jizz. Close on Bobby, his body caves in as fluids leave his body. Cindy is stuck to the ceiling.

I saw Mel Gibson voice a rooster in "Chicken Run" and play a colonial-era revolutionary in "The Patriot". I also saw Bruce Willis in "The Kid". Harrison Ford had a good turn in the suspenseful "What Lies Beneath", Eddie Murphy was funny in "Nutty Professor II: The Klumps", Clint Eastwood and Tommy Lee Jones were OK, but a bit dull in "Space Cowboys".

J-Lo was really wack in "The Cell".

Here's a synopsis of that movie's plot:

Catharine Deane (J-Lo) is a psychotherapist who is part of a revolutionary new treatment which allows her mind to literally enter the mind of her patients. Her experience in this method takes an unexpected turn when an FBI agent comes to ask for a desperate favor. They had just tracked down a notorious serial killer, Carl Stargher, whose MO is to abduct women one at a time and place them in a secret area where they are kept for about 40 hours until they are slowly drowned. Unfortunately, the killer has fallen into an irreversible coma which means he cannot confess where he has taken his latest victim before she dies. Now, Catherine Deane must race against time to explore the twisted mind of the killer to get the information she needs, but Stargher's damaged personality poses dangers that threaten to overwhelm her.

Internet Crash

Officials confirm that all online data has been lost after the Internet crashed and was forced to restart.

Sambo's

In the late 70's and early 80's, there was many a Sunday afternoon in which our family would go to a restaurant called Sambo's. I don't recall if the food was good, but it must've been pretty decent. I do remember, on many occasions, my father going up to the register and picking up a toothpick as he paid the bill.

My most memorable meal there was an afternoon in 1983. It was our whole family, all 7 of us. We were seated in a back room that offered more seating than just booths and small tables. It was quite crowded there as usual. While we waited for our food to come, my dad told my mom about a business arrangement he had set up with a mutual friend, Doris, in which they (he and Doris) would rent motor homes to customers. My mom was mighty perturbed saying he should have told her about this before committing to it. I have a feeling he got his head chewed off even more later that night when they were alone with the kids in bed. Perhaps this was one of the factors that led her to seek a divorce the following year. Either way, Sambo's days were numbered (In the next few years, virtually all the Sambo's closed or were turned into Denny's).

The restaurant in Winona is a Beier's now, but when I go back there, I can't help but recall what it used to be, all those years ago.

Sunday Drive

Yesterday afternoon, I did something I've not done in years. I ate in a car. I never eat in the car. I'd rather be doin' my munchin' in a restaurant or at home. However, yesterday I went with a friend to Spring Valley (a small town located about 25 miles from Rochester). Spring Valley has a drive-in A&W restaurant. If you didn't know, A&W has pretty dang good burgers. The only A&W in Rochester is in the food court at the mall and I rarely hit the mall, so I just had to take the Whoppertunity to eat at the home of the frosty mug. We pulled in, rolled down our windows, and took a look at the menu. We pushed a button on the menu board and placed our order. About 10 minutes later, a lady on roller skates came out with our order. Alright, she didn't actually have skates on. We had the air on as we ate (the outside temp was 95) and headed back to Rochester with full stomachs and frosty little mugs dancing in our heads.

Side Splitting

Diet pill’s icky side effects keep users honest


Sometimes, you can’t stop your weight-loss secrets from leaking out.

Dieters have been flocking to drugstores to pick up Alli, the first over-the-counter weight-loss pill to be approved by the FDA, despite the scary warning: Stray too far from your low-fat diet and you just might poop your pants.

The drug’s maker, GlaxoSmithKline, has been up front about the pill’s side effects, suggesting that first timers wear dark pants or bring a change of clothes to work until they get used to the diet pill’s potentially yucky consequences.

Still, it seems there’s no shortage of people willing to risk public humiliation to shed a few pounds. Even though pharmacist Miyuki Anderson, who works at a Bartell Drugs in Seattle, warns everyone who eyes the Alli display about the messy side effects, it doesn’t stop most of them from buying the diet pill. (Anderson does, however, arm them with this helpful tip: “I tell the patients, try when you have a day off.”)

The drugmaker states very clearly that it’s no miracle drug, and only promises to help people toward moderate weight loss. For example, if someone were to lose 10 pounds from dieting, they’d lose 15 by combining their diet with Alli.

The diet pill works by blocking 25 percent of fat from being digested. Alli users take one pill with every meal, and to avoid an “Alli oops,” they should eat less than 42 grams of fat a day, or about 15 grams per meal. But those fat grams can be sneaky. One grande Starbucks Caramel Frappuccino contains 15 grams of fat, and if an Alli user adds even a low-fat muffin to that meal, it could get icky.

“It’s so important to understand that you must adopt a low-fat, healthy lifestyle,” Jones says. “We call them treatment effects — that’s a signal for you that you’re not staying in the guidelines. What Alli will not do is make up for not living a healthy lifestyle.”

But we don’t always like to bother with directions. Those who haven’t completely followed instructions offer cautionary tales on the drug company’s Web site.

“(I)’ve pooped my pants 3 times today, and sorry to get descriptive but it even leaked onto the couch at one point!” writes one user.

It can strike any time — even in the early hours of the morning. One user writes: “(Y)a know how when you start moving around in the morning ya pass a little gas. Well, I did and then went into the bathroom and to my horror I had an orange river of grease running down my leg.”

Fellow cheaters advise each other on the best clean-up methods, and some even suggest using panty liners or Depends. One frugal user noted, “I’m thinking that infant diapers might be a cheaper way to go, just use them as a large pad.”

The gross side effects might scare away the less-committed, but some experts appreciate Alli’s very real, very immediate consequences of cheating on your diet.

“It forces you to eat a lower-fat diet — if you don’t, you’re violently penalized for not doing so,” says David Sarwer, the director of clinical services at the Center for Weight Loss and Eating Disorders. “When they eat a little too much fat, they’ll learn not to do it again.”

The drugmaker claims Alli is promoting healthier lifestyles by teaching users that weight loss involves eating healthy food and getting enough exercise — and Sarwer agrees.

“People who are struggling with their weight assume that thin people never think about what they eat,” Sarwer says. “I’ve always been impressed by patients who really rolled with the punches with some of these events. They say, ‘Well, I learned that I couldn’t do that. It taught me to eat differently.’ And that’s where I think Alli can be the greatest benefit.”

Side effects are avoidable. Some Alli enthusiasts have been conscientious enough to avoid any side effects. Carole McMahan, who’s trying to lose 10 pounds, started taking Alli the day the product hit drugstore shelves on June 15, and has been careful to follow the low-fat diet.

“No pun intended, but I’m very anal about it,” says McMahan, who’s 44 and lives in Greensboro, N.C. She appreciates the way Alli holds her accountable to her eating habits.

“I started very cautiously, and I’ve just grown more and more comfortable with it,” McMahan says. “I just follow the diet. I knew I couldn’t go out and order hot fudge cake.”

Still, as some obesity experts point out, if you’ve made a change in your eating habits, why is a diet pill necessary? Drewnowski, the Seattle public-health researcher, says that hearing “Alli oops” stories frustrates him.

“I think it's utterly revolting, frankly,” Drewnowski says. “It controls your life — you focus on it all day. It’s like walking around with a colostomy bag.”

Instead of investing money in a diet pill, he encourages people to take the money they would’ve spent on Alli and put it toward buying healthier food. (A 20-day supply of Alli costs about $45 to $55.)

“See how much money you are spending on food daily,” Drewnowski says. “Factor in the extra amount for this drug and spend the entire amount on better food. You'll be happier and better nourished — and not obese.”

He adds, “I can't think that a healthy lifestyle requires carrying a spare pair of underpants.”

First hand account from one of my brothers

The following took place in the early 90's:

I had just bought a slingshot and wanted to practice with it. I remember going into the blue building and the garage door was open, the one facing Broadway. I saw a screw laying on the floor in there and loaded it into the slingshot.

This guy in a station wagon passed by and stopped at the stop sign. He then started driving up the block. I walked out of the garage and just aimed up the street at him. I couldn't believe it, it took out his back window with the first shot I ever made with that! His brake lights came on, and he majorly hit them hard, his whole rear end came pretty high up off the ground. He must have thought someone was shooting a gun at him.

I flew back into the garage and then came out that one door facing the brown building and never ran so fast into the house and then hid out for a while.

I was pretty scared, but nothing happened luckily.

Boozin'

Some of you may be wondering if I've had any pleasant alcohol experiences of late. Well, after being hooked on the fuzzy navel for some time, I've moved on to the screwdriver (OJ and vodka). As a kid, I drank orange juice all the time. Now, I never even buy the stuff (too acidy for my tastes these days). I first tried the driver about 2 weeks ago. Damn! It tasted like pure vodka! I told the barkeep and she brought out some more OJ to help dilute the hard stuff. Ahh. That's better. My head started buzzin' a tick. This one lady was talkin', but I was hearing her as if from a distance (it's hard to explain). Let me just say that it was interesting. I had another one this past weekend. I hear that a Long Island Iced Tea is the shit. Perhaps one day I'll find out for myself...

On Friday evening, I was with some friends on the patio of a bar. We were all sitting around a fire pit. I went to the bar to get a beer for my main squeeze. I headed back to the pit with her change in my hand. I thought of something amusing I could do and went for it. With 6 bucks in my hand, I pretended to trip just a few feet from the pit and then bent over forwards, getting really close to the fire in the process (the bills were just a few inches from the flames). A few people started laughing (it's not difficult to make those who've had a few do so) and I took another sip of my driver. That's summertime for ya.

Enjoy your 4th, kiddies!

Dr. Jones

Shia LaBeouf and Harrison Ford in a shot from the new Indy movie

2000

Remember how happy everyone was in January of 2000? All those zeroes couldn't help but put a big smile on everyone's face. I went to tons of movies that year, so let's get it started.

In the early part of the year, I saw "Snow Day". Not the greatest, but it was good to see Chevy Chase back. "Boiler Room" was an interesting "Wall Street"-type movie. My favorite scenes were the ones in which Ben Affleck, as a successful businessman, was "motivating" his underlings:

Jim Young (Ben Affleck): They say money can't buy happiness? Look at the fucking smile on my face. Ear to ear, baby. Anybody who tells you money is the root of all evil doesn't fucking have any. There's an important phrase that we use here, and I think it's time that you all learned it. Act as if. You understand what that means? Act as if you are the fucking President of this firm. Act as if you got a 9" cock. Okay? Act as if. You become an employee of this firm, you will make your first million within three years. I'm gonna repeat that - you will make a million dollars.

I was a big fan of the "Scream" movies, so was first in line for the final installment, "Scream 3". It was a decent send off for the trilogy. "Hanging Up" was a total chick flick starring Meg Ryan and Diane Keaton. I didn't care for it very much. Same goes for Bruce Willis and Matthew Perry in "The Whole Nine Yards". Michael Douglas and Tobey Maguire were fantastic in "Wonder Boys", however. I look forward to revisiting the film sometime soon. Me and Shanon went to see Garry Shandling in "What Planet Are You From?" (pretty weak). "Erin Brockovich", on the other hand, was excellent with Julia very deserving of the Oscar she won for it.

One of the most compelling plots for a movie can be found in "Final Destination": "Alex, a teen has a premonition that a flight he's on headed to France will crash. He convinces his friends not to board the flight and the plane does crash. Soon after though, the teens are stalked and killed by Death who is intent on collecting the souls of those who cheated it". It does make you wonder if there is a certain time in which one is "supposed" to die and what happens if you don't. The opening 30 minutes of the movie are just fantastic.

I saw "Malcolm in the Middle's" Frankie Muniz in the heartwarming, "My Dog Skip".

Excellent movie, especially if you're a dog lover. As Skip got older in the movie, I remember sadly reflecting that one day my own Zoe would get old. Little did I know that her passing would occur later that same year (at the too-young age of 3 and a half).

I enjoyed John Cusack and a then-relatively unknown Jack Black in "High Fidelity". "Keeping the Faith" was an interesting flick (it's about two friends, a priest and a rabbi, who fall in love with the same beauty). "28 Days", which starred Sandra Bullock as a woman in rehab was passable. "Return To Me", starring David Duchovny, was a very enjoyable romantic dramedy.

Matthew McConaughey was kick-ass (along with Jon Bon Jovi!) in the submarine thriller "U-571". "Frequency" was a very good kinda-time-travel movie starring Dennis Quaid.

And that takes us through the first 4 months of '00.

I shall continue this overview soon.

Let's Go To Nashville!

In the summer of 1983, our family went on a vacation to Nashville, Tennessee. It took a couple days to get there. We drove down in a real neato RV. Driving in an RV was cool. You could lay down in the bed in the back if you were tired, chew on some munchies at the kitchen table if you got hungry, and take a leak (or worse) in the bathroom if necessary.

Once we arrived in Nashville, we headed first for the Nashville KOA. There were probably hundreds of RV's parked there. Some people just had pop-ups, but that doesn't mean we thought we were better than them. They had a freakin' huge arcade in the main building. All my favorite games were there, including Gyruss and Tempest. And lots of food. This was gonna be cool.

The next day, we headed out to the Opryland amusement park. They had a crapload of music shows to see, but also quite a few rides like the roller coaster, merry-go-round, etc. I remember being flabbergasted at how many people my age were wearing these shirts:



I wish I could have been as cool as they. One other thing I remember about that day is my sister getting sick and throwing up. My parents kept an eye on her the rest of the day. Incidentally, the Opryland amusement park closed its doors in 1997 mostly because they didn't have any more room in which to put newer rides to keep up with the times.

While in Nashville, we also went on a bus tour through some of the notable areas in town, including the Parthenon, a full-scale reproduction of the original Greek one.

On one of the evenings, we went into the KOA campgrounds' concert hall. We listened to some good ol' country music and actually had our picture taken with one of the singers. That singer ended up being...get ready...Vince Gill.

Just kidding, but wouldn't that have been something?

We also went to the Grand Ole Opry. I was into pop music at this time, but it was a pretty good show.

Next, we were off to Memphis and Graceland. Graceland had just opened a year or two prior (Remember that in 1983, it had only been 6 years since the King had passed on). We saw his tennis courts, his living room with 3 tellys, his gold albums, even his grave. The only place we couldn't go is upstairs where he actually passed.

After that, there was another amusement park to go to. It was called Libertyland and upon arriving at the park, my sister threw up again. Can you believe it? And she hadn't even gone on any rides yet. Oh well. This park has also since closed (in October of '05), again in large part due to not being able to keep up with the bigger parks.

It wasn't long before we headed back home to Minnesota. The following summer, we again went to Nashville, this time without my mother (she was living on her own now), but with my dad's business partner and her friend.

Inspired by my travels, I wrote a short song about our adventures down south. I called it "Nashville Tours" and for backing music, used the piano theme from the movie "Ghostbusters". I recorded it one afternoon while living in the trailer that my family resided in (don't ask). The chorus went like this:

Nashville Tours, those good ol' Nashville Tours,
Let's Go to Nashville, those good ol' Nashville,
Let's Go to Nashville, those good ol' Nashville

My Old Stomping Grounds

Pictured above is a present-day pic of 133 Washington St in Rollingstone, MN. From 1978-1984, we lived right next door at 131 Washington (that house can be seen on the left). Looking at that pic brings back a lot of memories. My brother, Mike, as a 5 year old, would stand near that tree and watch the Land O Lakes trucks leave in the morning (a Land O Lakes was located just across the street from us). An older couple named the Lemmers' lived in 133. They were quite nice. I remember one day our family was talking to the Lemmers' in the back yard and my brother, Matt, took the opportunity to peek under Mrs. Lemmer's dress (I'm not sure what he saw, but I bet it would explain a lot). We must've seemed like quite the happy family back then. I heard that the Lemmers' cried when they found out Mom and Dad were getting divorced. My sister's bedroom was in the back (just to the right of the tree). On many nights, she would not want to sleep in her room because the bed was cold. I remember she used to have underwear that had the days of the week on them. I wonder if she still does...

Needless to say, some of the happiest moments of my childhood occurred while I was living in that house.

Al Qaeda Also Fed Up With Ground Zero Construction Delays

With the reconstruction of Ground Zero finally underway, anchor Brandon Armstrong invites two guests to discuss the progress.

New Religion Part III

In the late 70's, with my dad at work as an accountant, my mom took us kids to the Kingdom Hall on many Wednesday mornings. Once there, a short talk was given by an elder. After that, my mom headed out with other JW's to go door-to-door preaching the "good news". I (and my siblings) stayed back and played downstairs. I vividly remember one morning being there and looking at the storybook of the Disney movie, "The Aristocats". That's right. We didn't always have to be reading JW literature in the Kingdom Hall (but only really if you were a child). The downstairs had a fireplace, but I don't recall ever seeing it in use.

In an adjacent room down there was a relatively sizable JW library along with a table and chairs. I found out later that this is where many "strayed" Witnesses were counseled and sometimes disfellowshipped. I can't even begin to think of all the pain that people experienced in that small room, but as a child, I had no idea. I do recall one evening my mom pointing out a man who had been disfellowshipped. He regularly attended meetings, but no one was allowed to talk to him. After a certain period of time (if he was a good boy), he most likely was reinstated. I remember thinking that he must have done something pretty bad for the congregation to treat him that way.

One summer, the Witnesses had a get-together at a place called Farmer's Park (it was located about 10 miles from Winona). This is probably gonna shock the shit out of a few of you, but they actually had water balloons there. A bunch of kids (including me) grabbed one and proceeded to try to hit someone, anyone. It didn't matter. We just wanted the simple pleasure of getting somebody wet. There was this one guy who was a regular speaker at our Hall. I wanted to get him wet in the worst way. I got as close to him as I could and threw the balloon. God damn it! He dodged the balloon just as it was about to hit him!

I drowned my sorrow by grabbing a few hot dogs. I wasn't sure where my parents were, so found a picnic table to eat said weiners. I could've sat on either side of the table. One side faced all the Witnesses having fun and playing games, the other, just grass and trees. I chose to face the quietude of nature.

I guess that says a lot about me.

Good Samaritans

On Saturday afternoon, Shanon was helping me move a sofa I had bought. We carried it from his van to my front door. While we were carrying it, I noticed two guys riding bikes coming towards us. They were both wearing white short-sleeve shirts.

I knew what this meant and quickly thought of something to say if they approached us. If they started in on their religion, I was gonna say that I'm not giving up masturbation (their literature states that they are expressly against it). I don't give a shit if I go to hell. Fact is, I don't do it much anyway, but I'd rather have the option on the table just in case.

They saw us struggling with the couch and asked if they could assist us. I knew what they were thinking and quickly declined. They probably coulda helped us get the couch in faster, but it wouldn't have been worth the earful that we would've received.

Lucky

On Friday evening, I went with my girl to a local bar. We sat down and talked for a bit. She said that she was feeling lucky. No, not like that, you dirty devils. She had the feeling that she might win some moolah. She asked if I'd even done pulltabs before.

I said my friend, Shanon, did, but I had no idea how they worked. She said she very rarely played them, but would like to give it a shot that evening. She asked me to accompany her to the pulltab machine. She put twenty dollars into the receptacle, then had to decide if she wanted 1 or 2 dollar tabs. I told her to pick the 1's. The machine spit out 20 tickets. She gathered them together and we went back to our table.

She then dealt each of us 10 cards and we proceeded to play. She told me that if she won more than $50, she would split it with me. Cool! I wanted to take my time with them (maybe open one every 5 minutes or so), but she just ripped through 'em. All of hers came up dry as I continued opening mine. Damn, I really thought that her feeling lucky would get some type of win for us. Oh well. I only had a couple left. I tore one and noticed some marking on the bottom that wasn't on the others. It appeared that we had won a dollar. As Anakin Skywalker would say (in Episode I), "Yippee!"

My girl looked at the card and said she thought we had won more than that. I then noticed that there was a red line that went through all three "bars" on that same ticket (I hadn't seen it before). I turned the card over and it said that particular pattern was a $100 winner. Very nice! I asked her what the next step was. She said to go up to the bartender to collect her (our) winnings. She strode up there with quite a smile on her face.

The barkeep looked at her tic and did some paperwork for it. My babe looked back at me (still seated) and said she thinks it is actually a $200 winner. That would be sweet! From the table, I heard the bar boy giving her the money. 20, 40, 60, 80, 100, 20, 40, 60, 80, 100. Oh yeah! As promised, she gave me half ($100). She "invested" $20 and got $200 back (a 1,000 percent return!) We were both quite happy as we put the cash in our wallet/purse.

I said that if we did the same trick every weekend, eventually we would lose money (how else would the machine stay in business?) We won't make a habit of hitting the tabs regularly for this reason. As the night went on, about 5 people went to the tab machine to buy their own tickets. My girl commented that they most likely wouldn't win and, indeed, none of those patrons went up to the bar to claim any winnings that we saw. No, we were the fortunate ones that evening.

She felt lucky, acted upon it, and I got laid. No, I mean, she felt lucky, acted upon it, and because of that, we now have lots of cash money to take us through the rest of this month. High-five!!

June 21, 2007

For the first time since 1989, Harrison Ford dons the familiar costume as "Indiana Jones and the City of the Gods" begins production under the direction of Steven Spielberg. The movie, set in the 1950s, also stars Shia LaBeouf and Cate Blanchett and will be released on May 22, 2008.