Tuesday, January 13, 2009

A Wintry Evening at Wal-Mart

Even though we were getting a decent amount of snow, that didn't stop me and the Mrs. from going out to eat and to the world's most popular store last night. I typically stay home when the weather's bad, but with Obama's inauguration almost upon us, I'm feeling a tad more frisky.

We first headed to my favorite pizza joint in town. Since my wife is trying to lose weight, she didn't order anything at all which is kinda cool since our bill was only half what it typically would be. I don't know about you, but I'm more likely to eat more in the evening if I've had significant bowel movement earlier in the day.

Next, we headed to Sam's Place. I know I probably shouldn't, but you can buy 160 Fiber Capsules there for a paltry $4 (that's translates to about 50 cents per BM). It was cold enough that I wore my black ski mask as we walked from the car to the store.

I like to wear it a little bit farther into the store than I should. Not only do I keep it on when I go through the first entrance (where all the carts are), but also several steps into the second entrance. I noticed a cashier looking at me, probably wondering if I was going to rob the place. Other patrons waiting in line were most likely thinking the same thing. Imagine their disappointment when I took the mask off. I bet some were secretly hoping I was going to pull a job just so they could tell all their friends about it.

With the snowstorm causing havoc outside, the aisles at the store were relatively barren. In fact, I don't recall ever seeing a Wal-Mart so bereft of people, so quiet and I didn't mind it one bit. There was a downside, however: as we checked out, I grabbed an issue of Country Weekly to see what was going on in Country Music these days. I got about three sentences into one article before our stuff started getting rung up. Doncha love it?!


Stephanie said...

Thanks for the info on your bowel movements!!! You are such a guy!!! lmao

And ... that's what you get for trying to find out what's going on in country music! Stick with the classics if you are going to go that route at all. :)

Rocketstar said...

You are too funny, the mask, LOL.

So fiber... fiber makes ones bowel movements looser than non-fiberous bowle movements, right? So they are messier or do I have it backwards? I have always wondered..

Thomas said...

Stephanie, I think you're right on the country music bit. Next time I'll look at Cosmo.

Rocket, great question. I've only just started taking fiber tablets over the past year, one of the reasons being that I don't eat enough fruits and vegetables (which are full of the fiber I need), the other being that when I can't quite pull a deuce, taking five of them really opens up the floodgates. It doesn't have anything to do with getting looser stools (one would take a stool softener for that).

lauren said...

Wow, that is a lot of information in one post.

Dämmerung Anblick said...

I broke out my calculator and did some calculations. You're actually coming in at about 12.5 cents a crunch. That's an absolute steal in itself. You don't even need that mask, except maybe for in the mens' room.

160 pills/5 pills per crunch = 32 crunches per bottle. At $4/bottle, thats 12.5 cents each (400 cents/32 crunches).

Eric Curtis said...

"When the going gets tough. The tough gets going (to Sam's Place.)

The ski-mask story was great. I bet you could embarrass the hell out of you wife with that gag if you were so inclined.