Recent Facebook Status Updates

For those who aren't friends with me on Facebook, here are some of the postings I've made over the past few months:

There are few pleasures greater than putting on a pair of underwear that have just come out of the dryer.

"This is hard" - comment made by my wife two minutes into her first ShakeWeight workout

I was listening to a Christmas song yesterday and one of the lyrics was that Jesus's death was much less joyous than his birth. I'm like, "Whose isn't?"

Some time ago, when I was checking out at Target, the cashier asked if I'd be interested in signing up for one of their credit cards; they're bright red. I said I would if I could get it in purple. She said they weren't available like that, which is great as I wasn't interested in it, anyway.

I'll sometimes use my fingers for counting at work, but will only move the very tips of them so my colleagues won't realize what I'm doing.

The commercials for Proactiv almost make me wish I had acne. What else could compel such striking Before and After pics?

The expiration date on my bottle of Aquafina is December 21, 2012. They obviously got the memo that no one will be drinking the stuff the day after.

Went to Subway two days ago to get a six-inch before work. The guy working asked if I'd like a footlong, that it would be just a little bit more to get one. I told him, "No, I get intimidated by anything that's a foot long".