Go Home Happy!

Struggling Blockbuster Eliminates Rental Fees

Let me tell you right now that I don't feel the least bit sorry for Blockbuster Video and their current woes. Why? Well, several years ago, when it was still fashionable to rent movies, I would go to Blockbuster looking for videos of independent movies. I would rarely find them there. Sure, they had 50 copies of "Gladiator", but what of the smaller stuff?

Turns out Blockbuster refused to stock movies that were unrated. Now, I'm not talking about pornos. I'm referring to indie movies that were a bit too hard to get an R-rating or were from overseas. I had to go to a non-corporate video store (Premiere Video) to get an unrated (the version preferred by critics) copy of "Requeim for a Dream".

Blockbusta did this in order to ensure their rep as a "family" store. However, they were fine with stocking DVD's that had unrated extras on them (such as "Fight Club").

Around this same time, Blockbuster struck deals with some movie companies in which they would be the only place to stock various lesser-known movies (stuff no one had heard of). They would stock 30 copies of each of these titles and then people, seeing the vast amount of copies, would wonder why they had never heard of the movie and, feeling that they had missed something, would rent one of 'em (they were mostly crap).

Suffice it to say that Blockbuster sucks and I am quite pleased that the last BB in town a few months ago.

One of the weirdest questions anyone's ever asked me

On one blissful spring evening, I was having "relations" with my significant other and had to go to the bathroom. I came back and we continued where we left off. Later that evening, she asked me the following:

"How do you pee with a hard-on?"

Mistakes Were Made

The following is an interesting piece based on a new book about cognitive dissonance called, "Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts" by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson:

We want our politicians, business leaders, physicians, prosecuting attorneys, and love partners to own up to their errors and bad decisions, without weaseling. More important, we want them to correct their mistakes and learn from them. But before they can do that, they have to be aware that they actually did make a mistake or a bad decision. How come we can see their mistakes so clearly and not our own? As decades of studies in cognitive science have demonstrated, the brain is designed with blind spots, psychological as well as optical, and one of its cleverest tricks is to confer on us the comforting delusion that we, personally, do not have any. We have no biases, we know why our small immoralities are justified and theirs are not, we know that our beliefs are valid and theirs are full of holes. These hardwired, self-serving habits of thinking are why everyone can see a hypocrite in action except the hypocrite, why husbands and wives can see the partner’s stubborn unwillingness to change but not their own, and why the most villainous despots on earth sleep soundly at night.

When the fundamental belief that we are smart, moral, and kind crashes into the accusation that we did something stupid, immoral, or hurtful, we have major cognitive dissonance to resolve. Did I just commit an unethical act? I’m a good person; therefore my action was trivial, didn’t hurt anyone, and besides everyone does it. Did I make a decision that proved disastrously wrong? I’m a smart person; therefore that decision has to be right, even if it will take a few decades to prove it. In this way, the brain sees to it that the very need to maintain the belief that we are kind, smart, and moral can keep us stuck in a course of action that is cruel, stupid, or immoral.

Understanding how self-justification works helps to explain the mystery of George Bush. Why can’t the man ever admit that any of the specific predictions he and his administration made about Iraq were flat wrong? There were no WMD, there were no happy Iraqis pelting American soldiers with flowers, the “mission” was not “accomplished” in a short time, oil revenues did not subsidize the cost, and no united pro-Western government arose from the Saddam’s crushed regime. Indeed, political commentators across the spectrum have not only called upon Bush to admit he was wrong; they even wrote face-saving speeches for him. In 2005, Jonathan Rauch predicted that Bush would have to withdraw from Iraq or he would lose both houses of Congress in the 2006 elections, and what sane politician would risk that?

A self-justifying one. And that is why Alberto Gonzales is no George Bush. Gonzales may justify his ethical lapses and failure to uphold the Constitution as acts of loyalty to his president, but he undoubtedly knows what he is doing and what he has to do to protect his job. Bush’s actions, in contrast, suggest a man whose religious and political ideology has cocooned him in self-justification. He has systematically demoted or fired anyone who had the temerity to disagree with him, a sure sign of a leader unable to hear any information that might create dissonance about his decisions.

After the 2006 midterm elections, with Iraq in chaos, Bush no longer had an external incentive to “stay the course”; he could not run for reelection and the majority of the country wanted an end to the war. If Bush were acting pragmatically, he now had the perfect opportunity to accept the recommendations of his own Iraq Study Group and his top generals, who were telling him the war was unwinnable. But by then Bush had convinced himself that the invasion of Iraq was not a mistake. “I’ve never been more convinced that the decisions I made are the right decisions,” he told a delegation of conservative columnists. The only “mistakes,” he told the country in January, had to do with tactics. Ergo, if we are not winning, we need to do what we have been doing, only with more troops and more money.

Self-justification has benefits. It allows people to sleep at night, untroubled by regrets over roads not taken or by memories of embarrassing failures. But for those in positions of power, some sleepless nights are called for. When self-justification blinds them to evidence that a decision was wrong, disaster usually follows.

New Religion Part II

As noted last week, I was introduced to the Jehovah's Witness faith at the tender age of 5. There were a number of things that changed in my life due to this. For one, I could no longer go trick-or-treating (one of my earliest memories is of doing so in our neighborhood). I traded going door-to-door for candy for going door-to-door preaching (though I didn't do much evangelizing at this time since I was just a little shit). I also could no longer get birthday or Christmas presents. This didn't bother me too much since my parents made a concerted effort to get us kids presents now and then out-of-the-blue. We didn't feel like we were missing too much. In fact, my 3 youngest brothers grew up as JW's, so they didn't know anything different.

Some of you may be wondering why JW's aren't allowed to celebrate holidays. From the official website of the JW's:

"Jesus never commanded Christians to celebrate his birth. Rather, he told his disciples to memorialize, or remember, his death. Christmas and its customs come from ancient false religions. The same is true of Easter customs, such as the use of eggs and rabbits. The early Christians did not celebrate Christmas or Easter, nor do true Christians today. The only two birthday celebrations spoken of in the Bible were held by persons who did not worship Jehovah. The early Christians did not celebrate birthdays. The custom of celebrating birthdays comes from ancient false religions. True Christians give gifts and have good times together at other times during the year."

We also weren't allowed to do the Pledge of Allegiance, but looking back, I have absolutely no problem with this one (pledging allegiance to a flag strikes me as a tad too jingoistic and, dare I say it, fascist). When the teacher asked the class to do any type of Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, or Christmas art, I was assigned to do something else. It's something I just grew to accept. I also wasn't allowed to drink milk just before nap time. Stop rolling your eyes. There's a good reason for this. No, I'm just shittin' ya about the milk thing. I did have to drink chocolate milk, however, since I was (and still am) lactose.

Once or twice a year, our family went to JW conventions. We typically had to travel several hours to get there. The conventions would consist of 2 or 3 days of mostly "talks". But it wasn't all boring. Usually once or twice during the convention, there would be a play, or "drama", performed by Witnesses. They would re-enact some key passage of the Bible wearing period clothes. These presentations helped break up the monotony a bit. One other good thing about going out of town was being able to eat out every day (something I enjoy to this day). I can remember many occasions going to Bob's Big Boy and having a delicious hamburger.

One quite notable thing happened when our family went to Milwaukee County Stadium (where baseball's Milwaukee Brewers play) for a gigantic JW pow wow in '76. Tens of thousands of "brothers" and "sisters" were there. So much righteousness, so little time. Anyway, I was with my mom and siblings while dad was getting food or some such thing for us. We were walking through the concourse which was totally packed with people. My mom said she saw my dad up some stairs and asked me to obtain him for her. I said I didn't see him. But she told me to just head that way and I should see him. I sheepishly headed up the stairs and couldn't find the old man. Then I tried to go find my mom, but couldn't. Oh bother. No big whoop, though, since I knew exactly where we were sitting.

As I headed to our seats, this colored teenager asked what I was doing walking alone. I explained to him what happened and was about to say that I knew where my seat was, anyhoo, but before I could, he was leading me to the Lost and Found (person) section. He told me to sit and wait in a folding chair, that my parents should be along shortly. As I waited, I watched all the other families walk about, food in their hands, smiles on their faces. I stuck out my lower lip from time to time to try to get some of the passerby to feel sorry for me. "Look, an unhappy boy at a Jehovah's Witness convention. He can't be one of us."

Perhaps 45 minutes later, I saw my dad walking through the now-relatively-empty concourse (the afternoon session had now started). I saw relief come across his face as he saw me seated in the lost and found. I explained how I had been dragged to L&F, that I knew the whole time where our seats were. He smiled and we headed for our section, happy Jehovah's Witnesses once again.

I will continue with more of my Witness experiences next week.

1999 Part III

Carolyn Burnham: Uh, whose car is that out front?
Lester Burnham: Mine. 1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I've always wanted and now I have it. I rule!

It's difficult to describe my favorite movie of 1999, "American Beauty". I'll have to let someone else do so. Starring Kevin Spacey and Annette Bening, the movie won Best Picture and Spacey Best Actor at the 2000 Academy Awards.

The movie was getting fantastic reviews, so one fall afternoon in '99, I headed to the Galleria Theatres knowing I was going to see a good movie. I just didn't know how good.

Ricky Fitts: It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.

The movie just built and built to a transcendent finish that took place on a stormy night and as mentioned previously, I was shaken, taken to a place that movies rarely go.

Lester Burnham: How's Jane?
Angela Hayes: What do you mean?
Lester Burnham: I mean, how's her life? Is she happy? Is she miserable? I'd really like to know, and she'd die before she'd ever tell me about it.
Angela Hayes: She's... she's really happy. She thinks she's in love.
Lester Burnham: Good for her.
Angela Hayes: How are you?
Lester Burnham: God, it's been a long time since anybody asked me that... I'm great.
Angela Hayes: I've gotta go to the bathroom.
Lester Burnham: I'm great.

Exiting the theatre, I was on cloud 9. This is why I go to the movies. In a few months, 1999 would turn into 2000, but on that day, everything was perfect, exactly the way it was meant to be, and I believed in life and love and eternity.

Lester Burnham: [narrating] I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.

Ordering pizza in the near future

Make sure you have the sound turned on.

New Religion

When my parents married in '69 (heh, 69), they had a Catholic wedding (I've seen the pictures). I was baptized shortly after my birth (that's what my parents told me, anyhow) and were it not for a fortuitous occurence, would've most likely gone on to attend Catholic services for my entire childhood. However, in '75, my mom was visited by two people who were going door-to-door telling people about their religion. They were Jehovah's Witnesses. My mother was interested in what they had to say, so was visited numerous times by them over the next few months. My dad was against it (he was proud of being Catho-lick), but she finally convinced him that he should give it a try.

Here are some of their beliefs:

Heaven is only for select Jehovah's Witnesses
Heaven is limited only to 144,000 Jehovah's Witnesses
Jehovah's Witnesses are the only true Christians
There is no Hell (it is simply the grave)
Jesus is not to be worshiped or prayed to
All churches (non-JW's) are of Satan
You cannot take a blood transfusion
You cannot salute the flag, stand for the national anthem, or own a flag
If one does not follow the rules of the Watchtower, they will be shunned
You cannot celebrate any holidays (Christmas, Easter, etc.)
You cannot celebrate your birthday
You cannot have friends who are not Jehovah's Witnesses
You cannot understand the Bible without JW literature to explain it
A child abuser is reported to Watchtower elders and not the police
Men cannot wear beards
You are forbidden to use any tobacco products
You cannot read any anti-Jehovah's Witness material
If you see another Jehovah's Witness breaking the rules, you must turn them in to the elders to be interrogated
You cannot celebrate Mothers or Fathers day (it may produce pride)
God only speaks through the "Governing Body" in Brooklyn, New York
JWs in times of crisis, are strongly discouraged from consulting with family counselors, including mental health professionals who are not Jehovah's Witnesses
God will destroy all non-Jehovah's Witnesses at armageddon
You can never question what is printed in JW literature

My parents woke me up on a Sunday morning a few weeks later and said that we were going to the "Kingdom Hall". Being 5 years old, I imagined that we were actually going to be meeting a king. Scary. Instead we went to a house of worship that had no crosses or stained glass windows.

Everyone was very friendly to the new meat, I mean, people. The Jehovah's Witnesses have meetings three times a week (Tuesday evening, Thursday evening, Sunday morning). That was a lot of time for a kid to sit still, but I noticed that there were quite a few other kids that were also Witnesses. On many occasions, my dad took us to McDonalds after the meetings for an ice cream cone. That almost made sitting through the meetings worth it.

As I grew older and time went by, I learned more about the religion and accepted it as the truth (If my parents believed it, there must be something to it). I was a very good reader at quite a young age, so my dad asked if I would be interested in giving a short "talk" (reading from the Bible) at one of the Thursday night meetings. Let's see...go up in front of more than 100 God-fearing folks all decked out in a zoot suit and read a chapter from the Good Book. I didn't have the vocabulary at the time, but if I did, I woulda said, "Fuck off, Dad, and your circumcised donkey dick!" I said I'd give it some thought. He eventually convinced me to give it a shot.

So on one Thursday evening, I went up to the podium for all to see. I was definitely intimidated looking out at all the people, but fact is, most had smiles on their face and wanted me to do well. I did my reading (followed by a short commentary that my dad had put together) and as I left the stage, was greeted with a smattering of applause. Hearing all that clapping directed at me felt quite good. After the meeting, several people came up to me and said that they enjoyed my talk and looked forward to more from me in the future.

I will continue this story next week.

Pervert or Gentleman?

Oral Satisfaction

The two things I am most living for these days are food and sex. Since I don't want to bore you, I'll discuss the more interesting of the two. Over the past few years, there were quite a few restaurants that I regularly went to. For fast food, I liked Burger King, Taco John's, KFC, Wendy's, and Culver's. But ever since I first tried Wendy's chicken sandwich a couple months ago (and fell in love), on most late afternoons, you can find me at Wendy's eating said sandwich (or a single hamburger) along with either fries or a caesar salad (as well as a Frosty if I still have room). Wendy's is just down the road from where I work and is simply too inviting to resist.

A few years ago, one of the managers gave me a laminated card so that I could get 10% off every time I ordered something. I hadn't used it much until recently. Instead of my meal being over 5 bucks, it's usually unda (I put the change in one of those charity containers). While eating, I'm either reading the newest TIME or Entertainment Weekly (I have scrips to both) or looking through the paper. After I finish my meal and have had enough Vault to make my eyes water, I am satiated once again...until the urge returns about 18 hours later.

1999 Part 2

Continuing my look at the movies of 1999, my "friend", Art, persuaded me to see Will Smith's "Wild Wild West" that summer. As stated in a prior entry, it is one of the worst movies that I have ever seen. I went to see Kirsten Dunst in "Dick" (a comedy about "Tricky Dick" Nixon) as well as Julia Roberts and Richard Gere reuniting for "Runaway Bride" (pretty decent, actually). Pierce Brosnan in "The Thomas Crown Affair" was also enjoyable as were the animated "Iron Giant" and Eddie Murphy playing a goofball in "Bowfinger".



But let's get to some of the really good stuff. One weekend in the late summer, I went to a supernatural movie called, "The Sixth Sense". It was getting great reviews and making a lot of money. As I sat in the Galleria Theatres watching the movie, I have to say it was quite good, but not excellent.

However, once the twist came, I was totally floored and it became an "A" movie for me. Wow! I did not see that ending coming even though I had heard that the movie had a doozy of a twist near the end. It was nominated for Best Pic at the Academy Awards and was definitely in the running for my fave movie of '99.

Now it was on to the fall movie season. Another spooky movie came out called "Stir of Echoes". It starred Kevin Bacon. No "Sixth Sense", but a good, gripping thriller, nonetheless. Then there was the freaky "Stigmata" (not very good, but I did like the plot point that the Catholic church suppressed the Biblical verse, "The kingdom of heaven is within". It's what I believe, that no church is necessary for "salvation").

I saw Ashley Judd's "Double Jeopardy" in Winona with Art and his wife. Formulaic, but it did have its moments. The projector conked out about 7 minutes before the end of the movie and couldn't be fixed, so we were all given free passes. One evening in late September, I decided to go see "Fight Club". I had the strangest reaction to it in that I didn't know whether or not I liked it as I exited the theatre.

There were things I admired about it, but then again, I thought the film fell apart at the end. I've since revisited the movie and concluded that it is powerful filmmaking. This is one of my favorite lines from the movie:

Tyler Durden: Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

This one also had a big twist at the end.

Next, I went to see the psychological comedy, "Mumford". Another fantastic movie came out in early October, Clooney, Wahlberg, and Ice Cube in the early 90's Persian Gulf-set film, "Three Kings". The movie actually shows what happens to a body when it is struck by a bullet. Not pretty.

For shits and giggles, I saw Molly Shannon and Will Ferrell in "Superstar" (I got more shits than giggles). Dori and I went to see Tobey Maguire in "The Cider House Rules" (very solid, nominated for Best Pic) as well as Cage in "Bringing Out the Dead" (also good). November came and it was time for Kevin Smith's satire of his Catholic faith, "Dogma". Alanis Morrissette was fabulous as God. "Toy Story 2" was nice. Johnny Depp in "Sleepy Hollow" was a cool one to see as the nights turned colder. I loved the tagline on its poster: Heads Will Roll. Indeed. "Deuce Bigalow" was passable. Ralph Fiennes and Julianne Moore were fantastic in the longing "End of the Affair"

and Tom Hanks was excellent in the 3-hour "The Green Mile" (I had read the Stephen King book a few years prior). As the year wound down, I went to "Girl Interrupted" with Winona Ryder and a breakout performance by Angelina Jolie (for which she won Best Supporting Actress). Then there was Cruise, Julianne Moore, and many others in the 3-hour "Magnolia". As stated in a prior entry, Cruise gave the performance-of-a-lifetime in this one and did win a Golden Globe for the role. Next I went to "Shaving Ryan's Privates" and I have to say...jk..we went to see "The Talented Mr. Ripley" (very dark, but good stuff).

And that just leaves my favorite movie of 1999. When the movie in question ended, I got this incredibly blissful feeling just like I got after viewing "Titanic" two years prior and which I haven't felt in a movie theatre since that fall day in 1999. What was it? Well, I'm gonna have to write about it next time. 1999 was just too memorable to write about in two sittings.

Excerpt from my favorite book

Most people believe if they "have" a thing (more time, money, love--whatever), then they can finally "do" a thing (write a book, take up a hobby, go on vacation, buy a home, undertake a relationship), which will allow them to "be" a thing (happy, peaceful, content, or in love). In actuality, they are reversing the Be-Do-Have paradigm. In the universe as it really is (as opposed to how you think it is), "havingness" does not produce "beingness," but the other way around.

First you "be" the thing called "happy" (or "knowing," or "wise," or "compassionate," or whatever), then you start "doing" things from this place of beingness--and soon you discover that what you are doing winds up bringing you the things you've always wanted to "have."

The way to set this creative process (and that's what this is . . . the process of creation) into motion is to look at what it is you want to "have," ask yourself what you think you would "be" if you "had" that, then go right straight to being.

In this way you reverse the way you've been using the Be-Do-Have paradigm--in actuality, set it right--and work with, rather than against, the creative power of the universe.

Here is a short way of stating this principle:

In life, you do not have to do anything.

It is all a question of what you are being.

For now, and to illustrate this, think of a person who just knows that if he could only have a little more time, a little more money, or a little more love, he'd be truly happy. He does not get the connection between his "not being very happy" right now and his not having the time, money, or love he wants. On the other hand, the person who is "being" happy seems to have time to do everything that's really important, all the money that's needed, and enough love to last a lifetime. He finds he has everything he needs to "be happy" . . . by "being happy" to begin with! Deciding ahead of time what you choose to be produces that in your experience.

Happiness is a state of mind. And like all states of mind, it reproduces itself in physical form.

Therefore, whatever you choose for yourself, give to another.

If you choose to be happy, cause another to be happy.

If you choose to be prosperous, cause another to prosper.

If you choose more love in your life, cause another to have more love in theirs.

Do this sincerely--not because you seek personal gain, but because you really want the other person to have that--and all the things you give away will come to you.

The very act of your giving something away causes you to experience that you have it to give away. Since you cannot give to another something you do not now have, your mind comes to a new conclusion about you--namely, that you must have this, or you could not be giving it away. This new thought then becomes your experience. You start "being" that. And once you start "being" a thing, you've engaged the gears of the most powerful creation machine in the universe--your Divine Self.

Whatever you are being, you are creating.

The circle is complete, and you will create more and more of that in your life. It will be made manifest in your physical experience.

This is the greatest secret of life.

Main St

There wasn't always a lot for a kid to do in a small town of 528. Thankfully, there were a few places to go to pass the time. We lived about 4 blocks from Main Street in Rollingstone. It didn't take but a few minutes to walk to Schell's Cafe and Grocery. I only recall eating there a few times, though, mostly with my grandmother. More often, I would go to the grocery part of the business to get candy (the Milk Shake candy bar was awesome) and/or Mr. Freezee's. Those Freezee's were delicious on a hot, summer day.

For a couple years, Main Street had a store called Tom & Sandy's. It was kinda like a super-mini version of Kmart. They had an aisle of toys which I would peruse from time to time.

Across the street was a beauty shop that our neighbor, Pam Wood, opened. I recall my brother, Brian, and I walking there one winter evening to get haircuts. I had just purchased a handheld game and played it while waiting to get my hair cut. It looked like this:

Pretty primitive game, but hey, it was 1982. When I got my hair cut, Pam remarked on how thick it was. Next door to her shop was the Rollingstone Post Office. I only went in there a time or two to get stamps.

Right by Schell's was the laundromat. On many early evenings when she was running late, Mom would ask me to take her waitress outfit there to dry (the dryers were much more powerful and faster than the one we had at home).

We also had 2 bars which were fun to go to once the arcade craze started in the early '80s. The Fireside Inn had Donkey Kong & Monaco GP (a racing game). The Rollin' Inn had Journey (yes, a video game based on the Steve Perry-led group!) and Gorf.

Gorf was a lot like Galaga. It had this computer generated voice that would say, "Insert Coin" when no one was playing the game. On many occasions, I would reply to the voice, "Insert Dick".

Further down the road was the 1st State Bank of Rollingstone.

(It's called the Eastwood Bank now). I remember I had a savings (passbook) account there that usually had about $5 in it. The bank also had a drive-thru which was quite groundbreaking for a smalltown bank in the early '80s.

Knocked Out

I went to see Judd Apatow's much-hyped follow-up to "The 40-Year-Old Virgin", "Knocked Up", on Saturday afternoon (and yes, I used one of my Oscar contest-winning passes for said occasion).

I'm interested in seeing all 3 movies that were shown as coming attractions before "Knocked" started (Adam Sandler's, "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry", Dane Cook's "Good Luck Chuck", and Steve Carell's "Evan Almighty"). "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" was my favorite movie of '05, so I had high hopes for "Knocked Up" and, for the most part, it delivered. Here is one of my favorite scenes:

Alison (Katherine Heigl) and Ben (Seth Rogan) are at his place and trying to have sex, but Ben is weirded out when he's on top because he feels like his penis is all up in the baby's face. Could she please get on top? Alison gets on top, but then feels all ugly as she thinks he's staring up at her double chin and her boobs are all squishy and flying everywhere, "so National Geographic". He asks her to do it doggy style, but Alison says she's not a dog and so they do it in a different position, but when the baby kicks, Ben gets weirded out again and Alison gets upset and says she won't ask him to have sex again.

The laughs were plentiful and though not as gutbusting as "Borat", was a nice break from the effects-heavy sequels that have swarmed theatre screens over the past month. I recommend "Knocked Up" to all but the most sensitive souls. If you dug "Virgin", you'll most certainly dig this.

Pirates

There's a young janitor that comes through our offices every few days to empty the trash and we sometimes shoot the shit. A big fan of Johnny Depp's "Pirates" movies, he has been super pumped to see "Pirates 3" for the last few months. Last Saturday evening, he went with 3 of his friends to see it. One of his friends was wearing pirate boots and snuck a liter of rum into them (talk about appropriate!). Needless to say, they had quite a good time watching the movie while partaking generously of the liquor. Later that night, he had straight vodka and said he will never do so again (it gave him a headache). Talk about living the pirate's life...

I would love to get my mitts on one of these!

From USA Today:

Select moviegoers get tattletale tool

NEW YORK — Movie theaters don't have vice principals or hall monitors to enforce the rules, but they seem headed that way as they step up their battle with a big and growing problem: rude customers.

Major chains are telling managers to monitor audiences more frequently and clamp down on disruptions, including cellphone use, talking and gross littering.

The largest theater owner even is enlisting moviegoers themselves. This week, Regal Entertainment Group will significantly expand a program to give selected patrons wireless devices to anonymously alert the manager of disruptions.



"We have noticed over the years that customer etiquette has become more and more of a problem," says Dick Westerling, Regal's senior vice president of marketing and advertising. "We're doing what we can to provide a friendly environment for all moviegoers."

Summer is the peak time for complaints as kids pack theaters for the season's high-energy adventure and animation flicks.

"I don't believe that this generation of younger folk is as respectful of fellow audience members as previous generations" were, says National Association of Theater Owners President John Fithian. "Maybe that's because I'm getting older. But the sense among our members is that this is a growing issue."

Rudeness isn't limited to kids, though. "Parents who bring really small children into R-rated movies are an annoyance," Fithian says.

Theater owners must act. As HDTV and home theater sales grow, "They have to make it worth people's time to leave home and go to the movie theater," says Research Associates analyst Marla Backer.

The financial toll isn't obvious this year. Box office sales already are up 6%, with an unusually high number of potential blockbusters on tap. Shrek the Third, Spider-Man 3 and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End have set a heady pace ahead of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Live Free or Die Hard, Ratatouille, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and The Simpsons Movie.

Owners still recall, though, the 2005 box office slump that led many to fear disturbances had done permanent damage.

"There's a subtle structural change going on," Backer says. "Certain people don't go to the movies anymore."

Regal will try to change that this week by introducing its Regal Guest Response System in 114 theaters, up from a test at 13 that began last year. Customers in Regal's loyalty points program will be invited to take a cellphone-size device into the theater. If something pushes their buttons — a disturbance, picture or sound glitch, someone recording the film — they can push one of four buttons to alert the manager.

"We've seen an improvement in the customer etiquette with the implementation of this program," Westerling says. "It addresses these problems on a more routine basis and in a faster manner."

Shhh...don't tell

My job is relatively easy and stress free. I don't have to answer calls from peeved customers like I did when working at the Western Digital Rebate Center or Charter Communications. My hours are flexible. I don't have to be in at a specific time. I would take more time off here and there, but my beloved would inevitably give me crap saying I would be fired if I kept doing so (though I explained to her numerous times the flexibility of my job).

Though my job is laid back, from time to time, I REALLY want to relax (no, not like that, you dirty devils). Here's how it works: I go to the bathroom and once I've done my business, still want to stay in that quiet place (the office bathroom is self-contained, so you don't have to worry about anyone else being in the next stall or anything like that). So I'll take the time to breathe for a few minutes.

I usually like to think about where I want to eat that evening and such. Sometimes I'll text to a friend or two if the mood strikes me. I am usually quite refreshed when I return to my desk after a good bathroom sojourn.

MySpace Outage Leaves Millions Friendless

BEVERLY HILLS, CA—An estimated 150 million people continued to be without social lives Tuesday as a massive system failure at MySpace.com entered its third day.



"The problem is taking longer than we anticipated, but rest assured we're working around the clock to get MySpace back online," said David Gundy, a spokesman for the social networking site. "We're hoping to have friendship restored to our users as soon as possible."

The outage, which occurred late Saturday night, is believed to be the result of a complicated wallpaper upload for the page of a former VH1 I Love New York contestant, which triggered a chain reaction of web browser crashes and server shutdowns. Although MySpace's emergency-response team has so far been unable to reconnect any of the millions currently stranded without access to online companionship, Gundy said he remains hopeful that no profiles have been lost.

However, because the sudden lack of friends has deprived MySpace users of comments, bulletin posts, and searches for elementary school crushes, it is feared that the ordeal could inflict long-term psychological damage. In Chicago alone, an estimated 50,000 people remain trapped in their apartments, with no way of contacting the outside world about new bands, Adult Swim cartoons, or the latest video games.

"I've just been wandering in and out of my cubicle in a daze, not knowing what to say and who to talk to," said Upper Darby, PA data-entry technician Patrick "Smiley457" Mancuso, 31. "I thought about asking someone at work or in my apartment building if they'd join my friend group. But how am I supposed to tell which ones I will like and which ones I won't? It's too overwhelming."

Corey "Aqualad" Friesen, 18, of Danville, IL appeared to share Mancuso's fears about manual and analog socializing. "I vaguely remember trying to make friends pre-MySpace, but in 16 years, I only made three real friends," Friesen said. "If I have to revert back to face-to-face friend gathering, I would be middle-aged before I built that number into the double digits. I'd definitely never get back into the hundreds again."

On Monday, MySpace co-creator Tom Anderson issued an apologetic press release on the website of MySpace's parent company, News Corporation.

"So I know alot [sic] of you couldn't check out your profiles and I just want to say sorry for all the lameness on our end," Anderson wrote. "Rock on. :)"

1999

"They say two thousand zero zero party over

Oops out of time

So tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1999"
"1999" - Prince

If the world was gonna end in 1999, it was gonna go with a shitload of awesome movies. If, for the rest of my life, I could only watch movies from one specific year, it would most certainly be 1999. Why? Let me take you back...

In January, I went with a couple friends to see Val Kilmer and Mira Sorvino in "At First Sight". He played a blind man who undergoes surgery to get some of his sight back. It was good. Some other movies I saw in the early part of the year included Mel in "Payback", Bill Murray in "Rushmore", the cult classic "Office Space"

"The Other Sister", Nicolas in "8MM", "Analyze This", "Cruel Intentions", a sneak preview of "EdTV", David Spade in "Lost & Found", Connery in "Entrapment", "A Bug's Life" (meh), "Go" (an awesome flick), Drew in "Never Been Kissed", Reese in "Election" (fantastic satire), and two movies that dealt with the nature of reality, "Existenz" (great movie) and "The Matrix" (I was impressed, but definitely not blown away as some people were).

Summertime came and the movies came fast and hard. Did you read what I just wrote? Anyway, the big kahuna for the summer of '99 was "Star Wars Episode I - The Phantom Menace"

but first came "The Mummy" and Julia in "Notting Hill". There was a special midnight screening of "Ep I" at the Barclay Square 6, but I would've had to wait in line for hours to see it. So I waited until the following day and went to a late afternoon matinee. Quite a few people there, I have to say. I had to settle for an aisle seat rather than sitting in the middle as usual. I did enjoy the movie. It didn't blow me away like "Empire" did as a child, but I applauded over the credits like everyone else, happy that Star Wars was back again. An older guy in front of me said it was the 3rd time he had seen the movie that day (what a freak!). I went to the movie 3 more times that summer. It ended up being the top-grossing movie of 1999. "Star Wars" was done, but there was plenty more fun to be had.

Next came "Austin Powervich 2". I loved the sequel and went to it 3 times. But an even funnier movie came along a few weeks later, "South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut" (a sexual euphemism, innit). I loved the TV show and went to the "SP" movie 3 days in a row. "SP", for me, was the funniest movie of the year.

Adam Sandler was good (not great) in "Big Daddy", and "American Pie" was jolly good fun, lewd and crude. I found Cruise and Kidman to be quite solid in "Eyes Wide Shut" while Liam Neeson and Catherine Zeta-Jones were crap in "The Haunting".

During this time (July of '99), "The Blair Witch Project" was generating a lot of buzz. It was being rolled out very slowly. I noticed on the internet that it was playing in Inver Grove Heights (a suburb of the Twin Cities). It wouldn't be coming to Rochester for two more weeks. I couldn't resist, so drove up there that weekend. I ate at McDonalds in Inver Grove before heading over to the theatre. When I went up to the lady to get my ticket, I said, "I'll take one to the "Blair Bitch Project". Like "Star Wars" earlier in the summer, the screening was super packed. Now I knew what I was getting into (I had a subscription to Entertainment Weekly). I knew that the movie was a faux documentary shot very low budget, definitely not a conventional scary movie. I was quite satisfied with it, while some others actually booed as the credits rolled (they must have been expecting something more "Hollywood"). I headed home, happy to have seen it. A few months later, a friend said she had seen the movie with a couple of her friends. She said it was sad that the 3 college students had disappeared (she was actually under the impression that the movie was totally genuine). Holy shit! I couldn't believe that she bought it! I told her that the kids in the movie were alive and well. I'm sure it was much more scary, though, watching it believing that what you were seeing was totally real.

I'm gonna have to continue this entry in the next few days. 1999 was just too memorable to write about in one sitting.

Summer Fun

In the summer of '05 and '06, I greatly enjoyed watching a Fox reality show...hey, where are you going? It's returning for a 3rd season next week. Entitled "Hell's Kitchen", it stars British master chef Gordon Ramsay.

He can swear up a storm, but it's only because he's so passionate about making sure that a bad meal is never served in one of his restaurants. Here are some of his comments from last season:

Chef Ramsay: Fuck the lot of you!

Ramsay: So where's the fuckin' Turbot!?

Ramsay: You're going to blow fire in your face, you fucking donkey!

Ramsay: Tom has a big heart, unfortunately he's a crap cook.

Ramsay: If that was the last thing to eat in this country, I'd fucking starve.

Ramsay: (to Garrett after he only cooked one portion of quail instead of two) You're one portion short, you fucking donut.

Ramsay: (to Garrett after serving the lamb sauce) Thank you very much. Now fuck off, you fat useless sack of fucking Yankee-Dankee-Doodle shit.

Virginia: Do you like this apron?

Chef Ramsay: What does it say on there?

Virginia: Kiss the cook.

Chef Ramsay: Oh, shit.

Ramsay: Why'd you have to be so fucking rude?

Keith: Cause you're rude to me all the time.

Ramsay: So?

Rookie NASCAR Driver Gets Lost