Thursday, March 04, 2010

Holy Shit

Last Tuesday was the best of days and the worst of days. Things got off to a great start with a sizable bowel movement, but just before I had to take my wife to an appointment, I noticed that blood had been in my stool. I quickly headed to the internet and found that it could be a number of things: an anal fissure, hemorroids, colon cancer.

I told my wife about it as we drove to her appointment. She said to keep an eye on it, that she hoped it wasn't colon cancer (a first cousin of mine who is in his early 30's was diagnosed with that a few years ago). My love is no stranger to stool blood herself as she has GERD. I passed my time at the library while she was being seen. Curiousity got the better of me while there, so I headed to the cancer section and found a book about the colon variety of it. Standing there, reading the symptoms, I started to get a bit woozy; I once fainted in science class when a teacher was giving a detailed description of something (You can read it about here).

I realized that I best sit down for a while, so headed over to a seat and slumped down a bit. I then looked into checking out some books that wouldn't make me lightheaded. One was Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer. It's about the beginnings of a distinctly American religion, Mormonisn.

It's interesting how Joseph Smith, the religion's founder, proposed that we all could receive revelations from God. However, he came to realize that this might not be a good thing as what happens when his revelations differed from others? What if mine says that he's a charlatan? He had to change things up a bit because of this. And that, my friends, is the main problem with religion. You are to trust in someone else's revelations over your own. If your experience is different than church leadership's, yours must be thrown out.

But back to my experience last Tuesday. As I sat in the car, waiting for my wife to finish up, I thought that maybe this blood would end up being the death of me, that I wouldn't be able to take care of my Pomeranian for the rest of her life, that I might have to leave this mortal coil before Sarah Palin gains even more power than she already has. Should I have gotten checked out earlier for cancer as my mom had once suggested?

That evening at work, I wondered if my next BM would be red. Interestingly, thinking this really kept me in the moment, really made me concentrate on what I was doing just then. I wasn't concerned about getting my taxes done or going on vacation this summer. I was just concentrating on the next day or two, the next time I dropped some friends off at the pool.

Later that week, I did make a shit. There was no sign of red and hasn't been since. It would seem that the monster I passed led to a bit of a fissure that did no lasting damage. Nonetheless, I look forward to having my first colonoscopy in the near future. The age of 40 looms and will come to me in the penultimate month of this year.


Narkissos said...

let's not jump to a conclusion just yet pooh......but you can always get ahead of the game by having a regular check up......duzn't hurt....hope every thing is ok with ya.....btw were ya RUI while on my blog!?......well lemme tell ya, that's HAWT!......:)

Thomas said...

I love it. Most people would say don't jump to the conclusion that it's cancer while you're opining that I shouldn't rush to believe that it's merely a fissure. I'll let you know how everything comes out. :P

Rocketstar said...

Dude, I turn 40 as well this year. Let me know how your colonoscopy goes, you go first. I don't enjoy things up my ass, nto looking forward to it and I'll put it off for a while.

Extra Ordinary Me said...

Well, I certainly hope it turns out to be nothing but a little tear. If it was bright red, I'm guessing that's what it was. Colonoscopies are always a good idea though. Good luck!!

Timothy Smith said...

I had a similar experience back in 2002. After simple X-Rays they found a small lump as well. I had a lot of blood and weight loss as well so I was "prepared" for the worst.

I did have a colonoscopy and they removed the small chunk of offending cells and determined the rest of what they saw on the X-Ray was "impaction" which is another way of saying your full of shit!

I was warned it was the worst so I had three weeks of hell but it turned out to be nothing. Blood in your stools is actually quite common as you know.

As my doc said "there is nothing to worry about until there is something to worry about".

Its difficult not to worry with colon cancer, at our age the chances are so low but if it is colon cancer the road ahead is rough.

By the way the test was not bad. I dont remember it at all. They gave me something before and the next thing I knew I was awake and it was over, I would not fret about the test. A simple prostate exam is much worse in my opinion.

Sundar said...

Did you have beets for dinner the night before you saw the blood?

Thomas said...

Rocket, just as you so succinctly shared the experience of your vasectomy a number of years ago, it will be my lot to give everyone the 411 on my colonoscopy. Hope they sell T-shirts to mark the occasion.

Extra, thanks for the good wishes.

Tim, nice to hear that your colo was unremarkable. The worst pain I ever endured (other than Bush being re-elected in 2004) was also in 2002 when I got kidney stones.

As you alluded to, one of the good things about having anal problems is that you never run out of clever puns (I don't give a shit, etc).

Sundar, good question. I actually don't eat beets. Say, when are you gonna start a web journal of your own? I bet you have some great stories to share. :)

Timothy Smith said...

If you got through stones Tom the colonoscopy will be a total non-issue. If anything like mine its nothing to even be nervous about.

Some of the worst pain I have felt is a simple thing. When one has diarrhea the cramping can be so extreme. At least I know once I "exorcise the demon" all will be well (thats what I tell the wife on the way to the head). But those cramps are so bad that if I did not know what it was I would assume I was dying! Thankfully a proper diet gets rid of such things for the most part as well as constipation.

That kind of pain has a silver lining, you feel like you could die then you simply push the pain out and flush it. To keep in the spirit of your writing style that kind of dumping is very "rewarding".


Timothy Smith said...

Thought you might like this one Tom:

Narkissos said... the bush about pain in the ass eh......
sorry tomsy didn't mean to sound so harsh.....but fay's a victim of negligence eh.....always safe to be sure you're ok....
ok having said that......can we move on.....enough of ass hole eh....:)

Thomas said...

Tim, thanks for dumping all that shit on me. :P Seriously, I am looking to get more regular. What works for you?

Love the link and couldn't agree more. I had a massage this afternoon and that experience blew away any material thing I could've bought with the same amount of money.

Fay, thanks for the encouragement regarding getting checked out. What is it about Bangladesh women? :)