Thursday, October 08, 2009

Take Your Pick

I do many things in the morning before leaving the house: taking a shower, getting dressed, pleasing myself. But I never seem to remember to "clean" my nose. I drive to work, work for a couple hours before nature calls and then head to the bathroom. Once there, I can literally feel my nose screaming for relief. It is then that I use my finger to pick at its residue. I really need to put something in my bathroom to remind me to do this shortly after waking.

I typically use the two minutes spent brushing my teeth walking around the house, petting the cat, and marveling at how someone I work with has over 500 friends on Facebook. Another of my colleagues recommended her as a friend, but wouldn't I be just a drop in the bucket to such greatness?

Sometimes at work, I'll want to itch my ass, but first have to look around to make sure no one is looking my way (as if they don't do the same thing). Walking around the lake when such an urge strikes, I'm tempted to do the same looksie, but am generally like, "Who gives a fuck?!" and just do it already. One can't live their life worried that others are gonna think less of them because they like to "itch" certain body parts.


Dave said...

I remember once sitting at a traffic light and looking over at the guy in the car next to me. You probably guessed it, his finger was stuck right up his nose and he was digging for gold. However, the smile was removed from my face a second later when the offending finger was withdrawn, inspected and placed in his mouth!

Brian in Mpls said...

That dispenser is aweosme. I say scratch away

Rocketstar said...

Dude, I assume you are joking about the pleasing yourself prior to leaving the house every morning, not that there is anything wrong with that of course.

Thomas said...

Dave, I've not heard the term "digging for gold" in at least ten years. I'd forgotten all about it. Thanks for picking that particular story.

Thanks, B-man.

Rocket, yes, tis only a joke (though I was reminded of Kevin Spacey in "American Beauty" who performed said action in the shower before going to work).

Narkissos said...

face book eh, some people have 1000's, I had over 700 once, unfriended all, felt like a drop in the ocean...:)
luv the topics you choose for you blog! hilarious! never felt the urge to dig for gold though!
scratching is ultra pleasing! especially your back, where you can't reach so you use your pen or whatever! innit?! as long as it's done decently or discreetly:)
dave: eww.....gross, you are kiddin' right?

Dave said...

Do I sound like the type of guy who kids?