My Favorite College Class

During my last year of college, in order to break up the monotony of having to take so many Business classes (for my major), I took a number of philosophy ones. My favorite was the Religion one. It took an overview of five major world religions: Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. The professor who taught it was a relatively young bloke from out east. Though I had a casual understanding of each faith, I was interested in learning more.

Our textbook for the class was, "The World's Religions" which was written by Huston Smith. One of the first things we learned is that to know one religion is to know none since you have nothing to compare it to. It made me feel a bit sorry for my brothers who have only ever known one religion (Jehovah's Witnesses). Most of my other classmates were younger since at this time (1995) I was 25 years old.

The first religion we learned about was Hinduism. One of its major tenets is reincarnation. I believe wholeheartedly in reincarnation, but not quite in the way that you might think. I don't believe that we die and then go directly into another womb to immediately be born again. I think that we die, cross over, meet departed loved ones, have a life review, and then chill for quite a spell before deciding if we want to return to the land of duality. Some may not wish to go back and that is their right. Of course, this infers that we chose to be born in this lifetime which I also believe.

Some may say, "But I don't remember anything before this lifetime". Well, I don't remember being born, but I obviously was. Living in the physical plane is kinda like being the actor in a play, but forgetting that the play is not reality, but an illusion. It was Shakespeare who said, "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances...”

So many of us get too caught up in the drama forgetting who we really are. It takes but a moment to remember. After we cross over, everything comes back to us, we remember our mission, and all is well (nderf.org has thousands of first hand accounts which say as much) . I strive to remember that all is well this very minute, that we don't get to live forever, but are already doing so. Karma is also a major aspect of Hinduism. I don't believe everything that the religion preaches, but do admire it. It's the oldest religion of the five.

My favorite of the five is Buddhism. One of the things I like about it is that it's very short on rules and ritual. It consists of very simple steps on how to achieve total spiritual creaminess. I mean, look at the Dalai Lama and tell me he's not enlightened:



Buddhism is also all about going within, meditating. Instead of talking to God (praying), you listen, you breathe. I'd like to go a bit into prayer now. I know that millions (billions?) get much out of saying prayers before they go to bed, upon getting up, and everywhere in between, but I've never been a huge fan of this, especially in the last decade. Though I admit to a greater deal of calmness after a prayer is said before a meal, I personally think that every thought is a prayer and that God is well aware of our wishes, that we don't have to get on our knees and clasp our hands for Him (Her?) to know of them. Speaking of which, why the hell is God male, anyway? Does he have a penis and if so, who would he use it on?

Getting back to prayer, I say 5 affirmations in the morning, but I never really ask for anything. Just seems too presumptuous to me. I mean, who wants to come to Earth and have an easy life? It's like taking a test that's too simple. There's no challenge, nothing to be proud of. I just have faith that all is well and that all is for my highest good. In this way, I am quite unattached to specific results, to things having to be a certain way. On most things, I move very quickly into acceptance. After all, expectation is the mother of misery, something I should've remembered as I went to "The Dark Knight" on Friday evening (I was a tad let down by it).

On my other website, I mentioned how a reader at Celebrate Your Life said she saw me as a monk and I gave several reasons why this didn't surprise me. She also mentioned that I should go within more. Another good aspect of Buddhism is that it is a peaceful religion as opposed to Christianity (Crusades) and Islam (modern-day fundamentalists). It's also hard to find a worldview that makes more sense than the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism: to live means to suffer, the origin of suffering is attachment, the cessation of suffering is attainable through the Eightfold Path.

In the class, we were required to read a separate paperback book in addition to the section on it in the Smith text. Called "Siddhartha", it's a novel which deals with the spiritual journey of a man who lived during the time of the Buddha. The main character spends the duration of the book looking for enlightenment. It wound up being one of the best books I ever read. During the time we were reading it, I remember the professor telling us to do what we could to find our own enlightenment and to let him know if one of us were able to find it. Wouldn't that be grand, I thought. Another memorable quote the professor liked to give us was "Work out your own salvation with diligence".

Next it was on to Judaism. There was some good stuff to be found there, but it was much too big on ritual and the Torah, the first five books of the Bible, are quite harsh. Add that to cutting off a portion of a newborn babies' pleasure center and I'm gonna have to pass.

Then we studied Christianity. I could tell that many of my classmates were eager to take an unbiased look at it. I'm sure many grew up believing its tenets without having the chance to really examine them. Thankfully, that's what college is all about. As it came time to study the final religion, Islam, I grew a bit wistful. I'd learned so much, we'd had so many good discussions, but our time was coming to an end. Islam was alright, hey, it's good enough for Obama, isn't it, but its rules really went into overkill. Nonetheless, the Islam section allowed for one of the most memorable discussions of the quarter to take place when a Muslim came to speak before us one morning. He brought along the Islamic flag for Saudi Arabia (his country of origin) and put it on the chalkboard:

He talked for a while about the rituals he followed such as praying five times a day on a mat. It's interesting that prayer is actually compulsory for them, something they have to do. The gentleman was quite nice and it was great to hear someone talk about a religion that most of us weren't very familiar with. The highlight came when the young lady next to me asked why the Islamic flag had a sword on it. I had been wondering the same thing. Islam is supposed to be a religion of peace, so why is a weapon displayed? I don't recall specifically how the man answered, but the reasoning he gave was quite weak. So the lady asked him to elaborate. The guy just couldn't justify the symbol and the lady next to me knew it. Ah, well...

The class ended a few weeks later, but I will always look back with fondness on that winter when I learned about some of the crazy (and not so crazy) things that people believe. I humbly include myself among them. The class taught me to be even more spiritual than I already was. When I had time before class, instead of sitting on a bench, I would find a tree and sit with my back against its mighty trunk. On my walk to college in the morning, I would often stop in front of trees and touch them for a few seconds while sending positive thoughts their way.

One of my favorite CD's from the time period was Ace of Base's second album The Bridge. I frequently sang the opening line from one of its songs, "Life is a paradise"...

Swim

As a boy of about 7 or 8, my mom wanted me to learn how to swim, so signed me up for a swimming class at the Y. I had several classes over many weeks with a number of other similarly-aged youngsters. I learned some of the basics, but hadn't fully grasped how to swim by the time we had our last day of class.

On that fateful day, parents were allowed to come and see what their children had learned (my mom came to see me on this day). The better swimmers did laps near the middle of the pool while I, being just a novice, hung close to the side of the pool so that I could easily grab the sidebar for support. We had at least a couple instructors who were in the pool with us at all times.

On one lap, I got too far away from the side of the pool and felt like I was about to drown. I desperately tried to tread water, but was starting to panic. I looked up at my mom. She appeared to be looking elsewhere. None of the instructors was looking my way. With water in my mouth, I couldn't yell or scream. After what seemed like an eternity, one of the instructors finally came to my aid and said she was sorry she had forgotten me.

Several years later, I had swimming class in junior high, but still didn't fully learn how to swim. To this day, I still don't.

Are You a Member?

As some of you may know, I'm a big fan of the 80's. Back in February, I started watching a VH-1 show in which a geeky DJ would ask goofy questions of celebrities (the celebrities were not aware ahead of time that the questions they would be getting were going to be so off-the-wall). It's called "Free Radio". I warmed up to the main character, Lance, in no small part because he wore Members Only jackets throughout his interviews.

Go here if you want a taste of what the show is like. I wore a jacket just like the one pictured above from '87-'89. After watching the show, I knew I wanted to purchase another one for old times sake. I couldn't really find any old-school jackets that were reasonably priced, but was able to find some updated ones at Classic Closeouts.com. They had a deal where if you bought $50 worth of stuff, you'd get free shipping. They had quite a number of Members jackets to choose from. I wound up picking out 5.

When they arrived, I modeled each of them for my beloved. She wasn't impressed. She told me that they look like "Michael Jackson", that they're seriously "out-of-style" and asked if I'd think about returning them. I said I'd probably want to keep them. Earlier this spring, I wore one of the jackets in public. I picked the one that looked least like a Members Only:

Nonetheless, my partner laughed in my face as she looked at me with the jacket on as we prepared to leave. In the car, I told her that the jacket made me feel like Speed Racer. A few days later, I wore another of the jackets. When I came home, I was asked if I had actually worn the jacket to work. I had. My boss said upon seeing one of them, that he thought I was more conservative than that. Me? Conservative? No way. I can remember going out to eat at Friday's some time ago and getting several "looks" upon finding my seat. To tell you the truth, I kinda enjoyed the attention.

Last month, Justin Timberlake wore one of the jackets in a scene from the Mike Myers movie "The Love Guru".

I pointed this out to my partner and she said, "Oh, God". This is the jacket that my beloved finds the least offensive:

Triple Play Part II

Sunday morning, me and Shanon were ready to go back to the movie show. I wasn't too crazy about seeing it, but Shanon was pretty gungho, so I compromised and agreed to accompany him to an 11:30am screening of Will Smith's "Hancock". To tell you the truth, the movie was almost worth seeing just due to what I was gonna say to the cashier when requesting a ticket. Any ideas?

Shanon got his ticket and it was then that I strolled up to the young female cashier and said, "I'll take one to Hiscock". Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Shanon shaking his head a bit. The lady didn't have much of a reaction. She basically pretended she hadn't heard it. I can't resist, though. I love playing with words.

There were hardly any cars in the parking lot, so I knew that me and Shanon would most likely have a nice, quiet moviegoing experience. We got a seat in about the 3rd row, dead center and it turned out we were the only ones in the viewing room. I like. We were free to talk as much as we wanted during the previews as well as the movie. We could just act like we were hanging out in our living room.

I wasn't expecting much from any of the movies I saw this past weekend which is good since it ensured I wouldn't end up being too disappointed. In "Hancock", Will Smith is a superhero who is a chronic drunk and quite lonely. He gets help with these issues from a PR man played by Jason Bateman. I've been a fan of Bateman's since the early 80's when he played Ricky Schroeder's best friend, Derek, in Silver Spoons (my mother bought me the first season of the TV show last year). Here is a pic of him from that early 80's timeframe (he's pictured with his older sister, Justine, from Family Ties):

"Hancock" turned out to be better than I was expecting. It took a very unexpected twist 2/3rds of the way in, a direction that hadn't been indicated at all in the trailers. It's always a pleasant surprise when a movie goes further than you thought it would. I give the movie a B+. I don't plan to revisit it anytime soon, but it was worth the $6 I paid to see it.

After "Hancock", me and Shanon went to separate films. He was dying to see "Hellboy 2" while I wanted to catch Steve Carell's "Get Smart" before it left theatres. Shanon went to get his ticket for "Hellboy" while I stayed and watched the rest of the credits for "Hancock". He is such a good boy, going back up to the theatre's entrance and paying another 6 bucks to see another movie. I, on the other hand, after a pit stop in the bathroom, went straight into the theatre showing "Get Smart" (it was right next to where I had just seen the previous movie).

Color me crazy, but I didn't feel guilty. Shanon told me later that he had looked for me at the box office counter. He figured I would be a good boy and buy a tick as well. I told him what I had done and he said that I needed to pray about it and ask the Lord to forgive me. I said I would take it under consideration.

I sat near the front of the theatre for "Get Smart" so as not to be distracted by the several dozen other people in attendance. I wasn't greatly looking to seeing "Get Smart". Though I love Steve Carell in "The Office" and "40-Year Old Virgin", I was quite disappointed in his movie from last summer, "Evan Almighty". Hardly any laughs and way too much reliance on CG, it was one of the worst movies I went to in '07.

But this one was getting some good reviews, so I figured I'd give it a try and I'm glad I did as it was my favorite of the 3 movies I went to over the weekend. You don't have to know or care about the Get Smart TV series of the 60's to get a lot out of the movie. Steve Carell's deadpan style is perfect for the character of Max-i Pad Smart and Anne Hathaway is a beautiful foil for him.

Here's a couple choice lines from the film:

Agent 99 (Anne Hathaway): Are you staring at my butt?

Maxwell Smart (Steve Carell): No, no, I...I was, but I'm not...I'm staring again.

Agent 99: Did you see anything while I was dancing?

Maxwell Smart: Just once, but I don't think you expected him to lift you that high.

I give it an A- overall.

And thus ended my moviegoing weekend.

Triple Play

I took the opportunity this past weekend to go to a number of summer movies. On Saturday evening, me and Shanon headed to Rochester's newest theatre to catch a 3D screening of "Journey to the Center of the Earth".

Neither I nor Shanon had ever been to a 3D movie before, so were greatly looking forward to it. I'd heard the film didn't have the greatest story and was a bit of a kids' movie, but that wasn't gonna dissuade me from going. We went to the 10pm show so as to minimize the number of children we'd have to watch the movie with.

Shanon went up first to order his ticket and the box office attendant told him it was $10 to see a 3D movie, not 8. Shanon looked back at me and I said that was fine. Whenever I go to get my ticket, I always try to give the title of the movie I'm seeing a weird twist to try to get a reaction out of the cashier. Back in '98, I asked the lady for a ticket to see "Saving Ryan's Privates". When going to "Iron Man" earlier this summer, I told the lady I wanted to see "Steel Man". She laughed at this. For "Indiana Jones 4", I asked for a ticket to see "Illinois Jones". For "The Happening", I said "1 to What's Happening". For the "Spiderwick Chronicles", I said I wanted to see "Spiderman". For "The Bank Job", I shoulda said "The Blow Job", but I didn't come up with it fast enough.

Anyway, for "Journey to the Center of the Earth", I said, "I'll take one to Let's Go See the Earth". A bit weak, I know, but the one I did the following day was killa. After we got our tickets, we strolled over to the ticket-taker lady who ripped our tix and gave us the 3D glasses. They weren't red and blue and made out of paper like the ones they made back in the old days. They were pretty sturdy with black frames and when I looked at myself in the mirror wearing them, I could just barely make my eyes out (the area around my eyes appeared silvery). For a joke, I wanted to wear the glasses around the lobby and game area, but this one 20-something dude beat me to it.

We entered the theatre and rather than sitting close like we usually do, headed for the back since 3D would probably look a bit better if we were some distance from the screen. I don't know why, but Shanon put his glasses on before the previews even started. He was rarin' to go. There ended up being about 40 other people in the screening room, a few kids, but mostly people in their 20's and 30's who most likely wouldn't be seeing the movie were it not being shown in three dimensions. I felt sorry for the other two theatres in town which are not equipped for 3D nor are they even digital (talk about Stone age). It blows my mind that theatres that were state of the art 5 years ago are like shit now in comparison.

The previews started and even though they weren't in 3D, Shanon kept his glasses on. 10 minutes later, a sign flashed across the screen that said, Please put on your 3D glasses now. A preview was then shown for an animated 3D movie that was coming later this year. The 3D was quite sweet, I have to say, but I was looking forward to seeing live-action footage in three dimensions, not so much cartoons. I noticed Shanon raising his hand towards the screen numerous times over the next half hour. Guess he wanted to see if the images were as close as they appeared.

Brendan Fraser of "The Mummy" is the main star of the movie which basically consists of him, his nephew and a lady-guide traveling towards...wait for it...yes, the center of the earth. There were a number of good sequences in it, parts that actually made me flinch, like the bit where a prehistoric creature spits at the screen and it came awfully close to my face (for a minute, I thought I was in a porno). I could tell by various reactions I heard throughout the movie that the crowd was enjoying it.

There were a number of parts that really strained credibility, however. Like the scene where the three main characters are on a raft in an ocean in the center of the earth and the kid is actually able to converse with his mother via cell phone.

How the hell he had any bars hundreds of miles underground beats the shit outta me. Overall, I give it a B in 3D, but if I woulda saw it in 2D, I woulda been bored outta my gord. The 3D made the movie worth it, just barely. I'll give a rundown on the other two movies I saw this past weekend in the next couple days.

Barack the Boat

The New Yorker has quite a provocative image on its cover this month:

OK, let's see here: Obama in the Oval Office, good. Dressed in traditional Muslim attire, interesting. His wife with an Afro and a machine gun slung over her back, hmm. An American flag burning in the fireplace and a picture of Osama bin Laden hanging on the wall...oh I get it, Obama, Osama! For info on what the reaction has been, go here.

I think it's great satire, but actually know someone who doesn't believe Obama is a Christian and thinks his election will lead to much turmoil, yeah right, like things are so peachy right now. I don't use this word very often, but Yeesh!

Are You Scared?

In 2003 and 4, one of my favorite shows to watch was a hidden camera one called "Scare Tactics". It placed ordinary people in extraordinary situations. I loved watching each "victim" gradually be overcome by fear and then relieved when it was revealed that what they had just experienced was merely a prank.

The last new ep of "Tactics" aired at the end of '4 and I figured that was it, since it didn't return in '5. Imagine my joy a few months ago when I heard that new eps were in production. I finally got to check them out, the first new ones in more than 3 years, the night before last and was not disappointed. Here is one of my favorites:

Break-Away Part II

It was February of 1994. I was about to head up north to Break-Away, a weekend Christian retreat. On Friday afternoon, one of my roommates and a friend were watching TV in my room. They asked if I was sure I wanted to go to this thing. I said I wasn't super hot on it, but was gonna give it a try. Shortly thereafter, I was picked up by 3 guys I knew from IV, Troy (who would be driving), Mike, and a Korean born fellow whose name escapes me at the moment.

It was about a 4-hour trip to get there. I don't recall much of what was discussed on the way up there, I just knew that I was looking forward to getting away. We stopped at a convenience store to pick up a few snacks before arriving at Cragun's resort. The resort was quite beautiful and rustic (located right next to a now-frozen lake). This is what it looks like during the summertime:

Troy parked the car and we headed in to register. The lobby was quite cozy with a fireplace nearby. There was a lot of love there, many happy people hugging and conversing.

Once registered, we looked for some of our compatriots from Winona. We found a number of them watching an informal basketball game in the resort's gym. Jon Carson was among them. We checked our rooms out next. 4 people were assigned to each room and there were 2 beds. Hmm...

Me and the Korean bloke (and 2 others not from the Winona area) were supposed to be in one room, but Jon thought that since the Korean dude was so new to the Christian faith, he should stay with some of the folks he knew from Winona. The Korean guy, like me, wasn't totally on board with being a true-blue Christian. I guess you could say we were doubting Thomases. Jon said he would sleep on the floor so as to avoid temptation. Alright, I would have a queen size bed to myself. Nice.

Before long, it was time to head to our first Break Away session. Oh, how I wished that I could spend the weekend just relaxing and socializing, but it was expected that we attend all the meetings. Jon headed to his while I headed to mine. For some reason, I was a tad late and when I got to the meeting room, the lecture had already started and there were no seats left. Thank you, God. I can go back to my room and just chill! Then I thought of Jon and realized I should be a good boy. Nothin' like fear to keep one in line, eh?

So I sat in the back of the room on the floor. There was one other person I recognized, a girl named Alyssa who went both to IV and Christians in Action. I was somewhat surprised that such a hard-core girl (whenever she saw a poster for a GLAAD meeting, she would remove it from the wall and dispose of it) was in, basically, a beginner's class. Interesting.

After a half hour or so, there was a break and I was delighted to see a couple open seats. I sat down next to Alyssa and we struck up a beautiful friendship that weekend. She was fairly tall and slender with glasses and a laid-back disposition I grew to love. I made many little jokes with her over the next couple days and was always pleased when she would giggle at something I said. Keep in mind, I'd not yet had a girlfriend yet. The lecturer talked some more about why Jesus is the "real thing" and gave various reasons this was so. I wasn't totally buying it, but was more than willing to listen. Class ended and we all headed back to our rooms.

I met my 2 other roommates. They were nice guys who would have conversations that were quite intereting to listen to. Here's what I can remember of one of them:

Chris: I love listening to country music. My favorite song is the new one by John Michael Montgomery. It's called "I Swear".

Joe: Yeah, well, I just listen to Christian music.

Despite their differences, they managed to sleep together quite well. Too well, in fact. It usually takes me a while to get to sleep and before I knew it, I was hearing loud snoring coming from the next bed. I tried to cover my ears with pillows, tried to block it out, but it wasn't working. I wondered if the main desk might have cotton balls or somethin' like that. I could use all the help I could get. So I put my clothes on and headed for the lobby.

Make Love, Not War

Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat) is currently filming a movie based on another of his characters, Bruno.

There was quite the happening in Texarkana, Arkansas last month when a crowd of 1,600 showed up to an event that was advertised as "Red, White, and Blood, $5 cage fights with $1 beer. Real fighters, Real Girls." In sum, people there were expecting cage fights, but were quite PO'd when some of the fights took a homosexual turn. A first-hand account of what occured can be found here. What's interesting is many people's thinking in regards to naked men in close contact. This post explains what I'm getting at:

"With "Bruno", Cohen forces his audience to look not at world issues and their place in them, but rather to examine a purely domestic one: homosexuality. The clever irony being prodded and poked at in this situation is the razor thin line between accepted male-on-male activity and the taboo one. Part of the joke is that the accepted male-on-male activity (where both men are mostly naked, sweaty, grabbing each other, rolling around changing positions) is only when the intent of violence and damaging and hurting the other man is the goal, whereas the taboo form of male-on-male activity (where both men are mostly naked, sweaty, grabbing each other, rolling around changing positions) is where the intent of satisfaction and pleasure is the goal."

In other words, if guys are physically hurting each other, it's fine to watch, but if they mean to love each other, you mus'nt.

Treadmill Blues

I'm continuing to work on getting my cholesterol numbers down. One of the major ways I'm doing this is through a machine I have in my home. It's called a treadmill and it allows one to walk, but you basically stay in the same spot. It's like running in place, only walking. The doc said I needed to work my heart out more, to walk faster, to walk up hills, so on most days, I have the treadmill set at a not-inconsiderable incline. I try to get at least 40 minutes in every couple days.

One nice feature of the treadmill I have is that there's a small fan you can turn on which will cool your face a tad. It helps if I drink a decent amount of water while riding. I hear that makes you sweat a bit less. The first 20 minutes of my workout tend to be more difficult than the latter 20. I sweat quite profusely during the first half, so much so that I have to keep a shirt or towel or cat nearby to wipe it off. For some reason, during the second half, I produce much less sweat. It's as if my body is saying, "That's all I got for ya. You're on your own now".

I pretty much have to watch TV while working out. Otherwise, it would be quite boring. Because of the noise from the treadmill, I inevitably need to watch something in which I don't need to hear every word coming from the screen. Game shows are good for this, music videos, Countdown with Keith Olbermann.

(One interesting note: I've not watched Countdown in more than a week and have found I've been less stressed. Wonder if there's a connection...)

I've got one more month to go before I get my blood drawn again. On some days, I'm still probably ingesting more saturated fat than I should, but I did quite good yesterday and plan to do the same today.

Break-Away

Midway through my time at Winona State, I was looking for college groups to join, but wasn't interested in ones that were geared to my major (the Marketing Club, the IT group, etc.) I'd heard that InterVarsity Christian Fellowship did a lot of fun activities. I was like, "The Christian group does "fun" things? You're kiddin' me?" I figured I'd give it a try, though, and see what they had to offer. They met once a week in the early evening in a classroom at Minne Hall. I walked in the door and a young lady gave me a couple handouts. As was usually the case during my college years, I sat near the back of the room.

The meeting started and the bloke in charge, a guy named John Carson, told those of us assembled the upcoming activities. Dang, they did a lot of stuff: going out to eat, bowling, sledding, I'm talking cool socializing things that a guy just getting over depression needed. Keep in mind, I wasn't really a Christian, not in the fundamental sense, anyway. But I appreciated many of the Christed One's precepts. The kids there were very friendly and not at all "preachy". I went to many of their meetings and don't recall a lot of discussion of Bible verses and things like that. It was almost like a summer camp meeting. The most memorable part of the meeting was usually the end when this lady named Kristen, brought her guitar up to the front of the room and sang the following verses from the Bible:

Peace I leave with you
My peace I give to you
I do not give as the world gives
Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid.

As the meeting ended, every one of us had beatific smiles on our faces. It was quite an uplifting group, I have to say. Earlier that year, I had gone to another Christian college organization called Christians in Action (CIA), but had found them to be a bit too somber. It seemed they spent half their meetings in prayer. They seemed to be more reflective, not quite as outwardly joyful as those in InterVarsity.

I spent several afternoons with members of InterVarsity as they designed posters with info about upcoming meetings. It felt a bit weird when people would walk by, probably thinking I was a Christian, a Bible-banger. But I supposed there were worse things. One evening, the lot of us got together in a house and socialized. There wasn't any boozing, but shit, who wants to ingest substances that deaden the brain? No hanky-panky, either, but I was inexperienced at such things, anyway. I think we played Twister, though.

I kid. Another afternoon we went sledding and I remember finding a 20 dollar bill underneath the snow. When no one was looking, I picked it up and put it in my pocket. Thank you, Lord. In some ways, the disposition expressed by the members of InterVarsity are reminiscent of what I experienced in Chicago last month (as detailed in my other weblog).

As winter came, I continued to enjoy spending time with them. John told me one evening I might get a lot out of a retreat coming up called Break-Away. It was taking place way up north. I told him I didn't really have the funds. He said to see what I could put together and that he might consider me for a scholarship trip. It would be cool to get away, but then again, I wasn't up to attending "Christian" lectures all day, either. My mom said she could put some moolah towards it. A few days before it was to start, John said I had been approved to go. There were several different classes I could attend. The one that resonated most strongly with me was something like, "Why be a Christian? Why Believe? What proof is there?" Would it turn me into a true believer? Time would tell.

Action

I like summer action movies as much as the next guy, but a certain fatigue is starting to set in. "Iron Man" is an excellent movie and deserves to be one of the biggest moneymakers of the year. While many found "The Incredible Hulk" to be solid (pun intended), I was underwhelmed by its climax. Jeffrey Wells over at HollywoodElsewhere expresses quite succinctly what I'm feeling:

"The problem is this: I'm sick to death of watching stuff getting wrecked and smashed and shattered and blown into a million pieces.

I hate the rigid big-studio FX formula that insists upon confrontation and chaos and ruination happening ever 20 or 30 minutes, like some stupid whammy chart. Windows exploded, buildings decimated, cars doing aerial triple-flips, fire hydrants spewing tons of city water, industrial clutter everywhere....what the fuck is this? It's the same shit in every movie, and it vacuums your soul.

What kind of cretin do you have to be to find this stuff interesting after it's been repeated 25 or 30 times? How many times can the dumbest moviegoer out there go "whoa!" after seeing a super-hero wallop a slime-covered monster and send it flying several hundred yards into a building or a wall of glass or a concrete bunker, or vice versa? How many times can the hero take a severe beating to the extent that it looks like he's finished? How many times can a slithering disgusting alien creature try to eat or invade or flatten the heroes? How many times can a moron with a extra-large tub of popcorn in his lap be impressed with loud aural thumpings on the soundtrack?

Guillermo does everything he can to add feeling and humor and humanity to Hellboy II, and he succeeds nicely from time to time, but he's working within a genre that insists upon showing the same shit over and over, no matter what and no end in sight. I really can't stand watching shit being blown up any more. How can people can sit through the same demolition derby in film after film, over and over, year after year? It's insane."

2001 Part III

I first became familiar with the works of J.R.R. Tolkien as a child when I saw an animated version of "The Hobbit" on TV. I loved the idea of a mythical world, a world in which an unassuming man could go on a great quest that would take him to the ends of the earth. The things he encountered would try his soul, but in the end, he would be a hero to all.

I was enthralled from the start as Gandalf came to visit Bilbo, the dwarves were introduced, Bilbo got lost in the cave and shared riddles with Gollum, Bilbo and his padres almost became troll soup, and the stirring conclusion in Smaug the dragon's cave.

As a youngster, my mom bought me a 4-book Tolkien set which included "The Hobbit" and the 3 Lord of the Rings books. I read some of the Hobbit, but never got around to the Rings (it was a bit over my head). I read a Rings knockoff called "The Elfstones of Shannara" by a guy named Terry Brooks when I was 14 and found it quite captivating, though I didn't purchase any of the sequels.

Though I was not familiar with the particulars of Rings, I was quite excited to hear in the late 90's that three movies were being made (at the same time) based on the novels. Call me lazy, but I much preferred to delve into Middle-Earth on the big screen rather than on the printed page.

As I mentioned earlier this week, "Harry Potter I" was a decent movie, but didn't seem to have a lot of magic to it. It sure wasn't a movie I planned on revisiting with any type of regularity. Some of the early reviews of "Fellowship of the Ring" were saying it was a top-notch movie, perhaps even a candidate to be nominated for Best Pic at the Academy Awards.

I didn't see it the first couple days it was out. I asked my friend if he would like to see it on a Saturday afternoon at the new theater (he hadn't been there yet). He was interested, so I went to pick him up. He was taking quite a while to get ready and it looked for a time like we might not make it to the show. We speeded to the Chateau and got our tickets.

There were quite a number of people waiting to be admitted to the screening room where "Fellowship" was to be shown. In fact, the people waiting made a kinda-circle around the interior of the theatre. My friend noted that this was quite appropriate since we were about to see a movie about the "one ring". He also was quite pleased with the design of the theatre (it had a castle theme with an 8-foot dragon on display and the ceiling painted with stars).

We ended up having to sit fairly close, but thankfully, it didn't negatively affect our viewing of the film. My friend noted the great comfort of the seats and their rocking ability. I was aware that the film took place several decades after "The Hobbit". I was enraptured from the start, especially at the sight of Hobbiton near the beginning of the movie.

I loved seeing Elijah Wood as Frodo reading a book and smoking a pipe while he laid against a tree. I chuckled as references were made by Bilbo and Gandalf to the experiences they had in "The Hobbit". I especially loved the mystical aspects of the film such as when the group went to Rivendell where the immortal elves lived.

I also enjoyed the fact that the movie was 3 hours, giving me plenty of time to soak up Middle-Earth. As the credits rolled and an Enya song played, I knew that I had seen something special. Perhaps it would end up being this generation's "Star Wars".

I knew it wasn't going to have a super satisfactory ending since it was the first of a trilogy, but thankfully instead of having to wait 3 years like most sequels, the wait would be a mere year. Course if I wanted to, I could just read the books and find out what happened, but I preferred to experience parts 2 and 3 at 24 frames per second.

I went to "Fellowship" 2 more times over the next couple months and bought the soundtrack a few months after that. On evening walks when passing houses that had lighting that automatically turned on, I would sometimes raise my arm just before it turned on and imagine that I was Gandalf lighting the way.

Though "Fellowship" didn't blow me away like "Titanic" in '97 or "American Beauty" in '99, it was a very rousing way to bring in the 21st century. Perhaps "The Two Towers" or "The Return of the King" would give me that high once again.

Bloody Cholesterol

I had a blood test done at Mayo in early May and it turns out I have an even higher rate of cholesterol than I did 6 months prior (my total cholesterol is now at 245!) Geez, and I thought I was doing so good! I went back there for a Cardio consult in the middle of May and the doctor said I should try a little harder on my own to reduce this number. How? By fairly significantly reducing my saturated fat intake (not so much my fat intake since I'm at a healthy weight), working out my heart more intensely (I do walk, but rarely break a sweat when doing so), and doing some strength training. Though I was eating better over the last 6 months, I was still having Reese's peanut butter cups most evenings and sometimes going to Friday's twice a week.

I'm paying extra-close attention to what I put in my body now and also working out regularly on the treadmill with a big-time incline as well as walking faster (3.5mph as opposed to 3.2). It feels pretty good. The doctor woke me up a bit when he said I'm not as healthy as I think I am. If I'm unable to reduce my cholesterol by a decent amount by early August, the doctor is gonna send me to a fat camp for high-cholesterol people. Just kiddin, in that case, he would put me on an anti-chol drug. And the beat goes on...

2001 Part II

I've always been fascinated by the story of Atlantis, so it didn't take much for a friend to convince me to see Disney's "Atlantis: The Lost Empire" one summer afternoon. I enjoyed the first half, but found the latter half less agreeable. Twas a kid's movie, though, so I hadn't been expecting the world. "America's Sweethearts" starring Julia and Billy Crystal, on the other hand, wasn't good on either end.

There's an amusing story regarding the evening I saw Reese Witherspoon in "Legally Blonde". My friend and I decided to go to "The Fast and the Furious", a car racing movie. Once in the theatre, I had second thoughts about seeing the movie. I felt I might enjoy "Blonde" more. My friend said he wanted to sit in the front row so that he could feel like he was "in the movie". I said this was fine, but that I would be near the back. A few minutes later, I hoofed it over to "Blonde". I was shocked to see that the aud consisted almost entirely of women! Imagine.

The movie wasn't awesome, but one could do worst, it being less than 2 months before 9/11 and all. My movie ended before his, so I headed over to "Furious" after "Blonde" ended. I watched the last couple minutes of "Furious", my friend still being up front. The credits started and my friend headed back towards me. He had loved the movie and was really pumped. He said he was gonna speed all the way home and race cars at every stoplight he hit. He asked me what I thought of the show. I said it was pretty good (I didn't quite have the heart to tell him I was in another screening room while he was enjoying such a kick-ass movie. I told him about it at a later date. He had no idea). I finally saw "Furious" at home on VHS a year or two later. It was pretty good, I have to say.

One of my favorite movies of '01 was "The Others" starring Nicole Kidman.

Such a feeling of dread and disturbance permeated every minute of the movie's runtime. It takes place in Britain near the end of WWII. This is one of my all-time favorite scary movies and like "The Sixth Sense" two years earlier, the twist at the end took my breath away. Just writing about it makes me want to watch it again in the very near future.

Another movie I enjoyed to the nth (though many others didn't) was Cruise and Cruz in "Vanilla Sky". I went to it near the end of the year at Rochester's newest theatre, the Chateau. (the first one in town to have stadium seating). Only half of the screens were open. One could see the other side of the complex where 7 more screening rooms were being built. The seats were awesome, not only very comfortable, but also capable of rocking back and forth. The film dealt with vanity, identity, and reality.

It opened with a sequence taking place in Times Square in which Cruise is the only person there (this was not CG. It was actually filmed in the early morning when no one else was present). The ending was a jawdropper that took place at the top of a skyscraper in New York with the New York skyline (including the now-no-longer-standing World Trade Center) in the background. My positive experience at the Chat that evening made me realize I was going to be spending many more hours there soaking up the newest movies in comfort.

Some other films I went to in '01 were "Dr Dolittle 2" starring Eddie (a little too childish for my tastes), "American Pie 2" (I enjoyed this even more than the original), "A Beautiful Mind" starring Russell Crowe (solid), and Tim Burton's remake of "Planet of the Apes" (OK, the ending made absolutely no sense whatsoever). I can remember how palpable the feeling of excitement was in the theatre as I and many others waited for "Jurassic Park 3" to start. It was great to go back to dino island though the film wasn't as good as the first two. "

Ocean's Eleven" was a nice little heist flick. I had a headache throughout "The Mummy Returns". I'm not sure if the movie caused it with its overabundance of action or if I woulda got the headache anyway, but regardless, I was in pain. I thought "Rush Hour 2" was a tad better than the first. I especially enjoyed seeing Chris Tucker in Vegas wearing a cowboy hat and high-rolling it. "Monsters, Inc." was fairly enjoyable, but I found "Shrek" to be even better.

One evening in November, my friend and I were in the Galleria and noticed that there was going to be a midnight screening of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerers' Stone", the first Harry Potter movie. The screening had already sold out, so we went to it a day or two later. It was high-quality, but I had even higher hopes for a movie that was opening a few weeks later, a movie that would end up being my favorite of 2001.

Celebrating My Life

I had a fantastic time in Chicago earlier this month. Rather than posting 20 entries spread out over several weeks, I've created a blog exclusively devoted to it. Check it out here.

Earplug time

What are the worst sounds in the world?

More than a million people have gone here, listened to various sounds, and voted on the worst.

Here are the top 20:

1. Vomiting
2. Microphone feedback
3. Babies crying
4. Scrape or squeak (eg: train wheels)
5. Seesaw squeaking
6. Violin
7. Fart
8. One baby crying
9. Argument on a soap opera
10. Electricity hum
11. Tasmanian devil
12. Cat spitting and howling
13. Coughing
14. Mobile ringtones
15. Creaky door
16. Dogs barking
17. Sniffing
18. Fingernails scraping down a blackboard
19. Polystyrene squeak
20. Dentist's drill

If you want to experience pain, head to www.sound101.org/ and see how much you can take.

2001

My friends (as John McCain would say), it is now 2001. Instead of going chronologically over the movies I saw that year, I'm going to go in the reverse order of box-office gross. In other words, I'm gonna start with the lower grossing movies, gradually moving up to the Big Boys.

"Town & Country" starring Warren Beatty and Garry Shandling was shite. The cheerleading movie "Sugar & Spice" was alright. "Tomcats" was crude, but quite amusing to me. One of my favorite scenes is when some old guy loses one of his testicles and it's rolling all over the cafeteria. "Freddy Got Fingered" starring Tom Green was one of the crudest movies ever, but I got a few laughs out of it. "O" was a pretty good update of a Shakespeare tale. "Joy Ride" was a very suspenseful thriller. DeNiro's "15 Minutes" was a bit overcooked.

"Memento" was awesome. Not easy to follow, but very rewarding if you can. Jim Carrey in "The Majestic" was another of my favorites though tis a bit long and drawn out. "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" was another crude one, but it was good to see Mark Hamill in a cameo. "Amelie" (a French film) was another of my faves. I was the only one in the entire theatre and quite enjoyed the screening. Very sweet movie. "See Spot Run", a kiddie film, was total crap (me calling it crap actually gives it too much credit). "In The Bedroom" was a fantastic drama about the aftermath of an untimely death. Very raw and moving.

Me and a friend were quite freaked out by the first half of "Jeepers Creepers". You see, it was our first exposure to Justin Long. "Evolution" sucked, though I still believe in it in theory. Ben Stiller was fair in "Zoolander" (one of the first movies I went to after 9/11). "K-Pax" was a nice little alien tale starring Kevin Spacey and Jeff Bridges. "The Royal Tenenbaums" was a bit smug to my eyes. Michael Douglas in "Don't Say a Word" was meh. "Moulin Rouge" was an eye orgasm (especially its first 15 minutes). Rob Schneider's "The Animal" was blah (though it was cool to see Survivor's Colleen as the love interest). Travolta in "Swordfish" was a guilty pleasure. "Shallow Hal" was decent. "Scary Movie 2" wasn't as good as the first, but did have a few laughs. "Bridget Jones's Diary" was a flick chick, but pleasant enough. Spielberg's "A.I." was haunting, especially the scenes of New York City underwater.

18 and Life

In the summer of '89, I had just graduated from high school and was now an adult. My stepdad was so fuckin' eager to get me out of the house that (after my mom found an apartment for me), he actually paid for all my living expenses there. It wasn't an easy thing getting adjusted to living on my own. I wasn't very social in high school, so didn't really have any friends to lean on. All I really had was my dad and siblings, my mom and stepdad, and my grandma.

I lived in an efficiency apartment that faced Winona's mighty bluffs and Lake Winona. I was in apartment number 9 (the same number of one of my favorite football players from the early 80's, Minnesota Vikings quarterback Tommy Kramer). My bed was a foldout, but I never did (I always just took the cushions off of it in the evening and slept on the couch half of it).

My typical daily routine that summer was to get up around 9am, watch a couple shows on telly (like "Archie Bunker's Place"), take a shower, and then head out to look for a job. I wasn't looking too hard for some reason. *shrugs shoulders* I did go to a lot of movies that summer, including the first R-rated movies I ever went to by myself ("Pet Semetary" and Stallone's "Lock-Up).

My mom expressed to me later that summer that it wasn't her intention for me to move out so abruptly and that she was a tad PO'd that her husband (my stepdad) had accelerated it so much (not to worry, she broke up with him a few years later ...hahahahaahahahahahahaha. He and I did make up a few years later).

This lady from Job Services would call me every few days letting me know about new jobs that were available for fresh meat like me. After several refusals, she asked me what kind of job I was looking for. I didn't know...forest ranger, maybe. Something that would give me time to comtemplate the greatest mystery of all....women (I was still a virgin at this time). I applied for a job with the local newspaper (located just a few blocks from my residence). I heard back from them as summer was coming to a close. It was an overnight job in their "distribution" center. It basically consisted of putting flyers into the newspaper, was about 30 hours a week, and paid about 5.75 an hour!!! Nice!!!

Needless to say, I quickly accepted the job, but was a bit sad that my freeloading days were over (I could now relate to people who enjoyed living on welfare, but found that they couldn't do so forever). I worked with some quite interesting people at the Daily News. There were two red-haired college boys that were twins (I called them the Tartleton twins in a reference to "Gone With the Wind", a movie I had seen for the first time a few months prior). There was this scuzzy old dude named Frank, a vertically-challenged guy named Luke, and a long haired guy that most of us suspected was gay (when the Aerosmith hit, "Dude Looks Like a Lady" was on the work radio one evening, Luke looked at me and then looked at him chanting the song's title. I laughed...a little bit).

Handling all those newspapers turned my fingers drier than Hillary Clinton's most boring speech on health insurance. 18 years later, when putting hand lotion on, I still pay special attention to my fingertips. Probably will til the day I die, well, if I die, that is (subtle Jehovah's Witness nod).

It was always something going in there at 7pm on a Friday and knowing I wasn't getting out until 5 or 6 the next morning. But, shit, I didn't have a social life anyway, so it didn't matter. I started my first college classes at Winona State that fall, Psychology and American History (no, it wasn't a full slate. I wanted to ease my way into matriculation). To give you a better idea of my state of mind at that time, my favorite foods were Totino's Pizza, Nutty Bars, and Hi-C Grape.

It was while I was living in this apartment that I was first introduced to a show that many others would not jump the bandwagon onto until many years later, "Seinfeld". I loved how it wasn't a conventional crap-com. I was also a huge fan of David Letterman's NBC show and laughed the hardest during this time of my life when I was watching his show.

I longed for a relationship, but didn't know how to proceed. The following spring, the newspaper job was starting to get to me, so I looked in earnest for another place to bide my time. It wouldn't be long before I found it...and it would be much worse than the newspaper job ever was.

Fall 07

Last night, I soaked in the bathtub while reading the Fall Movie Preview issue of Entertainment Weekly. I perused the movies that are coming out in September and October (I've yet to get to the ones that come out in November and December). Here are the ones that I am most interested in seeing:

3:10 To Yuma - September 7

"Christian Bale is a struggling rancher who agrees to help transfer Russell Crowe, a notorious outlaw, into the hands of authorities."

Into the Wild - September 21

I browsed this Jon Krakauer book one evening at the local Barnes & Noble in the late 90's.

"Based on a true story of one young man's tragic 'return to nature'. After graduating from Emory University in 1992, top student and athlete Christopher McCandless abandoned his possessions, gave his entire $24,000 savings account to charity and hitchhiked to Alaska to live in the wilderness. Along the way, Christopher encounters a series of characters that shape his life."



The Heartbreak Kid - October 5

After years of making PG-13 movies, the Farrelly's and Ben Stiller return to their R-rated ("There's Something About Mary") roots.

"Single and indecisive, Eddie (Ben Stiller) begins dating the incredibly sexy and seemingly fabulous Lila. Upon the urging of his father and best friend, Eddie proposes to her after only a week, fearing this may be his last chance at love, marriage, and happiness. However, while on their honeymoon in sunny Mexico, Lila reveals her true beyond-awful nature and Eddie meets Miranda, the woman he realizes to be his actual soul mate. Eddie must keep his new, increasingly horrid wife at bay as he attempts to woo the girl of his dreams."

Elizabeth: The Golden Age - October 12

I saw Cate Blanchett in the original "Elizabeth" way back in 1998.

"Reprising the roles they originated in seven-time Academy Award-nominated "Elizabeth," Cate Blanchett and Geoffrey Rush return for a gripping historical thriller laced with treachery and romance. Joining them in the epic is Clive Owen as Sir Walter Raleigh, a dashing seafarer and newfound temptation for Elizabeth."

The Storm

This past weekend, southeastern Minnesota (my home base) got a lot of rain. It rained all day Saturday and I mean that literally...all day. But after sweating through multiple 85-degree-plus days over the past few weeks (my car doesn't have A/C), the rain of Sat and Sun was just what I needed. Call me crazy, but I look forward to the leaves turning and summer turning into fall. Summer's nice, but enough's enough. I even have a fall pic as my current screen saver.

The only issue I had with the wetness of Saturday is that I wasn't able to take pup out for a good walk, but we were able to make up for it yesterday. We went to a nearby park and saw quite a few branches that had fallen to the ground. There was also a small lake where there hadn't been one the day before. Zoe went right into it and drank from it as well.

On Saturday evening, I went with a friend to Famous Dave's. That stuff really hit the spot while the weather perfectly suited my mellow mood. It could be overcast for the next week and I wouldn't complain one bit.

Girl Videotapes 300-Page iPhone Bill

"If you're not familiar with AT&T's billing practices, you might be a bit shocked to receive your first iPhone bill. Justine Ezarik was less-than amused when her 300-page bill was delivered in a box.

AT&T makes sure to take note of every single text message, every data transaction, and every phone call and print each on a separate line. That means that every time you hit that Safari web browser button, you're adding a line to your bill. Every time you receive or send a TXT message, you're adding a line to your bill. It may not sound like much, but for those of us who live and die by our phone, it adds up quickly. A 300-page bill is certainly uncommon, but 50-100 pages is fairly normal for heavy texters and mobile web users. Those of you with an AT&T account -- especially iPhone users -- may want to consider signing up for electronic billing to save a tree or two."

Survey Says

In the fall of '04, to pick up some extra money, I worked for a tele-survey company. It consisted mainly of weekday evening hours (5 to 9pm). There would typically be about 12 or so of us working on any given night. Now, I wasn't a telemarketer. I was just calling people to ask them questions, to complete a survey. We did many different types of surveys. One had to do with Hormel's baked beans, another with farming, still another for the local newspaper.

It was always a struggle to get people to take the time to answer my questions. I would dial number after number and get no answer, voice mail, or a child answering that no one was home. I was a super-quick dialer, though, from my previous experience working in the telephone office at a medical facility. I was so fast, in fact, that my supervisor questioned me about it, saying that the number of numbers that I dialed was more than twice anyone else. I guess I was just too productive, like a high school student who messes up the curve on a test for everyone else who didn't do as well.

It was real fun calling people in southern states, accents as thick as molasses. And you wouldn't believe the excuses I would hear from people who didn't want to take the surveys: "The presidential debate is about to start", "American Idol is on", "My husband just died". Me and this other gal frequently competed on who could get the most completed surveys. It was a real pisser when I would get 2/3rd of the way through a survey and the respondent said they couldn't go any further. But such is life.

One thing I liked was when someone would say to me, "I'm on the "do not call" list". I always responded (with my tongue sticking out): "I'm not a telemarketer". I ended up working there about 5 months. It was decent, but I really needed to get away from the phones as '04 gave way to '05.

Bourne to Rush

I went with my friend, Shanon, to two movies on Saturday. In the afternoon, we went to see Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker in "Rush Hour 3".

I enjoyed the first 2 Rush Hour movies (from '98 and '01), but felt that Chris Tucker's '97 vehicle with Charlie Sheen, "Money Talks", was superior to both of those. I went into RH3 with low expectations, but alas, even my lowly 'spectations weren't fulfilled. I laughed out loud a few times, but that's just not enough, not in a world where there are movies like "Wedding Crashers', "The 40-Year-Old Virgin", and "Borat". The action was alright, but ultimately felt meaningless. I don't have a clue what the plot was about, either (very convoluted). Shanon had a good time with the film. Heck, you might, too, but it was definitely a step down from RH1 and 2. During a couple expository scenes, I was thinking to myself, "Man, this is fucking boring!"

After the movie, we headed over to Friday's to dissect it. No, I just asked him what his favorite part was as we moved on to other more weighty subjects such as his mother's recent cancer diagnosis. We had a good meal and thought about going to another movie film. We had already seen part 3 of RH; why not go to the 3rd Bourne movie? So it was that we went to the early evening show of Matt Damon's "Bourne Ultimatum".

The theatre was full with the audience consisting mostly of adults, hardly any teens (a good thing since older adults are usually more well-behaved during a movie, you know, no messing around with their cell phones, kicking seats, and talking like they're sitting in their own living room). Me and Shanon got there just before the previews started, so had to sit near the front (we usually sit near the front, anywho :P). I was a bit drowsy after having eaten Friday's, so laid on my side (a common practice for me) as the movie started. Shanon did the same a few minutes later.

I found the first "Bourne" movie from the summer of '2 quite solid. I did have some problems with the second movie, most notably all the "cuts" that I was exposed to during the film's action sequences. Here's what one reviewer said:

The director of The Bourne Identity, Doug Liman, was able to present the fight scenes in a clear, no-frills fashion. In The Bourne Supremacy, there are so many cuts and edits that the fights devolve into an incoherent mess. It's better not to try to follow them when they're going on - just wait until they're over to see who's left standing.

Though this 3rd movie has the same director as the 2nd, I noticed that the chase scenes weren't quite as hard to follow (though one hand-to-hand scene was basically indecipherable). On the whole, though, "Bourne 3" is a very well-done action movie that consists almost entirely of chases; just a very solid suspense thriller with Matt Damon's dialogue in the film really kept to a minimum (he lets his fists do most of the talking).

The Love of my Life

Today marks the 2nd anniversary of the passing of my big, beautiful Saint Bernard, Brandy.

The following is what I wrote as a tribute to her the following day (August 11, 2005):

I remember when I brought you home. You were bought from a breeder that lived near Claremont. When I got home, I gave the puppy some food and water. The dog walked around a bit. I noted that she was awfully. I ended up naming her Brandy. Zoe (my other dog) seemed to like her. Mayo, the cat, wasn't as convinced. Brandy grew fast. It was always amusing when the dogs would see someone at the front door and they would both be barking, Zoe with her higher pitched voice and Brandy with her deep one. I took them to the dog park on a few occasions.

In early 2000, Brandy started having seizures, so I got her checked out and was able to keep them mostly in check over the years.

Zoe passed on in December of 2000. She had low blood platelets. She was receiving medication for this, but one weekend, she started moving her head in a weird way. I took her to the vet who gave her a shot. He said that it would take a couple days for it to truly take effect.

Unfortunately, she passed on before this could happen. The disease had apparently gotten into her brain. She passed at 3 and a half years old, much too young. I cried the next morning knowing that I wouldn't be able to spend time with her as before. However, on a couple of occasions, one in particular, I did feel her presence. Lying in bed, I heard the bark of a small dog. It came from near the garage door and sounded just like Zoe. One of the last things I said to Zoe before she passed was that I would see her soon. I continue to look forward to that day.

Life continued with Brandy and Mayo. Brandy didn't seem to notice Zoe's passing too much. If anything, she was more energetic. Perhaps some of Zoe's spirit passed on to Brandy at that time. I spent extra time with Brandy and Mayo appreciating the pets I still had. Brandy developed hip dysplasia, but was able to walk alright for quite some time. As she grew older and became a senior, I helped her up and down the stairs and made sure to bring her inside if the weather was too extreme. I checked on her regularly; made sure she had water and food, etc. She pretty much always let me know if she needed something whether it was help getting up, someone to give her a massage, or just someone to give her attention. For years, I couldn't stand the thought of getting another dog. Losing Zoe just hurt too much.

By the summer of 2004, I was ready. Having a lap dog is fun and it would be great to have someone else around to give Brandy some attention when I was gone. I bought a Pomeranian and named her Zoe as well (I was comfortable with using the name again). In fact, Zoe 2 has many of the same characteristics as the first. They both pee on the floor when excited. They both like sleeping under our bed near the head of it. They both love playing with Trolls. They both love chewing on female's underwear for some reason. And they both like to lick Brandy around the corner of her eyes. I sometimes wonder if the first Zoe has come back in the guise of my young Pomeranian in order to spend some more time with us. Zoe 2 and Brandy spent a full year together. Zoe 1 and Brandy spent a little over two years together. In between, it was us, Brandy, and Mayo. Now, it's me, Zoe 2, and Mayo.

Yesterday, I left work at 7:30am after giving Brandy her medication in the back yard. She had water next to her. I returned home a little after 6pm. She was lying with her back legs up in the air. There were flies all over her. She had passed. I don't believe it was the heat. The heat index wasn't very high yesterday especially when compared to other days we've had this summer. I think it may be that her heart gave out. Saint Bernards are quite susceptible to heart problems. I have to say that I felt a tangible sense of peace in the backyard yesterday afternoon. It was as if her spirit was amidst us saying, "Thank you, kind ones. I am free now".

She was exactly 6 years and 10 months on the day she passed. For a large breed, that translates to being about 55 years old in human years. I believe I did all I could. In fact, the vet tech who did some in-home sitting for us earlier this year said that I really did take the best care of her. I don't believe most other households would have had the time, money, and inclination to do as much as I could for her. It was easy for me, though.

When she was still a puppy, she was jumping around near the front door wanting to go outside. I started to yell at her a little bit, but then looked into her eyes and realized that she was just a puppy wanting to have fun, wanting to live. I made a promise to her then, audibly, that I would take care of her for the rest of my life. So, as the years went by, I always kept a close eye on her to make sure that she wasn't in pain and discomfort. I helped her walk if she needed it, laid next to her, sat in a chair next to her when she was in the wading pool, talked to her, massaged her, reassured her. I saw a beautiful, beautiful soul beneath all that fur in those big blue eyes. And I cherish every day I had with her. It will be hard not having her around, not being able to talk to her, touch her. My eyes are misting as I write this. But I know that she is OK, that she is no longer suffering, that she can walk unencumbered now and is free and I'm sure she is thankful for the life we gave her from the fall of 1998 until the summer of 2005. I wasn't so sure she would last this long due to her being diagnosed with epilepsy at such a young age, but she hung in there and she still had fun. She enjoyed going into the wading pool, laying in there to cool off, licking the snow in the backyard after a big snowfall.

She was so kind and tolerant and beautiful. What a gift to my life she was. I will never forget you, Brandy girl. You have my love forever and I look forward to seeing you again someday. Take care, Brandy Lyn. You will be in my heart always.

Postscript: 4 days after Bran's passing, the following occurred:

I was lying on the bed by myself in a relaxed state and quietly saying things like, "Brandy, are you out there? I miss you. If you're still around, could you please give me a sign?". I swear not 2 seconds later, the doorbell rang! I was like, "That can't be her". It was a friend at the door. I wasn't expecting her since she usually calls first before coming over. But, wow, immediately after I ask for a sign, I hear the doorbell ring. I thought that was quite awesome.

Let's Talk About Sex

I remember the day that my mother invited me (I was about 9), my sister (8), and brother (6) to have a talk. It didn't seem that it was gonna be anything bad. She had the three of us stand next to her (she was sitting in a La-Z-Boy recliner). She then proceeded to tell us about the birds and the bees. It didn't take very long. I basically was like, "Hmm, so that's how it works. Interesting." I wasn't too impressed, though. I immediately headed out of the room to do something, anything else. My brother, Brian, though, had a crapload of questions. He asked my mom to explain it in greater (read: explicit) detail. Curious kid. My mom also said that if we had other questions to refer to this set of books that were on the bookshelf:



As I got older, I did take a look at them. But on that day, I wasn't buying. Yucky!

The End

Entertainment Weekly recently did a piece on movies with awesome endings (for part 2 of it, click here). My favorite movie endings are (in no particular order):

The Sixth Sense
The Others
Lost in Translation
Boogie Nights

as well as the endings of Titanic, American Beauty, and Gladiator.

So what are some of your favorites?

Let's Pretend We're Married

Late last month, I saw Adam Sandler's new movie, "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" (for a plot synopsis, click on the link above).

I never expect too much from a Sandler movie. My favorites of his are "Happy Gilmore" and "Anger Management". I was pleasantly surprised to find a decent amount of laughs in it. Nothing like "40-Year-Old Virgin", but still, not bad.

One of my favorite characters was a Japanese minister played by Rob Schneider (he is basically unrecognizable in the role). The following line of dialogue had me cracking up:

Japanese Priest: Now place the ring on his hand. A ring is like a circle, it goes on forever. It's not like a triangle, triangle have corners. It's like a circle.

At the one hour mark, I was saying to myself, "Damn, this is a fun movie. I love it when my expectations are surpassed. Nice!". But my happiness was short-lived as the laughs came to a screeching halt a few minutes later (a boring courtroom sequence really killed the momentum of the movie).

Overall, I'd give it a B. If you're a Sandler fan, you'll most likely find much to like. If you're not, then you know to stay away.

Revenge of the Nerds

In the spring of '81, when I was still in grade school, I was invited to go to summer school. No, not that kind. It was actually for kids who were "high potential". I wasn't interested, however. What kid wants to go to school during the summer after having already attended classes from September to May? My mom tried to talk me into it, but I wasn't having it. Hmmm. But there was something I had been interested in getting and didn't have the moolah for. It was the 2-record soundtrack to "Star Wars". I told my mom that if she bought this for me, I would go to this hypertential class. She agreed and bought me the album.

The class took place in the Senior High school building and would last 2-3 weeks. As I recall, the class mainly dealt with computers. We were told that computers would be the wave of the future (yeah, right). Four long tables were set up in a square so that all the students could see each other and to make for a less formal learning environment. Kevin, the kid who sat next to me, liked to call me Thomas Magnum since my first name was Thomas and Magnum P.I. was a very popular show at the time. For fun, we were able to play a new computer game. It was called Oregon Trail.



The graphics were entirely green on the computers we used (not unusual for that time). It was quite a fun game, I have to say.

On the last day, parents were invited to come. Both my parents sat in for part of the class. They were quite proud of me (firstborn son makes good). They asked the teacher if they could take me out for breakfast. She said that was fine, so they took me to Mr. Donut for a bite and all was well.

Funny Headlines

Fans Outraged After New Book Ruins Ending of Final Harry Potter Movie

Drunk Ex-Boyfriend Didn't Call To Fight

Eighteen Dead in Damar, Kansas, After Tornado Warning Siren Set To 'Vibrate'

Physical

Newsflash, kids: I'm not getting any younger. I am presently 36.7 years old and that got me thinking: how is my health? I'm at a healthy weight, get plenty of exercise, and eat reasonably well. I don't have much pain in my life (well, not much physical pain, anyway), but am I actually as healthy as I feel? To get the answer to this question, I have set up an appointment to get a physical done in a couple weeks. I've not had one in 7 years (back when I was 29!). I've seen doctors since then, most notably for my kidney stones in the summer of '2, but have not had an actual physical. I am quite curious what my cholesterol count is. Though my weight is good, it is possible my 'lesterol is high due to some of the food I eat on a regular basis (I'm looking at you, Wendy's Old-Fashioned Hamburgers). I also want to be sure that my blood pressure and other such things are in the normal range. I'll let you know the results when I get 'em. The soonest appointment I could get is with a new female doctor and that brings me to my question for the day:

If your significant other is going for a physical, would you prefer that they be seen by a doctor of the same sex or the opposite one? And if there is a prostate and/or gynecological exam involved, does that affect your answer?

+

I pride myself on being able to stay positive (well, most of the time, anyway). How do I do so? Well, one thing that helps are 5 statements I say to myself most every morning when I am in the shower. The first is, "I am a sexy bitch!!!"

jk Here they are:

I am joyful (I see myself as happy and optimistic)
I am loving (I visualize myself embracing a loved one)
I am accepting (Whatever happens, happens. The key is my response to it)
I am blessing (I think of a few people and send good vibes their way)
I am grateful (I think of several folks and mentally thank them for the love and joy they bring to my life)

Nostalgia

Nothing beats music in taking one back to days long gone, the times of our lives. For the past 5 years, I have purchased countless 80's CD's in an effort to relive those days when I was a high school innocent. But as of late, it's nostalgia for the 90's that has got me goin'. You know, the time when Clinton was President, cell phones were nowhere near as ubiquitous as they are now, and "The Simpsons" was still on the air.

The disc that got me going on this kick is called, "90's Rock". It features songs such as "Lovefool" by the Cardigans, "Hey Jealousy" by the Gin Blossoms, "Linger" by the Cranberries, "Right Here Right Now" by Jesus Jones, "Two Princes" by the Spin Doctors, "Breakfast at Tiffany's" by Deep Blue Something, "The Freshman" by Verve Pipe, and "Closing Time" by Semisonic.

I wasn't really much into pop music in the 90's (I was a big country fan), but it is pretty cool to be rediscovering it. My favorite radio station to listen to when I'm working is AOL's 90's Pop.

A couple days ago, I listened to the very first "Now" CD (it came out in '97 or '98). Some of my favorites on it are (laugh if you want) "Mmm Bop" by Hanson, "Barbie Girl" by Aqua, and "If You Could Only See" by Tonic.

Ahh, the 90's were somethin' else, weren't they?

Happy Joe's

My family loved going to Happy Joe's in the early 80's. They were located on the west side of town near the roller rink. Mom would find us seats while Dad went up to the counter and ordered taco pizza along with a pitcher of pop. There were plenty of things to do while waiting for the pizza to be served. For one, you could actually watch the pizza being made if you climbed a few stairs and looked through the glass window. That's where the magic happened. We also liked to play songs on the jukebox. A favorite of ours at the time was Little River Band's "Lonesome Loser". They also had video games to play as well. I remember getting to the 6th screen of Ms. Pac-Man there on one evening. The screen was orange. Holy shit, it was hard. The screen, that is. When the pizza came, everyone would dig in.



That stuff is tasty, especially with taco sauce on it. Whenever another party had a birthday to celebrate, a lady would come out with a horn and ask for everyone's attention. She would sing, "Happy Birthday" to the person (usually a child) and then after the song was over, sirens placed on the ceiling would flash and make noise. If we still had room after the pizza, we would sometimes be able to get an ice cream cone for dessert. They had at least a dozen flavors in which to choose from. Also, sometimes the waitresses would blow up helium balloons at a stand and give them to the younger kids. Sometimes out in the parking lot, one of the kids would let go of their balloon. It was quite a sight to see it fly high above the river town to an unknown destination. The Happy Joe's in Winona closed in the mid-80's. A restaurant called Golden China is there now. Time went by and memories of Joe's faded. There was still a Happy Joe's located in Onalaska, a city near LaCrosse. But not having a car for most of the 90's prevented me from ever going there.

In the early 00's, with my childhood nostalgia running high, I went with a friend to the Onalaska location. It was quite a trip down memory lane, like going back in time. They still did the birthday thing, still had a viewing area where you could make sure that no one spat into your pie, and the food was as good as I remembered it. Over the last half decade, I've gone there at least 3 times a year.

A couple years ago, I went with my friend, Shanon. We were at Goodwill looking around and I saw one of my sister's children. I knew my sister was close, so looked around and found her. She said she was heading to Joe's shortly. I told her we had the same plan. She said my brother, Matthew Patthew, was also gonna be there. I was able to catch up with both siblings that day.

In late '05, me and Shanon met my mom at that same Happy Joe's. She hadn't eaten at a Joe's since we were kids. Who should walk in but my uncle Pete (dad) and his wife. So we all sat down together and were able to shoot the shit. Good times. But that's why they call it Happy Joe's, innit?

In February of '6, I went to Illinois for a funeral. The day I drove back was Super Bowl Sunday. I don't need to tell you that I ate at Joe's that afternoon while looking forward to the big game that night.

I brought my video camera to Joe's one evening with Shanon, his gf, and Art fart. I taped about 8 minutes, including a b-day celebration. Watching the tape, I can now go there without leaving the comfort of my home. Nothing beats the real thing, however. So not too long ago, me and Shanon returned there yet again and had the usual (he drank a suicide, by the way). We topped it off with a couple sundaes and went home happy. There were about 4 pieces of pizza left over. I said he could have all of them. He planned to eat them for lunch the next day, but was afraid his roommates would eat them if he left the slices in the refrigerator. So he decided to leave the stash in his car that night. Man, that kid's got it bad for the good stuff.

Karen Allen (Marion Ravenwood from the first "Raiders") and Steven Spielberg on the set of Indy IV in Hawaii

Don't Fear the Kitty

Cat plays furry grim reaper at nursing home

PROVIDENCE, R.I. - Oscar the cat seems to have an uncanny knack for predicting when nursing home patients are going to die, by curling up next to them during their final hours.

His accuracy, observed in 25 cases, has led the staff to call family members once he has chosen someone. It usually means they have less than four hours to live.

“He doesn’t make too many mistakes. He seems to understand when patients are about to die,” said Dr. David Dosa in an interview. He describes the phenomenon in a poignant essay in Thursday’s issue of the New England Journal of Medicine.

“Many family members take some solace from it. They appreciate the companionship that the cat provides for their dying loved one,” said Dosa, a geriatrician and assistant professor of medicine at Brown University.

The 2-year-old feline was adopted as a kitten and grew up in a third-floor dementia unit at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center. The facility treats people with Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease and other illnesses.

After about six months, the staff noticed Oscar would make his own rounds, just like the doctors and nurses. He’d sniff and observe patients, then sit beside people who would wind up dying in a few hours.

Dosa said Oscar seems to take his work seriously and is generally aloof. “This is not a cat that’s friendly to people,” he said.

Oscar is better at predicting death than the people who work there, said Dr. Joan Teno of Brown University, who treats patients at the nursing home and is an expert on care for the terminally ill.

She was convinced of Oscar’s talent when he made his 13th correct call. While observing one patient, Teno said she noticed the woman wasn’t eating, was breathing with difficulty and that her legs had a bluish tinge, signs that often mean death is near.

Oscar wouldn’t stay inside the room though, so Teno thought his streak was broken. Instead, it turned out the doctor’s prediction was roughly 10 hours too early. Sure enough, during the patient’s final two hours, nurses told Teno that Oscar joined the woman at her bedside.

Doctors say most of the people who get a visit from the sweet-faced, gray-and-white cat are so ill they probably don’t know he’s there, so patients aren’t aware he’s a harbinger of death. Most families are grateful for the advanced warning, although one wanted Oscar out of the room while a family member died. When Oscar is put outside, he paces and meows his displeasure.

No one’s certain if Oscar’s behavior is scientifically significant or points to a cause. Teno wonders if the cat notices telltale scents or reads something into the behavior of the nurses who raised him.

Nicholas Dodman, who directs an animal behavioral clinic at the Tufts University Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine and has read Dosa’s article, said the only way to know is to carefully document how Oscar divides his time between the living and dying.

If Oscar really is a furry grim reaper, it’s also possible his behavior could be driven by self-centered pleasures like a heated blanket placed on a dying person, Dodman said.

Nursing home staffers aren’t concerned with explaining Oscar, so long as he gives families a better chance at saying goodbye to the dying.

Oscar recently received a wall plaque publicly commending his “compassionate hospice care.”