Super Size Me

In early '00, I was a chunky sumbitch. Working at a call center precluded me from getting much exercise during work hours. I also liked going across the street to BK for lunch on many days and if they had 2 burgers and 2 fries for 2 bucks, I bought them without hesitation. My weight steadily climbed. That spring, I was tipping the scales at 212. I got the pictures back from a birthday party at Friday's and I did not like what I saw. It was my face. It was really fat. It didn't look like me at all. I had a big gut as well. I had a Mayo book and looked under the BMI (body mass index) section. I found out that if I gained just a few more pounds I would be classified as obese (as opposed to just overweight). There was also an illustration of how as a person gets fatter, the organs around the chest get more crowded. I did not like this, not at all. I decided that I must take action.

It was around this time that I was hired at Mayo to work in their call center (the Western Digital one was being relocated to Young America, MN). During my training there, I resisted eating lunch. If I was starving, I would keep it super light (like having just a few crackers). I also walked during my breaks. And in the evening, instead of having, say, a burger, large fry, and a frosty, I would have a burger and small fry or burger and salad. I kept this up for a week, but didn't notice much difference on the scale. I wondered why I should bother if I wasn't seeing results. Perhaps I needed to order those weight loss supplements that they advertise on late-night TV all the time.



Just kidding. I'm not that stupid. I kept it up. Instead of eating out once or even twice a day, I went out every other or every 3rd day. And then it started to happen. I could see my dick again! No. The pounds did start to come off, though. The first 10 pounds came off quite fast. I was getting positive reinforcement from the scale (I love you, scale!), so did some additional walking in the evenings from time to time as well. After a few months, I had gone from 212 to 180. Great success! And I was able to keep the weight off. The highest I've been in the last 6 years is about 185 though 180 is where I am most typically at. 180 was good, but it actually still is a few pounds overweight. I just couldn't seem to get under 180, however. Oh well.

A strange thing happened late last year, though. I was sick for about a day and a half (I didn't throw up) and when I went on the scale after the illness passed, I noticed that it said I was 177. I could get used to this. I don't want to be 180 again. 177 is nice!! So I did all I could to stay in the upper 170's. I even made myself shit a few times. Ah, you bought it. No, I mostly just ate less in the late evening (a time when I am most vulnerable). I've been hangin' in at 175 for several weeks now with some days at 172 (I keep a second scale in the house to be sure I'm not being bamboozled by the first one). It does feel quite good to finally be at a truly "healthy" weight. I highly recommend it.

Digital Versatile Disc

In the summer of '03, a friend of mine was into Josh Groban bigtime. I was at a pawn shop one afternoon and noticed this CD:



Along with the CD, it had a bonus DVD included. It was only a few bucks, so I bought it for my wife. My friend liked the CD, but the enclosed DVD made me think about finally getting a player. I've always enjoyed learning more about my favorite movies and that is something that is just not possible with VHS where all you get is the movie (and in shitty full frame, too).

So I went to Best Buy later that day and shopped for a playa. I found one that didn't cost too much. I also had to buy an RF adapter since the TV we were using at that time was made in the late 80's and not cable ready. I figured I could take everything back if I wasn't satisfied. I brought it home, made all the necessary connections, then sat back and watched Groban sing a few. Not bad, but I wanted to watch an actual movie on this newfangled thing. I didn't want to buy a brand-new DVD for 16 or 18 bucks, so went to a different pawn shop to look for a good "gently used" one. I found



for a mere $8. I knew it would keep me busy for a while. I listened to the commentary, watched the deleted scenes, the documentaries, the trailers. I watched it all. And I have to say I liked DVD. It was wicked. About a week later, I looked for another movie to purchase. This time, I bought "Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones". Same deal. I watched everything. Enjoyed. The next one I purchased told the story of mighty Maximus ("Gladiator").

I can't stand full-screen DVD's, however. I wouldn't pay 2 bucks for 'em. They're worthless (they chop off the sides of the picture so that they can fit on the telly). When I see something presented full-screen, I don't even feel like I'm watching a movie. It just looks like a TV show. Widescreen is more pleasing to the eye and is the way that movies were meant to be seen. HBO is really fucked up. They show their TV shows in widescreen, but show the latest blockbuster movies, like "Wedding Crashers", in full. They are freakin' morons!!!

Rekognize

Yo diggity. You betta check yourself before you wreck yourself. Some of yous may be wondering ow it is that I got my profile to make me sound like a playa. Well, it was easy. I simply went here, pasted what I had written about me life into it and instantaneously, it was translated into "Ali G" speak, innit.

I Wanna Love You

A few weeks ago, me and Shanon went to Best Buy. I was there to return a few CD's that he had bought for me for Christmas. He looked around and bought 3 CD's, most notably the new one from Akon. He liked both of Akon's singles, "Smack That", which features Eminem, and "I Wanna Love You", which features Snoop. When we got in the car, he put the disc in and played both songs. Imagine his surprise when he heard the following lyrics in the song, "I Wanna Love You":

I see you winding and grinding up on that pole
I know you see me lookin' at you and you already know
I wanna fuck you, you already know
I wanna fuck you, you already know

From wikipedia:

"I Wanna Love You" is the second single from Akon's sophomore album Konvicted. Originally called "I Wanna Fuck You", the song was renamed on Akon's album due to its explicit title. Both album versions of the song contain the chorus "I wanna fuck you," while the radio version of the song contains the lyrics, "I wanna love you." This song is Akon's first #1 single on the Billboard Hot 100."

Shanon laughed when he heard the more explicit lyrics, but has since told me that he prefers the tamer ("I Wanna Love You") version. That Shanon. Such a romantic.

Tropical Depression Part II

After I couldn't deal with the side effects of the first two antidepressants I was put on, Dr. Smick put me on Paxil. Again, I was hopeful, but somewhat doubtful that it would work. I had read that some people do not respond to medication at all. That would suck, to be depressed indefinitely. Actually, in such cases, they would pursue something like Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT).

I continued to work on reversing my negative thoughts. I spent time with friends and was able to continue working in the kitchen at Sammy's Pizza. A coworker, Jerry Kohner, said he heard that I was experiencing depression and told me that he had gone through the same thing. He said that it was a real "bitch". He was able to get over it, however. It was around this time that he asked a lady that worked the morning shift if she would like to go out with him. She accepted and they eventually were married.

But, anyway, back to my shit. I was also put on Trazodone. During this time, it took me quite a long time to get to sleep. I would just keep thinking about things and not be able to drift off very easily. I remember the first evening I took Trazadone. About 20 minutes after ingesting it, I started to get really tired. I wanted to think about things as I usually do, but I was just too damn tired. I could definitely get used to this.

After a couple more weeks, I did start to feel the effects of the wonder drug, Paxil. It's hard to describe, but it really gave me a kick. I did things that I was way too depressed to do before like the dishes and cleaning the house. I became, what I liked to call, "blazingly optimistic". I wanted to experience life again. Laying in bed was no longer an option. I had been reborn. My Christian friend, Dean, was a bit dubious. He would've preferred that I got better the old-fashioned way, through suffering, through prayer,



without the meds. But he wasn't the boss of me. I did as I pleased and was well rewarded.

During the height of my depression, I had gone to the movie "Mrs Doubtfire" with my mom and her girls, but left about a half hour in because I was just too depressed to laugh (or maybe the movie just wasn't funny). I went into "A Perfect World", a ponderous movie starring Clint and Kevin.



One of the main characters was shot. It definitely suited my state of mind at the time. A few months later, now cured, I returned to "Doubtfire" and was able to get a few chuckles out of it (I still don't think it's super funny, though many people think it's the shit, including my wife).

I started going to my counseling appointments in a really good mood, almost too good a mood. My support network was quite happy to see that I had recovered. I eventually stopped going to CIA (Christians in Action). There were just too many things I wanted to explore now, such as going to the sinful Aquarius club in Rochester and slow dancing with a hot mama. Still being a virgin, I looked forward to "getting my freak on". Yes, indeed, my tropical depression had passed and I believe that I am a stronger person now due to the experience. Once you've been to hell, you really appreciate all the other realms. More than a dozen years later, all is well.

As a postscript, a couple years ago, I was informed of a class action lawsuit being brought against Paxil for overcharging customers and not allowing other companies to compete against them. I signed up to be a co-plaintiff in the case (I didn't need to do anything, just tell them how long I'd been on Paxil and approximately how much I spent). A few months ago, I received a check in the mail regarding the Paxil settlement. It was for more than $300! High-five!!

Impure Thoughts

I am acquainted with a couple who are Latter Day Saints or, as they're more better known as, Morons. They're a nice couple and have invited me to attend their church sometime. However, there is no way that is ever going to happen. Why? Because their religion does not allow masturbation.

http://www.moonmac.com/Mormon_masturbation.html

Here are some excerpts from the above article:

"Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal bathroom processes".

"When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the shower longer than five or six minutes - just long enough to clean yourself. Then dry off and GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present".

"Get out of bed immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity".

"Always wear pajamas at night (preferably ones that tie or are difficult to open). If you masturbate in semi-sleep conditions, you may need to wear several layers of clothing so that it would be difficult to masturbate in a half sleep state".

Obviously if one is a member of their church, they could still do it on the sly, but why be in a religion if you're not gonna follow its precepts? Of course I, myself, am happily married, but I'd still like to have the option on the table, just in case.

Roller Mania!

In the late 70's, I was introduced to the wonderful world of roller skating.



I was about 8 at the time and have very fond memories of those days. Disco was still quite hot, so plenty of that music was played at the rink. Of course, there was a disco ball in the center of the rink as well as lots of groovy lights. I don't recall it taking me too long to learn how to skate. The name of the skating center was called the High Roller.

http://www.highrollerskating.com/

It was located on the west side of Winona. Many times we would eat at Happy Joe's (as discussed in a prior post) and then head right next door to the rink. My strongest memories are from '83-'84. My mom would pay for us kids and then we would be buzzed in. We all went up to the counter and told an employee what our shoe sizes were. We then sat down at one of the tables and strung 'em up. Many serious skaters had their very own pair. It was fabulous getting on the floor and getting my groove on when they were playing one of my favorite songs ("Jam On It", "Let's Go Crazy", "I Feel for You"). A lot of the kids loved it when they played "Summer Nights" from the Grease soundtrack. There were several games that were played on the rink throughout the night. One was limbo.



Another was a dice game in which music would be played for a couple minutes, then when the music stopped, the skaters would have to stop at the closest of four corners on the rink. A huge frickin' dice was rolled on the rink and only the people at that numbered corner could continue the game. This was done over and over until there were only about 3 people left. Those 3 went up to the DJ and got some type of prize for winning.

The DJ was totally "the shit" at the rink. He played the best tunes. He worked the light show and his booth was high above all us peons. Sometimes the DJ would announce that the next dance was to be a "couples only" one. I always hoped that one day I could be like the guys on the floor, able to skate backward with a girl on their arms with no fear.

There was a small contingent of breakdancers (remember, it was 1984) who went to the rink to strut their stuff. They had a special place in the corner of the facility. My brother, Matt, only 7 at the time, was quite a prodigy. He had black parachute pants and was a master at doing the caterpillar.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Worm_(breakdancing_move)

From time to time, I would play video games at the center. My favorite one there was "Elevator Action".



One could develop quite a thirst, so there were many times when I went to the snack bar and bought a Coke from the fine-looking woman who worked there. Going to the bathroom could be a bit of a challenge. The restrooms had tiles in them (not carpeting). If you lost your balance at the urinal, well, it wasn't pretty.

I did like to skate quite fast from time to time, but you had to be careful. There would usually be a few collisions every night. It was always sad when 10 o'clock rolled around. Time to change back into my tennis shoes and turn in the skates, but by that time, I was usually quite tired and ready to head back to the crib.

The rink in Winona closed around 1985 and we were left without the joys that could only be found on the hard floor. Breakdancing faded away and I grew up. But, thankfully, I would one day return. LaCrosse, a city about 30 miles from Winona, continued to operate a skating rink. I was finally able to go back in the early '00's. Incredibly, this High Roller looked exactly like the one in Winona (not a huge surprise since they did have the same name). If it weren't for the music, you could swear it was 1984 once more. I got on my skates and it only took a few minutes to "remember" how to skate. I had quite a good time.

I've been back there several times in the last few years, most notably with Shanon last year. He hadn't been skating in years and was excited to get back on the horse. We went there in the early evening on a Saturday and put our skates on. I brought my camcorder so that I would have a permanent record of this magical place. I waited for Shanon to get out there, so I could tape his first few steps. There were mostly kids out there. The song playing was, "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy". Shanon was tentative at first, going quite slowly. He fell down almost immediately, but got right back up. He went a few more yards, then fell again.

Now, I've always prided myself on being steady with the camera. You know how sometimes when you're watching "America's Stupidest Home Videos", you watch something funny happen and the person with the camera taping it starts shaking the camera uncontrollably after he sees something funny that he has just taped? I wasn't like that. If an explosion happened in front of me, I would keep the camera perfectly steady so that future viewers of my tape would admire my skills. But when Shanon fell for the 3rd time in 45 seconds and his cell phone fell out of his pocket, I was laughing so hard that the camera shook a bit. Oh, well. Nobody's perfect.

An employee came out and asked if he was alright. He stopped and told him that he hadn't skated in quite a while. A minute later, he exited the rink. He had some blood on his hand from one of the falls he took and went into the bathroom to wash it off. He didn't have the balls to return to the rink. He called his brother and changed back into his tennis shoes. I skated for a good hour while he watched and had a bite to eat. On the ride home, Shanon said that he wished we had gone bowling instead.

Let's Cruise!

I was first introduced to the sexy boy in "Risky Business" ('83) and "All the Right Moves" ('83). I remember watching both on HBO in 1984 at my mom's place with my brothers and sister (my mom was living on her own at the time in an apartment in a pink house right across from the junior high). I felt that both movies were solid, especially "Business" since everyone can relate to not wanting to get into trouble when your parents come back home after trusting you to take care of the place. The most memorable aspect of "Moves" was the nude scene between Cruise and Lea Thompson. I got quite a chubby off of it, I must say. jk.

Looking back, I had also seen him in a supporting role in "The Outsiders" ('83). "Top Gun" came out a couple years later, but I just wasn't interested in seeing a movie about a hot-shot pilot. Same thing for "Days of Thunder" ('90), just not interested in a movie about stock car racing. I did catch "Rain Man" ('88) on video, however, and found it to be very good. It deserved all the accolades that it received and showed that Cruise could play more dramatic roles. 1992 brought "A Few Good Men" which I'm sure is good, but I just generally don't like courtroom dramas. I caught "Interview with the Vampire" ('94) on video and found it to be quite wicked. Tom was a pretty good cock, I mean, bloodsucker in that flick. I also caught "Mission: Impossible" ('96) on video, but wasn't too impressed.

I LOVED his next 6 movies, though, starting with "Jerry Maguire" in late 1996. I've already mentioned that this film, a chick flick at heart, was my favorite movie of '96. He came back in the summer of '99 with "Eyes Wide Shut" starring his wife at the time, Nicole. It showed what can happen when doubt and fear of infidelity start to enter into a relationship. Some people didn't get it, but I liked it. I loved the last lines of the movie where Kidman says, "I do love you and you know there is something very important we need to do as soon as possible". Cruise says, "What's that?", and Kidman replies, "Fuck".

Next was "Magnolia" ('99).



He only had a supporting role in this one (as a guy who runs a seminar for single men which teaches them how to seduce a woman and then leave her), but he won a Golden Globe for it and this is still one of my favorite movies.

In the summer of 2000, "Mission Impossible II" was released. Directed by John Woo (the director of "Face/Off"), it had plenty of great action pieces. I really dug it. One of the coolest parts is when Cruise was on that cycle.



Totally kick ass.

"Vanilla Sky" ('01) came out a few months after 7/11 and dealt with vanity, identity, and reality. It opened with a sequence taking place in Times Square in which Cruise is the only person there (This was not CG. It was actually filmed in the early morning when no one else was present). The ending was a jawdropper that took place at the top of a skyscraper in New York with the New York skyline (including the World Trade Center) in the background.



"Minority Report", directed by Spielberg, came out in the summer of '02 and again, I was floored.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/minority_report/

This near-future-set movie imagines a United States in which criminals are captured before they have ever committed a crime. The opening sequence, in which a man is captured by the Pre-Crime unit just as he is about to kill his wife, is phenomenal. The movie really picks up steam when Cruise, a member of the Pre-Crime team, is shown evidence that he will commit a murder 3 days hence. He goes on the run to figure out how this could be possible.

His next movie was "The Last Samurai" ('03). I'm sure it was decent, but I just couldn't get too jacked up about seeing Cruise as a U.S. soldier being groomed to be a Samurai. Maybe someday.

In '05, Cruise reunited with Spielberg for "War of the Worlds". It was good, just not as thought-provoking as "Report". It probably wasn't meant to be, but I still left the theatre feeling a bit disappointed.

"MI: III" came out last summer. I didn't get to it, but do plan to see it on telly sometime this year.

All in all, Cruise has been in a lot of mighty good movies and even if he doesn't ever get his groove back, there's still plenty of enjoyable stuff of his for me to look back on.

Tropical Depression

In the late spring of 1993, I was finally coming out of my shell and making friends. The man who started this was a chap named Dean. He was a member of CIA. No, not that one, you dirty devil. Christians In Action. We both attended Winona State at the time and were business majors. I lived off-campus in a house on East 3rd. He lived at Lourdes (how appropriate for a Christian) Hall.



It was a very old building with a lot of character. From time to time, I would get lost in their halls. There was much to do there, however. We played frisbee outside, walked around the neighborhood, and I once even ate at their cafeteria, which reminded me of a monastery (not surprisingly, it once was). I also got to know a friend of Dean's named Candy and spent some time with her as well. I had friends now, but still wasn't happy. How could this be? I gradually became more and more depressed.

It's hard to describe depression to someone who hasn't experienced it. It's not something that you can "snap out of". It's like telling someone with diabetes to "get over it". No matter what I did, no matter where I went, I was in emotional agony. All I wanted to do was stay in bed, in a fetal position, no less. If I couldn't be happy, what point was there in living? Dean encouraged me to pray which I did, but I still couldn't seem to get out of the shitter. I talked to my mom about what was going on. She suggested I see a counselor. I agreed. After all, this was something I could no longer handle on my own. I was seen at the Hiawatha Valley Mental Health Center.

They were located in downtown Winona, just a couple blocks from the mighty Mississip. I saw a nice lady there and talked about many things. My childhood, my time in college, the passing of my grandmother just a few months before. She encouraged me to get counseling regularly and that it probably wouldn't hurt to go on an antidepressant. In order to do this, I would need to see a psychiatrist. I was referred to Dr. Smick. She worked at Parkview Behavioral Health Systems (located just adjacent to the hospital). She did my intake and said there were several meds available for depression. She decided to put me on a more old-school one called Desipramine.

Smick told me it would take several weeks for me to feel the full effects. I didn't feel like waiting, but if it could improve my mood, I guess I could hold out. I started the meds, but there were problems right away. One of the main side effects of desipramine is difficulty urinating. That was something I tried to deal with, but couldn't. So a week or so later, I was put on a more recently discovered antidep, Zoloft. I lived right across the street from Goltz Pharmacy, so had no problem getting my fix, I mean, pills. My friends knew I was getting professional help and were quite supportive. I called my mom most every day to let her know how I was doing. She had recently separated from her 2nd husband and was sharing custody of their twin girls, who were just 5 years old at the time. I went to Winona's book store and found a book that helped me deal with the negative thinking that had begun to consume me.

http://www.webheights.net/lovethyself/burns/fg.htm

The Zoloft was better than the Desipramine, but not by much. I seemed to constantly have headaches while on it. Smick had told me to be patient, that one of the meds should be able to give me the kick I needed, but, thus far, it just felt like I was treading water.

New Years Eve

I had a good New Years Eve. I went to Friday's with a friend in the early evening (after all, in there, it's always Friday). It started snowing a bit as we finished up our meal (only the 2nd time it's snowed so far this season). I watched some of the New Years' shows on telly. I haven't had any alcohol at all for the past few years and felt that New Years' was as good a time as any to "indulge". There was a Bartles & Jaymes wine cooler in the fridge (it has been in there for several months). I opened the bottle, took a good swig or two, and then put it back in the fridge. I didn't feel much of an effect (it was 3.9% alcohol, BTW) after 10 minutes, so went back and drank some more. A short while later, I felt a bit of a, how you say, "buzz".



Nothing too big, but fairly pleasing nonetheless. I did have some stronger alcohol (I forget what it's called), but the wine cooler was good enough for me. I watched the ball drop in NY at 11pm our time. The snow was beginning to accumulate. Zoe (my Pomeranian) ran around a bit in the backyard and before you knew it, it was 2007.

Indy Returns in 2008!

http://comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=18208



As noted in prior entries, my favorite movie of 1981 was "Raiders of the Lost Ark" and my fave of 1989 was "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" (I did enjoy "Temple of Doom" as well, but it wasn't my favorite of 1984). After years of hearing that "Indy 4" would happen, it's good to hear that filming is finally scheduled to start in just a few months. Let's hope it's a worthy conclusion.

Auld Lang Syne

As '06 gives way to '07, I thought I'd give a summary of what events occurred in my life over these past 12 months. When the year started, I was working at Charter Communications (they're rubbish). I may elaborate on this in a future entry. But now I'm happier than a pig in slop working in the accounts payable department of a company that works with the developmentally disabled. When the year started, we had snow on the ground. As of today, we've had but one snowstorm this season (climate change). My dad had a stent put in a few months ago, but is recovering well. I now have a web journal that goes back several months. I went to a great concert (Vince) and had sex in my backyard for the first time (jk). I got a new winter jacket for the first time since 1992. I still have dial-up at home (and there's nothing you can do about it) and all 3 of my brothers still have big dongs.

Wishing you and yours all the best for '07.

I feel your pain...

A movie columnist whose website (www.hollywood-elsewhere.com) I regularly frequent got quite sick earlier this year. He had to spend a day or two in the hospital. The news happened to be on in his hospital room. Here was his priceless reaction when the President appeared:

2006

I went to 26 different movies in 2006. Since there were a couple movies that I saw multiple times, I had a total of 36 moviegoing experiences. In the early part of '06, I went to "Brokeback Mountain" with Shanon. He was a bit uncomfortable with the material (I'll elaborate on this in a future entry). I found the movie to be quite profound. We also went to (Hello, I'm Johnny Cash) "Walk the Line". Very good film. In the late winter, we saw "Final Destination 3", "Date Movie", and "V for Vendetta".

Spring came, as it is prone to do. Shanon and I went to "ATL" and "The Benchwarmers" (better than I expected). My 2nd favorite movie of the year was a sequel that I went to 5 times (including once with Shanon and once with my mom). The title: "Scary Movie 4".



These movies are totally my kind of humor, so it was no suprise that I was consistently laughing throughout the film. In the spring, I went to, "United 93". Very gripping and harrowing, undeniably powerful filmmaking (many critics' groups have named it the best movie of the year).

During the summer, I went to quite a few flicks. I elaborated on them in a prior entry, but just for the record, here are the ones that I saw: "The DaVinci Code", "X-Men: The Last Stand", "Over the Hedge", "Click" (Dori cried at the end of this one), "Superman Returns", "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" (rubbish), "Monster House", "Little Miss Sunshine" (very enjoyable, great cast), and "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby" (not as funny as I was hoping).

As the leaves fell, my moviegoing continued with Mark Wahlberg in "Invincible". I also saw "Jackass: Number Two" (OK), "The Illusionist" (fantastic, more details in a prior entry), "The Prestige" (nice! I took off work early to see this one), "Sweet Land" (a beautifully photographed movie that takes place in 1920's Minnesota), followed by two franchise movies with Shanon, "Casino Royale" (excellent) and "Rocky Balboa" (very good).

My favorite movie of the year will be no surprise to regular readers of this weblog. In September, I was invited to a special MySpace screening of a new movie based on one of Sacha Baron Cohen's characters from HBO's "Da Ali G Show" (I wrote quite extensively on this viewing experience in a prior entry). It opened nationally on November 3rd, but didn't come to Rochester, so I went to the Cities to see it that weekend. When it did open in Rochester on November 10th (my birthday), I went to it twice that weekend (once with Shanon). The following week, I went to it again. When I went out of town for Thanksgiving, I saw it with a couple friends. I went to it one more time (my 7th) just before it left town a couple weeks ago. I saw it in 5 different theatres. I am talking, of course, about



It's the funniest movie I (and many others) have seen in years. The reviews were almost universally positive.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/borat/

Here is a transcript of one of my favorite scenes:

Borat: [while driving] Look, there is a woman in a car! Can we follow her and maybe make a sexy time with her?
Driving Instructor: No, no, no, no, no, no!
Borat: A-why not?
Driving Instructor: Because a woman has the right to choose who she has sex with.
Borat: [stunned] WHAT...? You joke?
Driving Instructor: It must be consensual. How 'bout that?
Borat: [turns to Instructor, pauses] Ahahahahaha!



Driving Instructor: That's good, huh?
Borat: [pause] Is not good for me.

Vincemas

Oh my God. Christmas '06 just ended, but whadda you know. Here's the poster for a Vince Vaughn vehicle scheduled to open next November:



http://www.comingsoon.net/films.php?id=15852

Who Doesn't Love Polar Bears?

"The Bush administration has decided to propose listing the polar bear as threatened under the Endangered Species Act, putting the U.S. government on record as saying that global warming could drive one of the world's most recognizable animals out of existence."

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/12/26/AR2006122601034.html

The Day After Christmas

Yesterday I was able to catch up with my soul brother, Shanon. He came to town at around 3pm. We met at Best Buy. He had bought me 4 comedy CD's (Bill Cosby, 2 by Rodney Carrington, including this one,



and Harland Williams) for Christmas, but I wasn't really too interested in keeping any of them. So he brought the receipt along and said I could return one or two of them. While I waited in line to make the return, he went looking around in his favorite section of the store, DVD movies. After waiting 5-10 minutes, I got to the front of the line. The guy asked if I wanted to have the amount put on a gift card. I said I wanted, "cash money". I returned all 4 discs and got more than $50 cash back. Thanks, Shanon D. He assumed I just returned one or two. Oh well. I don't want to hurt his feelings by saying I returned everything. He was thinking of buying a few movies, but passed by the newest CD releases on his way to the checkout and found 3 discs he was interested in (the newest recording by Ludacris, by Chingy, and by a new guy called Akon).

Later, we went to eat at Famous Dave's. They were still playing some Christmas music as we ordered. Shanon said that hearing Xmas music is fine until the 1st of the year. Me, I'm Chrismased out. Shanon ordered the Devil's Spit burger (1/2 pound): Slathered with Devil's Spit BBQ sauce and topped with pepper-Jack cheese, jalapeño bacon and Hell-Fire Pickle Chips. Yummy...if you've got the stomach for it.

We then headed for the movie show. There was quite a line of people waiting to get tickets at Cinemagic. The movie I was most interested in seeing was



I went up to the cashier and said, "Yo, I wanna see Rocky" in my best Philly accent. I remember seeing Rocky IV during the Christmas season of 1985 (I was only 15 at the time, just a little shit). I missed Rock V, but heard it wasn't that great. I'm not a big fan of boxing, but I had read that this newest movie deals more with his life and the passing of his wife.

http://www.reelviews.net/movies/r/rocky_balboa.html

There is some fighting, but only near the end of the movie. It was quite a good film, definitely a fitting end to the saga.

Here is one of my favorite lines from the movie. In this scene, he is speaking to his son:

Rocky Balboa: Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!

Garth Part VII

I saw Garth in concert for the last (5th) time in October of 1998. I had seen him 4 times over the previous 8 days. Now my fantastic voyage was coming to an end. But I wouldn't be alone. My younger brother, Matt (4th from left)



had agreed to come along. He arrived in Rochester in the late afternoon. His mode of transport: a SHO.

After exchanging some pleasantries, we headed to the Twin Cities. Matt had been a fan of Enya in the early 90's, so he had a chuckle when we passed the town of Oronoco (one of Enya's most popular songs is called, "Orinoco Flow"). We caught up on things. He wasn't able to attend my wedding 2 months prior due to some issues he was experiencing. He was doing quite well now, though.

As we got closer to the Cities, I realized that I would need to stop for gas. So, I turned off at a truck stop and filled 'er up. I then went into the bathroom (Matt was buying a couple snacks). After the head, I went to my car and we headed out. I drove a few miles and looked at my fuel gauge, happy that I now had a full tank. I was about to tell Matt that it's good we stopped for gas when I realized that I hadn't paid for it. I had forgotten to pay at the checkout after getting out of the bathroom. Oops. I looked in my rearview mirror to be sure there were no police following us. There wasn't any time to return to the truck stop and make payment (showtime was getting closer).

We arrived in Minneapolis and parked the car. We found our seats (in the lower balcony) and the place began to fill up. Matt said that seeing a sellout crowd all fired up was worth coming for in and of itself. Trisha came out, GB performed. Garth's show (and his 9-night stand in the Cities) came to an end.

Garth posters had been put up all over the bathrooms. I decided I wanted to take one. No luck. They had all already been taken down by other Garth fanatics. On a related note, I should also mention that a couple times when I was in the men's bathroom over the 5 shows I attended, women came into the men's bathroom to "eliminate" (the lines to get into the women's bathrooms did get quite long). Suprisingly, none of the guys seemed to mind the women being there. Neither did I, though I did cover up my "equipment" pretty good when I saw that one (or more) of them were around.

Matt and I left Target Center and returned to southeastern Minnesota. He said he had a great time. About 6 months later, he was married and now has 2 sons. And with that, my Garth adventure was over. Perhaps one day he'll perform again, but if not, those 5 nights in October '98 will be a treasured memory of mine for many decades to come.

Today's the day!

Hey everybody. Make sure you spill your seed sometime today.

http://www.globalorgasm.org/

Even if you don't have a significant other. That's no excuse...

Vince Strikes Back!

"My 4th Vince Gill concert was my favorite of his yet and if he came back with the exact same show next year, I would buy tickets in a heartbeat."

The above quote is from a post I made last month after seeing Vince in concert in Saint Paul at the end of October.

I was listening to my new George Strait Christmas CD on the way into work yesterday and thought I'd read Strait's Wikipedia entry when I had some spare time. Shortly thereafter, I perused it and saw that he would be touring in '07. Curious, I went to Ticketmaster to see if he would be in our area. No luck. Oh well. Then I remembered that Vince was adding dates for his "These Days" tour.

So I went to his Ticketmaster page and saw that he would be playing at the LaCrosse Center in February. Wheels started turning. I remembered my comment from above. Holy crap. There were still seats on the main floor (I was in the balcony when I saw him in October). Tickets had just gone on sale on Monday. I ran it by Art. He wasn't too interested (he's trying to scrape together some money to get his car fixed). I called Mother Schofield. She said she'd think about it. I called her back a few hours later. She said she still wasn't sure. I said I'd like to know since if she didn't want to go, I'd ask Shanon. She said that was fine. So I called Banana boy who was very excited to go. He had seen Dierks Bentley (I'm not too familiar with his stuff) in LaCrosse a few weeks ago. I printed out the tickets through Ticketmasta. We're on the main floor in row number 9. Wicked! We'll probably eat at my favorite, Happy Joe's Pizza, before the show.

Happy Times!

Time magazine recently named Vince's new album the year's 9th best (of any genre).

Chenqui

Check this. Time magazine has named "Borat" the number 2 best movie of the year.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1570838,00.html

High-five!!!

Quagmire

I hate to come off as I know-it-all, but I was against this fiasco from the start. It just seemed so unprovoked and unnecessary. All those deaths, all that destruction, wasted lives.



For months afterward, most "Americans" still supported it, while the more enlightened (such as the Dixie Chicks) spoke up. Now, more than 3 and a half years after it all began, public sentiment has finally moved over to my side. My question is, "What the fuck took you so long?!"

Housekeeping...

Tummy Trouble

I got in my car this morning and immediately got that "not so fresh" feeling, you know, when you feel like you have to, how you say, make a shit. Now do I go back in the house and hang around in the bathroom for a good 20 minutes or chance driving the 10 minutes to work hoping I can make it without "following through"? "Screw it, I'm going to work", I thought. If I can make it to work without going, then I can be on the clock while I'm in the can.

I realized what it is that made me feel like I had to go at that moment. It was the swig of water I took before leaving the house. I would just need to make the best of it on my ride into town. Having the heat on too high in my car would exacerbate it (I know that from past experience). About halfway to work, my tummy started to hurt a bit, but I kept going. At the stoplights, I was like, "Come on...come on". Thankfully, I was able to make it to work without incident. High-five!!!

Fresh Cut Christmas

On Saturday, I went shopping with my friend, Shanon. While in the car, we listened to one of my favorite Christmas discs, "Have Yourself a Tractors Christmas" (I did a writeup on it a few weeks ago). We first mailed some bills at the post office, then proceeded to Hunt Drug to get some Christmas cards. I had to be sure to buy 3 Hallmark cards so that, for $7.95, I could get this new Christmas recording from one of my favorite country artists:



The CD is called, "Fresh Cut Christmas" and has 10 songs that he recorded especially for this holiday season (I have his two prior Christmas recordings).

After that, we headed to Shanon's big brother, Art-fart's, house to see the home that he and his girlfriend had recently moved into. When we pulled around to their street, we saw two people pushing a car in front of their house. It was them. I rolled down my window and yelled (to try to scare them), "What the fuck are you doin?!" They turned around and, seeing that it was us, smiled. Art's car has something wrong with the timing belt, so he's lookin' at being out about 500 bucks before this old year ends. They recently signed a contract with DirecTV. Not my bag, but to each his own.

Next we mosied to Shanon's favorite store, Best Buy. It was there that I bought a couple things for my mom and a couple for Banana (me and Shanon split up so we wouldn't see what we were buying for each other).

Our last stop before going out to eat was WalFart. I bought some chocolates for my colleagues here at the office. WalMart wasn't as busy as I thought it might be. Me and Shanon then headed out to Friday's and requested a booth. We ordered and chatted for a bit.

We enjoyed our meals, Shanon especially, since he got his entree' for no charge. Why? Well, the waiter either misunderstood what he ordered or (more likely) Shanon didn't say it properly.

Shanon wanted to go to a movie, but I just wasn't up for it. I had went on my own to see "Borat" for a 7th time (I'm not kidding) the night before. So we headed to the mighty Apache Mall for some more last-minute shopping. I didn't find anything, but Banana found a super-heavy-duty 5 in 1 winter jacket (normally 140 bucks, he got it for 56). I tried it on myself and, holy crap, I thought my old jacket was warm. His new one puts mine to shame. And thus ended the penultimate Saturday of 2006.

Let's Talk About...You-Know-What

Colette was blogging recently about wanting to "shake things up a bit" sexually with her man. Here is what I suggested she do:

Have you ever put a glazed donut around his knob when it is flaccid and then watched as it collapses when the size of his member enlarged?

It's a beautful mornin'...

What was a typical morning like for me in grade school? Well, let me give you a taste. Dad would leave for work before we even woke up. Mom would wake the school-age children up first. If we didn't get up at the sound of her voice, she would shake us gently at the shoulder. I usually didn't have too much problem getting up since I would almost always go to bed at a decent time the night before. Mom would lay clothes out for us to wear. About 15 minutes later, our breakfast would be ready. The radio in the kitchen would be playing the soft rock sounds of KAGE-95 FM (stuff like Duran Duran's "New Moon on Monday"). Their motto was "Today's Hits and Yesterday's Favorites". I remember our kitchen being colored orange and white. Mom usually made pancakes, french toast, oatmeal (love that brown sugar!), or scrambled eggs (since I was lactose intolerant, I could only eat the scrambled eggs if they were smothered in ketchup). Of course, there was always cereal, too, but since I was lactose, I always drank it without milk. Two of the cereals I remembered us having in those days were



as well as Kaboom. I typically drank orange juice for breakfast since I couldn't handle milk. After eating, it was time to walk to school (I lived about 3 blocks from the elementary school).

Christmas is comin'...

Tomorrow will be the day that I do the bulk of my Christmas shopping. My mom wants a Josh Groban CD as well as Alan Jackson's new one, "Like Red on a Rose". The girls want money and Shanon banana wants DVD's and/or CD's. I may go shoppin' with banana tomorrow. We'll see. I plan to go to the Island City tomorrow morning for a massage. I should be quite relaxed by the time I hit the stores in the afternoon.

The Ring

Where did the idea of a wedding ring come from? Why do people wear it on the left hand as opposed to the right? Why the third finger? The answers to these questions can be found here.

It is interesting to note that although the Bible makes no mention of wedding rings, they are used in virtually every Christian wedding ceremony.

Nine Reasons I Have to Be Happy Right Now

1. Zoe Lyn, my Pomeranian
2. Mayo Lyn, my tabby cat
3. My job
4. My dong
5. My place
6. My extensive CD collection
7. "The Office" TV show
8. That I'm at a fairly healthy weight
9. That I get to live forever

Massage

Sometime in the late 90's, I got a gift certificate for City Looks which could be used for a cut or for any of their spa services. Once I found out that they offered massages, I knew what I was gonna do. So I set up an appointment.

I had received my first massage in '93 in Winona. The lady who did it was pretty much the only one offering services of that kind in the island city. I found massages to be quite "choice". Not only was it relaxing during the massage, but my muscles continued to be relaxed for several days afterward. Needless to say, my stress levels went down, too. I was eager to continue the tradition in Rochester.

I headed out to the mall one evening and waited to be seen. I was introduced to my masseuse. She was just about the same age as me and was also from Winona. Our session went great. She was quite good. High-five!!! Every few months, I saw her and enjoyed every minute.

Some time later, I found out that she was no longer working at City Looks. She had moved back to Winona. I saw her replacement one evening, but she was nowhere near as good.

At least a year later, while browsing the paper, I saw an ad for a new spa that was opening in Rochester. The picture showed all of their employees and what do you know, she was in the pic. I made an appointment to get in as soon as possible and proceeded to see her several times at the new location. One embarassing time, I had forgotten to turn the headlights off on my car. By the time the appointment was over, the car was dead. She was able to help me jump it, though. Nice!!

But all good things never last. A little over a year ago, she decided to return to college...in Winona. But, thankfully, she opted to continue working with her magical fingers on the side. I've been to Winona to see her there at least 3 times. I look forward to returning sometime in the next few weeks. Through talking with her, I've found out that she actually lived in Rollingstone once, too (just as my family did all those years ago).

Though I haven't been seen at City Looks in years, while at the mall last night walking past that store, I could smell that same familiar aroma that I remembered from all those years ago when we were both in our 20's and happiness was only a massage away.

The movies of the summer of '06

With many of last summer's biggest movies now being released on DVD, I thought it would be a good time to give you my thoughts on many of them:

Things kicked off in early May with Cruise in "MI: III". I didn't get to it, but heard it had some pretty bitchin' action scenes. I also missed the disaster movie "Poseidon". May 19th gave us da "Da Vinci Code".



It was decent, but, man, did it drag and it would be hard for me to imagine ever seeing it again. The computer animated "Over the Hedge" also came out on 5-19. It was fairly pleasing. I liked Steve Carell as the screwy squirrel best. The following week saw the release of "X-Men: The Last Stand". It was a pretty worthy conclusion to the X-trilogy.

In early June, Vince Vaughn's somewhat downbeat "The Break Up" came out. I couldn't muster the strength to go to it. Sorry. June 9th brought the computer animated "Cars". After not being super impressed with Pixar's last movie "The Incredibles", I just couldn't get motivated enough to go see this one. Then there was Sandler's "Click". Pretty good, fairly funny. I got my money's worth. Then we had "Superman Returns". It was solid. No complaints. Looking forward to a sequel to it.

July saw the arrival of "Pirates 2". Nothing great, but it held my interest. I liked "Sups" better, though. July 21st saw the release of "Monster House" (great computer animated movie), "Clerks 2" (it didn't stay long enough for me to see it), "The Lady in the Water" (meh), and "My Super-Ex Girlfriend" (After "X3" and "Sups", I was already superheroed out).

The big one in August was "Talledega Nights" (good, but not as funny as I had hoped).

In sum, I'd have to say that this past summer's movies were quite unremarkable. Hopefully next year will be better. We're gonna get "Spidey 3", "Shrek 3", "Pirates 3", "Rush Hour 3", Oceans' 13 (Part 3), and "The Bourne Ultimatum" (Bourne 3). Actually, I'm only gonna go to movies next year that are part 3's. For more info on these upcoming titles, go to

http://comingsoon.net

Garth Part VI

3 Garth concerts down, 2 to go. My 4th show was just gonna be me. In some ways, I wasn't super jazzed about going. The whole point in going to several shows over a week and a half was to see him perform different songs over different shows, but his setlist had stayed mostly the same throughout. Nonetheless, I headed up to Minneapolis yet again.

Once I arrived at Target Center, I took a walk around outside the facility (as my brother, Mike, had once called it). I noticed a guy who looked familiar getting buzzed into the building. I realized that he was with the band (he was the keyboardist who played the grand piano while Garth came out of it at the beginning of each show). He had taken a bike ride and was now back at the Center getting ready for showtime.

I went through the turnstiles and thought about purchasing a GB jacket for over $100. Nah, I wouldn't wear it enough to justify the expense. I did buy two of his tour t-shirts, however (one which I've since worn out,



the other, I haven't ever worn).

Seats were pretty good. In the early going, something really cool happened. The lead guitarist came off the stage and went into the crowd. That was fit wicked. In the second half of the show, I started to smell smoke. Fire! No, there was this prick in back of me that had the itch. The mom and little girl next to him and his wife didn't have the nerve to tell him to put it out. He knew he wasn't supposed to smoke in the sacred arena. Well, I didn't give a shit. I was gonna report this sumbitch (it wasn't like I was gonna miss a song I hadn't seen GB perform earlier in the week). So I got an usher to come out. We made the fucka wipe his ass with the 'rette. he he

Next thing I wanted was to get some good pics of the king of country. I recalled that during the song, "Callin' Baton Rouge", Garth and his whole band faced the people behind the stage. So shortly before I knew the song was gonna start, I headed over there and prepared to get some shots. Click. Click. Click. I got quite a few good ones.

During "Friends in Low Places", paper (probably toilet) that said "g" on it was launched into the audience (they ate it all up). The show concluded with "Ain't Goin' Down" and "The Dance" blah blah blah... I headed home that night realizing that there was now just one more show to see. One more dance.

The CIA

Shady employees like the ones who "bugged" Diana should be deported and forced to work in India for IBM's help desk and have to speak in an Indian accent on all their "monitored" calls. They aren't real Americans, anyway.

Justin

I was driving with a friend on Friday night when JT's new song, "My Love" came on the radio. I told her that the song was by Justin Timberlake. She then said in all seriousness, "Is he black?"

J.C.

Check out the poster for this Jim Carrey movie coming out early next year:

Say what?

I don't like being aurally assaulted. That is why I always carry a pair of earplugs with me. If there's a group at Friday's who are getting out of hand, I put 'em on. Whenever I go to Cinemagic Theatres, I make sure they're in my pocket. You see, they have commercials that run for the half hour before the movie starts and they play them over and over again. With the earplugs, I can still hear the shit, but it's not as invasive (a tickle compared to a finger up the ass). Quite often when the trailers are on, I continue to wear the plugs, not only because most previews are shit, but also because they reveal too much. When I'm in for a really long wait (like the first midnight showing of the last "LOTR" movie in '3), I bring my headphones along and kick it while I'm waiting. Such is the life of a movie fan with sensitive ears.

November 17, 1999 - Journal entry

My 29th birthday went very well. My mom picked me up at work at 4pm. She took me home to take the dogs out and then we went to Fridays. She said someone was waiting for me. It turned out to be my dad. We had a very good dinner. I got an Adam Sandler CD, a Tori Amos videotape, a cake, a ski mask,



the Friendship with God book as well as a framed picture of me and my parents when I was a toddler. My father, Steve, paid for the meal and gave me $100 cash. I spent 5 of those dollars on "A Country Christmas 1999" at Target. It is the 4th consecutive year that I have purchased Target's country Christmas collection. The CD's consist of mostly new Christmas songs performed by some of my favorite artists. I first bought it in 1996, a few weeks after I moved to Rochester. Then in 1997, shortly after I moved to my current residence at 1231 1st St SW, Apt. 5A and again in 1998.

Cows

I've eaten burgers for years, decades. It is one of my two favorite foods (pizza being the other). As of late, however, I am wondering if I wish to continue down this path. A movie opened in the bigger cities a few weeks ago called, "Fast Food Nation". It is loosely based on the book of the same name by Eric Schlosser. I haven't read the book, but below is a summary of its subject matter (click on the link and then click on the Salon article):

http://www.complete-review.com/reviews/food/schlosse.htm

I just don't like the idea of cows dying for me. I'm wondering if it's really the meat that keeps me going back to Wendy's and Friday's. I despise steak, pork chops, and all that other stuff. All I'll eat is a hamburger, but it's not just the patty. I'm also eating the bread (bun), pickles, onions, mustard, and tons of ketchup. If meat is so good, why do I have to put ketchup on it before each bite I take?

I'm gonna try to eat a burger just once a week if I can swing it. Tonight I'll have pizza. Later this week, fish and chicken.

Wish me luck.

Christmas Music Part V

My favorite Christmas record is an all-instrumental one. I first found it on cassette at a pawn shop in LaCrosse in the late 90's. It was only a couple bucks, so I bought it and enjoyed it immensely. The 15 tracks really brought out the celebratory nature of Christmas, even more than most of the other Christmas music I had been exposed to. No surprise, then, that I sought to find it on CD. They did have it at Wal-Mart, but only as an abbreviated version (9 or 10 of the songs were on it). I would only accept the complete version, so went to Sam Goody at the mall and special-ordered it. A few days later, it arrived and I was happier than a pig in slop. Feast your eyes on it.



My friend, Art, liked the double meaning of the album's title.

If you wanna taste, go to Amazon.com and enter the disc's title (they have samples of each track).

1997

1997 was a fantastic year for movie fans. The year really kicked off with the 20th anniversary rerelease of the original "Star Wars" on January 31st.



This "special edition" of the movie had a few "improvements" that were made to it by George Lucas, including "enhanced" special effects and an extra scene. I drove to the Barclay Square 6 to see it one wintry Saturday afternoon. My car at the time (a white Ford Escort) wasn't super reliable, but it was fine for driving around town. I got there kinda late, the biggest screen had been reserved for the movie. The place was packed, incredible for a movie that was 20 years old and there were tons of kids seeing the movie for the first time on the big screen. I had to sit off to the side. I was quickly into it and felt much as I did as a child viewing it for the first time 16 years prior. It was a great experience returning to that galaxy. The "Star Wars" reissue was actually the number 8 top-grossing movie of the year earning well over $100 million. The movie industry was shocked at how many showed up to see a movie that could be viewed at home. 3 weeks later, I returned to Barclay to view the movie that introduced me to the Star Wars saga, "The Empire Strikes Back". I went to see it in the evening (at the time, I had just started working for Premiere Video). And 3 weeks after that, it was "Return of the Jedi". Dori accompanied me to that one. She wasn't too impressed, though (she generally doesn't like scifi movies, anyway).

Other movies I went to in the spring of 1997 included Kurt Russell in a fabulous thriller called "Breakdown", Chris Farley in "Beverly Hills Ninja", Eddie Murphy in "Metro", Kevin Smith's "Chasing Amy", Chevy Chase's "Vegas Vacation", Jamie Foxx in "Booty Call" (shut up!), Howard Stern's "Private Parts" (heh heh), "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion" (I paid to see it this time), Robin Williams in the crappy "Fathers' Day", the original "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery", Val Kilmer as "The Saint", Bruce Willis in "The Fifth Element", and Jim Carrey in "Liar Liar".

The summer was even more rockin'. I saw Harrison Ford in "Air Force One", Will Smith in "Men in Black", Mel and Julia in "Conspiracy Theory", Julia in "My Best Friend's Wedding", Jodie in "Contact" (the opening sequence in it is awesome), Lemmon and Matthau in "Out to Sea", Tim Robbins in "Nothing to Lose", the Disney movie "Hercules", a remake of "Leave it to Beaver", Chris Tucker's breakthrough in "Money Talks", Nicolas in "ConAir", "Batman & Robin" (Dori actually enjoyed this one, in no small part because Clooney played the Dark Knight), and "The Lost World: Jurassic Park". What would most likely be my favorite movie of the year also came out in the summer. To this day, it is one of the best action movies I have ever seen. I was left breathless by it and went to it three times that summer (including once with my friend from high school, Brian, and at the cheap theatre with my cousin, Andy Dick (no relation to the notorious comedian). Starring Travolta and Cage, I'm talking about



John and Nicolas just give fantastic performances in a movie in which they actually trade "faces".

In the fall of '97, I went to Michael Douglas's "The Game" (another solid thriller), the first movie from Matt Damon, "The Rainmaker" (he played a lawyer in it), the scifi flick "Starship Troopers" (before the movie started, I actually heard a geek say to another guy that he only watches scifi movies), Gere and Willis in the blah "The Jackal", Travolta in the not-very-good "She's So Lovely", Penn in "U-Turn", "Fire Down Below" (the only Seagal movie I've ever seen), Hopkins in "The Edge", Clooney & Kidman in "The Peacemaker", Pacino and Keanu in "Devil's Advocate", Pitt in "Seven Years in Tibet", another Tibet movie called "Kundun", "Boogie Nights", DeNiro and Hoffman in "Wag the Dog", Duvall as "The Apostle", "FairyTale: A True Story" (I don't wanna talk about it), Ethan & Uma in the futuristic "Gattaca", Kevin Kline in "In & Out", "I Know What You Did Last Summer", "Scream 2", "Good Will Hunting", and Nicholson in "As Good As It Gets".

It was now Christmas time and two new movies had just opened, both 3-hour epics: Kevin Costner in "The Postman" and a James Cameron movie (he had directed my favorite of '91, "T2") called "Titanic". I know I'm gonna get a lot of crap, but I wasn't too big on seeing "Titanic". I was like, yeah, we all know what happens at the end, blah, blah, blah. So I went to "The Postman" one weekend afternoon and enjoyed it, actually. The movie takes place in a near-future post apocalyptic world.

I didn't think too much about "Titanic" after that. I remember it getting a very positive review (A-) from EW. At this time, I was working at Barnes & Noble as a holiday season bookseller (I wasn't getting enough hours at the video store). I recall one of the female employees, Ann, coming into the bookstore at around 10pm. She was crying a bit and we were asking her what was wrong. She said she had just seen "Titanic" and that it had really gotten to her. I was starting to get the idea that this movie might be more special than I had originally thought. The buzz was speading. So, one wintry evening, I headed out to the Galleria theaters downtown to see it. It was playing on 2 screens there (and did so for several months). There were a lot of people there, especially women, so I had to sit off to the side again. The lights dimmed and we witnessed "Titanic".



I was captivated. It really took one back to that time. The music in the movie was very Enya-esque (I was a fan of hers at the time). And I found myself really getting caught up in the romance between Jack and Rose, so much so that when the iceberg approached, I was like, "Oh yeah, the ship is gonna sink, innit..." The last hour had just fantastic special effects while still allowing the characters' to take center stage. As the credits rolled, I felt something that I'd never really felt before in a movie. Just a huge sigh and bliss and joy at having seen something so incredible (I felt it again in '99 for my fave movie of that year, but haven't since).

It goes without saying that that night my favorite movie of 1997 went from being "Face/Off" to "Titanic" (the top grossing movie of that year and the top-grossing movie of all time, both in the U.S. and worldwide). About a week later, I went to it again. I can remember hearing a lot of sniffling over the last half hour of the movie. It really got people in the gut.

Little did I know that my 2 half sisters, Erin and Sarah, were about to begin their own love affair with the movie. They were only 9 years old, but they fell really hard for Leonardo. They went to the movie at least 10(!) times with my mother and plastered their walls with clippings of Mr. DiCaprio.

Sometime in 1998, I was at the Winona cemetary with the girls and my mom. I walked a ways away and said, in all seriousness, that I was looking at a grave that said J. Dawson (a reference to Leo's character in the movie). They both looked at me and one of them said, "Are you serious?". I said it was a joke.

Inevitably, a Leonardo backlash started. In 1998, when I was working as a caregiver for 3 developmentally disabled guys, I picked up the guys' mail. One of them had a subscription to Cracked magazine and on the cover was a picture of Leo with his head about to be taken off on a tree stump and titled: Leonardo Decapitated. I have to say I did get a chuckle out of it.

In 2003, the Chateau theatres in Rochester had a special Valentine's Day presentation of "Titanic". They showed it several times that day. I went to it in the afternoon (I hadn't seen the movie since its original release 5 years prior). There weren't too many people there, but that didn't matter. The movie played just about as strong as I remember. Incidentally, it was very cold in that theatre, so cold in fact, that I complained to an employee about it and was able to get a couple free tickets.

My mom bought me the special deluxe DVD edition of "Titanic" last year. It has deleted scenes, commentaries, and lots of other goodies. I'm looking forward to viewing all these extras in the near future as the 10-year anniversary of the release of "Titanic" approaches.

What's also interesting is that the movie that kickstarted 1997 for me, "Star Wars", is the number 2 movie of all-time in the U.S. while the movie that ended the year, "Titanic", is number 1.

I told you it was a great year for movies...

Axel

Beverly Hills Cop 4: The Revenge

The first R-rated movie I ever went to was 1984's "Best Defense" starring Eddie Murphy and Dudley Moore. My mom took me to it along with her brother, Rick, who lived just across the street from the movie theatre. The movie started out with a pretty steamy sex scene. I was like, "Damn". The movie wasn't the greatest, though. For one thing, Eddie Murphy only had a very limited supporting role. But I did enjoy the cursing and nudity.

My mom took me to a much better R-rated movie at the end of '84. It was the top-grossing movie of the year, "Beverly Hills Cop".



I loved every minute of it. Here are some of my favorite lines from the movie:

Sergeant Taggart: We're more likely to believe an important local businessman than a foul-mouthed jerk from out of town.
Axel Foley: Foul-mouthed? Fuck you, man.

(To two hotel employees)
Axel Foley: Don't you think I realize what's going on here, miss? Who do you think I am, huh? Don't you think I know that if I was some hotshot from out of town that pulled inside here and you guys made a reservation mistake, I'd be the first one to get a room and I'd be upstairs relaxing right now. But I'm not some hotshot from out of town, I'm a small reporter from "RollingStone" magazine that's in town to do an exclusive interview with Michael Jackson that's gonna be picked up by every major magazine in the country. I was gonna call the article "Michael Jackson Is Sitting On Top of the World," but now I think I might as well just call it "Michael Jackson Can Sit On Top of the World Just As Long As He Doesn't Sit in the Beverly Palm Hotel 'Cause There's No Niggers Allowed in There!"

Christmas Music Part IV

No Christmas collection is complete without 1999's



Here are the lyrics to the first song:

We all know of Rudolph and his shining nose
We all know Frosty who's made out of snow
But all of those stories seem kind of... gay
Cause we all know who brightens up our holiday

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
Small and brown he comes from you
Sit on the toilet here he comes
Squeeze him 'tween your festive buns

A present from down below
Spreading joy with a "Howdy-Ho!"
He's seen the love inside of you
Cause he's a piece of poo

Sometimes he's nutty
Sometimes he's corny
He can be brown or greenish brown (Mmmhmm!)
But if you eat fiber on Christmas eve
He might come to your town!

Cartman: Well Kyle where is he?
Kyle: Ehh .. He's coming!
Stan: Come on dude, push!
Kyle: Ehhhh... I'm Trying!
Cartman: Wait, wait I can see his head!
Kyle: Here he comes! [POP!]
Mr. Hankey: Howdy Ho!
I'm Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
Seasons Greetings to all of you!
Let's sing songs and dance and play
Now before I melt away.
Here's a game I like to play
Stick me in your mouth and try to say
Howdy ho ho yum yum yum
Christmas Time has come!

Singers: Sometimes He's runny
Sometimes he's firm
Sometimes he practically water
Sometimes he hangs off the end of your ass
And won't fall in the toilet
Cause he's just clinging to your sphincter
And he wont drop off...and so you shake your ass around
And try to get it to drop in the toilet and finally it does.

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
When Christmas leaves he must leave too
Flush him down but he's never gone
His smell and his spirit linger on.

Howdy Ho!

August 16, 2006 - Journal entry

Last night, I woke up at about 3am and had a bite to eat. As I sat eating, my arse started to itch. I took a look in the bathroom mirror and saw about 10 red bite marks on it. They didn't look at all like mosquito bites. Then I remembered that there had been an article in the prior day's newspaper regarding bedbugs. I dug through the trash and found it. Yep, it appeared that I'd had a visit from them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bedbug

It goes without saying that I took the sheet I was sleeping on earlier in the night and put a new one on the bed. The next step will be to physically inspect the bedroom for the little buggers and also to put all beddings in the dryer on super high heat.