Thursday, January 28, 2010

Timeless Wisdom

Any regular reader of this weblog knows that I am a fan of Eastern philosophy. It offers a more complete picture of how to deal with life than just relying on the Western bits. In that vein, here are some quotes from a man who lived in China twenty-five hundred years ago, Confucius.

I posted a version of this almost three years ago, but have since added twenty new ones for those who have read it before (this means you, Rocket):

Confucius say, he who hesitates is probably right.
Confucius say, war not determine who right, war determine who left.
Confucius say, virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone.
Confucius say, baseball wrong, man with four balls not able to walk.
Confucius say, man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
Confucius say, it takes many nails to build crib, one screw to fill it.
Confucius say, passionate kiss like spider web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
Confucius say, man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day long.
Confucius say, squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
Confucius say, man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
Confucius say, do not drink and park, accidents cause people.
Confucius say, man who run through airport turnstile backward going to Bangkok.
Confucius say, man who live in glass house, should change in basement.
Confucius say, man who fart in church, sit in own pew.
Confucius say, man who masturbate, only screwing himself.
Confucius say, man with hand in pocket all day not crazy, just feeling nuts.
Confucius say, man who have last laugh, not get joke.
Confucius say, early to bed, and early to rise, makes a man healthy...but a social loser.
Confucius say, a Rubix cube is like a penis, the longer you play with it, the harder it gets.
Confucius say, a woman can humiliate any man by simply saying "Hold my purse."
Confucius say, the useless skin around a penis is called "a man".
Confucius say, a vagina is like a very small hotel. One must leave his bag outside.
Confucius say, man who mix Viagra and Ex-Lax doesn't know if he's coming or going.
Confucius say, a smile is like tight makes your cheeks go up.
Confucius say, marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
Confucius say, at a nudist wedding, you don't have to ask - you can see who the best man is.
Confucius say, men are like spray paint, one squeeze and they're all over you.
Confucius say, gynecologist and pizza delivery man are very much alike...both get to smell the goods, but neither one can eat it.
Confucius say, Viagra is like Disneyland...a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
Confucius say, woman who fall in love with elevator operator, usually get the shaft.
Confucius say, blondes have more fun because they are easier to amuse.
Confucius say, whether or not sex is better than pot, depends on the pusher.
Confucius say, blowing into a blonde's ear is called Data transfer.
Confucius say, men are like cement...after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
Confucius say, oral sex makes one's day, but anal sex makes one's hole weak.
Confucius say, dog may be man's best friend, but pussy not far behind.
Confucius say, Christmas trees are like priests...their balls are just for decoration.


Dave said...

This Confucius guy was a lot more foreseeing than I thought :-/

Extra Ordinary Me said...

haha... very good.

Narkissos said...

lol lol lol....hilarious thomsy......
foreseing? get outta here...he actually sed those stuff about data, airport, viagra, pizza etc......?!?

Rocketstar said...

I always liked, "those who think twice speak less often."

Timothy Smith said...

"Confucius say, a vagina is like a very small hotel. One must leave his bag outside."

That one made me laugh out loud.