Thursday, January 11, 2007

Impure Thoughts

I am acquainted with a couple who are Latter Day Saints or, as they're more better known as, Morons. They're a nice couple and have invited me to attend their church sometime. However, there is no way that is ever going to happen. Why? Because their religion does not allow masturbation.

http://www.moonmac.com/Mormon_masturbation.html

Here are some excerpts from the above article:

"Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal bathroom processes".

"When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the shower longer than five or six minutes - just long enough to clean yourself. Then dry off and GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present".

"Get out of bed immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity".

"Always wear pajamas at night (preferably ones that tie or are difficult to open). If you masturbate in semi-sleep conditions, you may need to wear several layers of clothing so that it would be difficult to masturbate in a half sleep state".

Obviously if one is a member of their church, they could still do it on the sly, but why be in a religion if you're not gonna follow its precepts? Of course I, myself, am happily married, but I'd still like to have the option on the table, just in case.

3 comments:

Rocketstar said...

yeah, Mormonism is quite the unique cult with their special underwear and book written by soem dude, but it is not unique in damninng the 100% natural and NECESSARY act of masturbation. Catholicism also damsn the "spilling of seed" unless for procreation. It is ludicrous. If a man goes without spilling seed for long enough, he will spill seed nocturnally because the male body is programmed to spill seed, that is WHY we are here.

Oragnaized reiligion is all aboout controlling people. If there is a creator of the universe, to think that it cares that I whack off is INSANE. How I loathe organized religion.

Love the t-shirt!

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

I know it's probably not good, but I had to have a laugh at that. It's not so much that the condemn it...as rocketstar pointed out it's not just the Mormons who forbid it, but the way they go about telling people how to avoid masterbating...that just tickles me.

By the way, my sister's tutor is Mormon.

Thomas said...

Yes, tis quite amusing. Here is a link to a page that (amusingly) goes point-by-point over the "overcoming masturbation" article.

http://atheism.about.com/b/a/108252.htm