December 27, 1999 - Journal entry

It was Christmas this past weekend. I enjoyed having the last 3 days off. On Friday, Christmas Eve, I went to the Jim Carrey movie, "Man on the Moon". It's a biographical movie based on the life of "Taxi" star Andy Kaufman. It was alright, but not very good and surprisingly unfunny. My feet were also somewhat cold during the show, but it didn't matter since I wasn't really enjoying myself, anyway. But it kept me busy on Christmas Eve.

On Christmas Day, me and Zoe and Dori went to the Schofield house to have lunch with Cathy and Rick and Max. The girls made an appearance later in the day. I had a good time there; opening presents and visiting.

Then on Sunday, I had Shanon come out from Lewiston and we went to Wendy's, Wal-Mart, and Target. I also gave him his presents. His gifts for us are at Art's place.

My peace of mind lately has been interesting. I go to work, take the dogs out, have supper, watch some TV, take a bath, and go to bed. On weekends, I can do what I want. And all this is fine with me. I don't really feel that I am missing anything. When I have no places to go, my favorite things to do are to take a warm bath and lay down in bed. In the past, I felt that I should go somewhere and meet people and such. Now, I don't really have the desire. This has to do with my laid-back attitude and the fact that I don't HAVE to do anything. There's nowhere I need to go, no one I need to see, no goals that absolutely have to be done. I'm exaggerating a bit, but I do have a choice in all things. I choose to go to work. I choose to do virtually everything that I accomplish. Only rarely will I do anything that I don't want to. I remember as a youngster, my parents telling me from time to time that I would sometimes have to do things I don't want to. But I can't really recall the last time I did something that I really didn't want to at some level.

There is also the fact that I don't look at life as so many years and then you die. I know that I existed before I became Thomas D and that I will continue to exist long after. So I may not be as compelled to have kids as others who think that all they get is one life and out. I know that I probably have had offspring in the past and/or the future, so having them right now is not necessary, although sometime in the next few years I may choose to do so. Everything is now, and in this instant, I don't want to take care of a child. In the future, I may. In the future, having children is, like everything else, possible. But, in this instant, it is not a concern. Ask me about it next year.

That's all for now. It's almost 6pm. Time to take the dogs out, get a bite, get some gas, watch some TV, take a bath...