2000 Part II

Continuing my look at the movies I went to in 2000, in May, I went to what turned out to be my favorite movie of the year. It's a fantastic epic that won Best Picture and Best Actor for Russell Crowe. It was the movie that kicked off the summer of '00. I'm talkin' about "Gladiator".

About halfway through the movie, Maximus exclaims to a large crowd, "Are you not entertained?!", and indeed, I was.

Later that month, I saw a very funny, raunchy comedy called "Road Trip". "Shanghai Noon" was a pleasant film that starred Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson. In an overview of Tom Cruise movies that I did some time ago, I mentioned how kick-ass "Mission Impossible: II" was (especially the motorcycle chase late in the movie).

Two of my all-time favorite comedies came out in the summer of 2000. The first reteamed Jim Carrey with the Farrelly brothers: "Me, Myself, and Irene". It was great to see Jim in an R-rated movie where he could swear up a storm without the restrictions of a PG-13 rating. The other was also R-rated, a sendup of horror movies put together by the Wayans brothers. I went to it 3 times that summer, "Scary Movie".

This is one of my favorite scenes from "Scary Movie":

CINDY: Hi. You had me worried there for a minute. I thought the killer got to you before I could.

BOBBY: Could what?

Cindy kisses him in an obviously drunk and slutty way.

CINDY: Why don't we go ahead upstairs and whatever…

Bobby and Cindy walk hand and hand upstairs.

INT. CINDY'S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Cindy and Bobby sitting on the bed, talking.

CINDY: So….

BOBBY: So, here we are again.

CINDY: Yeah.

BOBBY: And if you're not ready still,I'll understand.

CINDY: But I am ready.

BOBBY: You are?

CINDY: Yeah, I figured out that I have to live my own life and I can't keep fighting my urges. I have to give in and let them flow.

BOBBY: This is like a scene in a movie.

CINDY: Only this is real life, it's not a movie.

BOBBY: Sure it is..There's the sound man and the script supervisor...

WE SEE THE SOUND MAN AND SCRIPT SUPERVISOR WATCHING.

CINDY: What I mean is in real life you have to enjoy each moment.

Cindy takes off her shirt. Bobby does the same. They kiss passionately, licking each others' mouths, flicking their tongues. The two tongues start wildly slapping and lapping together until they end up hopelessly tied and knotted together. Cindy and Bobby lay down on the bed. Cindy starts to kiss his chest. She works her way down to his belly button then starts back up. Bobby gingerly pushes her head back down. They play tug of war. Finally, Cindy surrenders. She unzips his pants. Cindy looks up innocently.

CINDY: You know, I've never really done this before.

BOBBY: It's okay. It's just like sucking a tootsie pop.

Cindy lowers her head. We hear the sounds.Lick! Lick! Slurp!

BOBBY: That's it, that's right. Just like that.

Slurp. Suddenly CRUNCH! Bobby screams with pain.

CINDY: I never could wait to get to the chewy middle.

Bobby recovers.

BOBBY: Come here, let me.

Bobby slides off Cindy's pants. He's startled by bats flying out. They continue to make out. He tries to take off her panties, but struggles.

CINDY: Here, let me.

His eyes gleam with heated anticipation as she lowers her panties. Cindy grabs him by the head and pushes it down. She moans with ecstasy. We hearBobby struggling to breath.

CINDY: To the left! Faster! Higher! Wait!

She draws him a map and gives it to him along with a compass. Cindy finally lets Bobby up. He coughs up a hairball.

CINDY: I want sex.

BOBBY: Okay, let me just get my pants off.

Bobby stands up and takes off his pants.

BOBBY: Are you sure?

CINDY: I want it now!

She slams him down, tears the remainder of his clothes off and begins to ride him like a human sit and spin.

INT. CINDY'S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT The party stops. The house shakes. Plaster falls from the ceiling. A loud howling noise is echoed throughout the house.

INT. CINDY'S ROOM – NIGHT Bobby feels himself ready to climax.

BOBBY: Oh my God! I can't hold it..OOOOO!!!

He cums, sending Cindy blasting off into the air as he shoots a geyser of jizz. Close on Bobby, his body caves in as fluids leave his body. Cindy is stuck to the ceiling.

I saw Mel Gibson voice a rooster in "Chicken Run" and play a colonial-era revolutionary in "The Patriot". I also saw Bruce Willis in "The Kid". Harrison Ford had a good turn in the suspenseful "What Lies Beneath", Eddie Murphy was funny in "Nutty Professor II: The Klumps", Clint Eastwood and Tommy Lee Jones were OK, but a bit dull in "Space Cowboys".

J-Lo was really wack in "The Cell".

Here's a synopsis of that movie's plot:

Catharine Deane (J-Lo) is a psychotherapist who is part of a revolutionary new treatment which allows her mind to literally enter the mind of her patients. Her experience in this method takes an unexpected turn when an FBI agent comes to ask for a desperate favor. They had just tracked down a notorious serial killer, Carl Stargher, whose MO is to abduct women one at a time and place them in a secret area where they are kept for about 40 hours until they are slowly drowned. Unfortunately, the killer has fallen into an irreversible coma which means he cannot confess where he has taken his latest victim before she dies. Now, Catherine Deane must race against time to explore the twisted mind of the killer to get the information she needs, but Stargher's damaged personality poses dangers that threaten to overwhelm her.