Sunday, September 06, 2009

Public Restrooms

Almost without fail, I go to the bathroom before sitting down to watch a movie or eat at a restaurant; having an empty bladder pleases me greatly. When at a urinal, instead of just standing upright, I typically lean my head forward against the bathroom tiles. Washing my hands takes just a few seconds because I rarely ever use soap; in fact, I put my hands under the faucet for only about a second before getting to work on drying them. If all a restroom has is those automated dryers, I just shake my hands dry, not wanting to waste 30-45 seconds getting them completely dry. I also very rarely look in the mirror while in a public restroom. What's the point?

Now for some amusing bathroom stories: one evening at the Outback, I saw an old man waiting right outside the men's and women's bathrooms. I quickly realized that he didn't know which restroom was which; one said "Blokes", the other "Sheilas". A minute later, when he saw a man exit the "Blokes" restroom, he entered it.

When I see a man go to the bathroom and then not wash his hands, I'm tempted to go up to his significant other and tell them what just transpired; I have a bit of Larry David in me:

If memory serves, I actually did this about 10 years ago in a bowling alley.

I was in Friday's a couple weeks ago and a 20-something walked up to the urinal next to me and started going. Five seconds later, he began moaning as if he was being sucked off. I was like, "Jesus, save it for your woman".

Lastly, many moons ago, I saw Garth Brooks in concert and was eliminating when a couple girls walked in. I quickly used my hands to cover what I was packing as they headed for the stalls. A minute later, they were washing their hands and I can't say I minded that they were there. In fact, none of the guys present appeared to have an issue with it.


Rocketstar said...

I love Curb Your... New Season starts next week I think.

So you don't even wash your hands if you have to touch something int he bathroom, like the door handle going in?

Thomas said...

I'm also eagerly awaiting its return, not least because he was able to get the cast of "Seinfeld" to finally reunite:

The bathroom at the movie theatre doesn't even have a door, so I don't have to worry about getting germs from it.

As far as restaurants, well, I'm not getting sick, so I see no reason to change. :P

disestablishingpuritanism said...

One time, I didn't go as far as Larry David but did ask, "Hey, you going to wash those hands?" This was while the older, middle aged guy was trying to escape. If you're in a restaurant and don't wash 'em, that's ghastly.

Good to read some more great entries. I needed a good laugh after I accidentally left my ATM card in the machine for about the fifth time. You know when it asks for a receipt and you respond with "Yes?" Well, I take the receipt but then always forget it asks for your card back. I hate these damn machines and now, have to ban myself from using them. I'll stick to a store and get cash back, although I'm stingy and don't like carrying cash around.

Narkissos said...

hell yeah! bluetooth talkers are annoying and creepy. don't even get me started thomas! my kids and friends get embarrassed, "shut up mom, that's rude!" but I get this irresistible urge to say something! once a lady was so mad, she left the restaurant, leaving some cash on the,
well buddy you haven't got sick yet, touch wood,

Dave said...

Eating on the bathroom floor, washing hands after urinating... Thomas, this place is definately becoming very lavatorial! lol ;-p

Randy said...

Re; Bluetooth (and cellphone) talkers. Ok, they can be annoying and the one in the video made a point of pointing out the guy was talking loud. But sometimes the cell conversation is no louder than a real conversation. In that case, there's no reason to get mad. I've seen people express disgust at a cell conversation just because. Seems wrong to me.