Monday, April 20, 2009

What The Heart Wants

A close friend of mine dissolved a relationship he'd had with a woman for the past five years this past week. For years, he complained that she didn't give him enough freedom, that she would all but cry (and sometimes even do that) if he said he wanted to get together with his male friends.

About a month ago, I was able to convince him to accompany me to Friday's (knowing what her reaction would be, he didn't say a peep about it to her). It was partially his fault. I told him countless times that he needed to put his foot down, that it needn't be this way. Despite these issues, it was still fun going out to eat with the both of them. I was certainly thrown for a loop when I received a phone call on Friday that the couple were breaking up; the first thing I said was, "Yeah, right".

The thing that finally pushed him over the edge was when a woman he's known for more than a decade said she was available. This is a girl he's always wanted to be with, but never thought would be interested. He asked what I thought of his plans. I quoted Anakin Skywalker's mother in Episode I when she said to her son: "What does your heart tell you?". He replied, "That I want to be with her". And it really is that simple.

We walked around the lake on Saturday

and he talked of how good it felt to have this freedom, to not have to hide things anymore, that he can be totally honest with this new woman (they're taking it very slow as he completes the separation process from his previous love).

After a bit of pondering, I realized why he is so happy now; it's because he can truly be himself. When he was with the other woman, he couldn't be authentic. He had to talk, act a certain way with her. The soul longs for the freedom to be what it is, which is freedom, joy, and love. And his soul is singing very joyfully at the moment. Of course, I feel bad for the woman left behind and this new relationship may not even work out, but it is great to see a loved one happy, blissful, and waking up every day with a spring in their step.


Brian in Mpls said...

Good for him:)

disestablishingpuritanism said...

I'm the same guy as your friend here, Thomas. Yes, that same bickering is what I've received whenever I wanted to do something with the guys. This is why my heart tells me this can't last long-term, but I'm a coward who doesn't have the heart to tell her. I don't want someone else to be hurt and by no means is this an egotistical or arrogant view of myself. It's just that simple but also that difficult when with someone this long.

The end may be near, as she heads to New England while I stay at her parents' house petsitting. My friends and family continue to tell me to look at dating other women. Perhaps, I might need to begin traveling down a different path for finding happiness in a relationship.

Timothy Smith said...

Good story, I was in a relationship like that myself. I would always hide my life from her just so I could hang out with my friends. She would call every 15 minutes non-stop and was always asking "whats wrong?". (I am so thankful cell phones were not around back then)

I felt controlled and could not stand it. Only thing keeping me involved is she was smoking hot and great in bed as tends to be the case with the neurotic ones.

Everything is a learning experience and she taught me what to watch out for in future relationships and the woman I married is the exact opposite.

When I am out with my friends they all have to text 40-50 times or call their GF every half hour, its pathetic. My wife and I laugh and are thankful that we let each other be independent people.

You are right Tom, something deep down yearns to be free and relationships like that are suffocating. I felt like I was released from prison when I broke up with the nurotic chick.

People that don't want you hanging with your friends usually do so out of jealously because they don't have those relationships themselves.

I would seek a girl that does not NEED you. Clingy controlling women are something you should run from, unless they are smokin hot, then you should have sex a while before running.

Rocketstar said...

Good for him, one should not have to change or hide for anyone.