Antidepressants Can Add Years to Your Face

ARLINGTON HEIGHTS, Ill. - Your mother's wrinkles — or lack thereof, may not be the best predictor of how you'll age. In fact, a new study claims just the opposite. The study, involving identical twins, suggests that despite genetic make-up, certain environmental factors can add years to a person's perceived age. Results just published reveal that factors like divorce or the use of antidepressants are the real culprits that can wreak havoc on one's face.

According to Dr. Guyuron, "the presence of stress could be one of the common denominators in those twins who appeared older." Antidepressant use was associated with a significantly older appearance. Researchers said it may be that depression itself increased facial aging, or it’s possible that use of antidepressant drugs relaxed facial muscles in a way that increased the appearance of aging.

(Age 64. Twin on right suffers from depression, and appears older)

In other words, if the misery of your divorce doesn't age you, your attempt to treat it with Prozac might.

Full article

Oscars '9

This evening, I will be live-blogging the 2009 Academy Awards. I've seen all five movies nominated for Best Pic. Here's how I'd rank them:

1. Slumdog Millionaire -fantastic, life-affirming film, great music

2. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - a good tour-de-force, but not one I'd care to revisit

3. The Reader - very provocative opening 75 minutes, deflates a good deal over its last 45

4. Frost/Nixon - though many portions were invented, a pleasingly intense film

5. Milk - a bit by-the-numbers, but really nails the early 70's

I'm glad The Dark Knight wasn't nominated for Best Pic as I didn't believe it was a strong enough movie, but feel that Wall-e (my fave film of '08) should've been.

8:10pm Wow, only one commercial break in the first 40 minutes. I love the way they've made the Kodak Theatre super-intimate. Jackman's opening song and dance was fantastic.

9:21pm Nice to see "Man on Wire" win Best Doc. I Netflixed it a few months ago.

9:37pm Will Smith presents 4 separate awards (visual effects, sound, sound mixing, editing). Damn.

11:00pm I loved how 5 prior Oscar winners would take the stage and give kudos to each of the '09 nominees. Absolutely fantastic show overall. The producers did an incredible job. Great to see "Slumdog" get Best Pic and Director. Also nice to see Winslet finally win one and Penn get his second.

Chick Flick Cliches

In the late 90's, I went with my significant other to quite a few romantic comedies-women's movies-chick flicks. At that point in time, I didn't have much familiarity with the genre, so what were probably cliches' didn't seem so to me. Some of my favorites were "My Best Friend's Wedding", "Jerry Maguire", "You've Got Mail", and "Runaway Bride". I even enjoyed a few of them in the early '00's: "Erin Brockovich", Legally Blonde", and "Bridget Jones's Diary".

After a while, though, the formulaicness of them caught up with me and now I only go to female-centric films that have something new to offer. I feel the same about Testosterone-Action movies: "Transformers", "Transporter 2", pretty much any film that starts with "Trans".

With that in mind, watch below as three of the players from "He's Just Not That Into You" act out ten Chick Flick Cliches':

Come To Your Senses

While accompanying a friend of mine last Sunday night to a screening of "Friday the 13th" (don't worry, he paid my way since there's no way in hell I'd pay a dime to see such nonsense), I began to think about pleasure, no, not like that, you dirty devils. Well, kinda.

When one goes out on the weekend, it's almost always to have some fun. Going out to eat is a good one, something that pleases the taste buds. Movies are fine though they only really stimulate the eyes and ears (smell a bit if you like popcorn). Some have boos which actually deadens the senses instead of utilizing them. Sex is a popular one, not least because it makes use of all 5 senses (unless you don't like oral). When I went to the retreat in Oregon, the main thing being stimulated was my mind.

One of my favorite sensual activities is getting a massage. The sense of touch isn't one that's typically addressed while one is out in public unless you go to a spa or like disco dancing. I think I'd enjoy going in a sensory deprivation tank one day.

It'd be interesting to see if I could stick with it or if I'd be dying for some kind of stimulus, some kind of distraction that would keep me from truly knowing myself. What about you, my faithful readers? Could you stand to be alone with just your thoughts?

The Reader

There are many things I do that may seem unusual to others, but are perfectly normal to me. Here's one such example: whenever I eat anything at home, whether it be chicken noodle soup (the only soup I eat) for lunch, a french bread pizza and Oreo Cakester for supper, or a couple Nutri-Grain bars in the middle of the night, I HAVE to be reading something while doing so.

I used to be fine ingesting things while watching the telly, but in the end, it just wasn't doing it for me (commercials are too brain-deadening and even the news is just yada-yada-yada). I don't like doing hard reading in these circumstances, however. It almost always is a magazine; one of the three I subscribe to (Time, Newsweek, & Entertainment Weekly). Sometimes I'll be all caught up on the mags and will have to go downstairs to obtain a 7-year old copy of EW (I used to save every ish, but now give them to a friend of mine when I've polished them off).

When I go out to eat by myself (which is rare these days), I also make sure I've something to peruse while dining (usually a newspaper). The only time I'm ever eating without reading something is when I dine out with another. I'm not exactly sure how I got this way. For some reason, I just can't take getting orally satisfied without being mentally stimulated as well.

A Thriller for the Ages

I just finished watching one of the best movies I've ever seen. It's a film I got from Netflix called "Transsiberian". I knew it had to be good, since it received 90% on RottenTomatoes.com (that means 90% of the critics who reviewed it gave it the thumbs-up). If you have Netflix, it's possible to watch it on your computer, but this is the type of movie one should view on their couch or recliner with a blanket covering them on a cold night.

The less you know about the film, the better. All I knew is that it involved an American couple who were traveling on Russia's Transsiberian railway.

Most mainstream thrillers are crap, formulaic and disappointing. But this one constantly surprised. I found myself much more tense watching it than I typically am when viewing a movie; very effective work by the director. If interested in the film, don't watch the trailer; it reveals way too much.

Wanna Look Like You're In A Cult?

Special Offer For My Closest Friends

As regular readers of this weblog know, my favorite restaurant is Friday's.

I go there about twice a week these days, usually once on Tuesdays since they have a Buy 1 Burger, Get One Free special and then again sometime during the weekend. I'm a member of their GiveMeMoreStripes program in which for every $100 I spend there, I get a coupon for $8 off my next visit (I've gotten at least 8 of these coupons in the last year).

Last week, Friday's sent me a Buy 1 Entree', Get One Free offer. I used it last weekend, but it's actually not a one-time thing. It says "Spread The Joy! Send this coupon to your co-workers, friends, & family. Send it to everyone you know so they can use it over and over again until March 1, 2009!" Full disclosure: the coupon is not valid on Valentine's Day.

So, dear readers, if any of you are interested in obtaining said offer, leave a note in the comments or send me an email and it will be on its way. Maybe I can get a couple of you as hooked on the place as I am.

Watch "Marley & Me" For Free Tonight in the Comfort of Your Own Home!

Last week, I was on a spiritual forum talking to a woman about this and that. Here's an excerpt:

Tom: "I planned to see "Milk" this past weekend, but was feeling much too lazy."

Rachel: "lol! I watch all of the movies "free" online. Sometimes, I'd go to the show, but at *********.com, you can see them all. When it's cold, sometimes a person just wants to chill in the house and look at good movies. When the weather is nicer, I'd go to the show (maybe). A movie can come out on Friday, and by that same night, it's online, in its entirety. Very convenient."

Wow, I thought. My favorite theatre is about a 15-minute drive away, prices range from 6 to 8 dollars, and many times during the winter, my feet get too cold for me to really enjoy the movie. I decided to check out the site. I figured it was probably bootleg videos, you know, the kind where someone took a camcorder into the theatre and videotaped what was on the screen.

Imagine my surprise when I watched my first movie, "The Reader". Starring Kate Winslet and nominated for Best Picture, the movie is still playing in hundreds of theatres across the country (it's yet to come to Rochester). The movie started and I quickly realized it was the actual movie, not a copy or a bootleg. What I was watching was a screener (the Academy of Arts & Sciences sends out screeners to many of its members so they've no excuse not to see the nominees).

I leaned back quite happy to be seeing this much-talked-about film. Once I set it for full-screen, there were no advertisements to take me away from the movie and the movie was presented in its proper widescreen format. After 72 minutes of play, it said I had to wait 54 minutes before finishing the movie unless I wanted to sign up for the Deluxe Package which costs about ten bucks.

I figured I could wait the 54 minutes, just treat the time as an intermission in which I could go to the bathroom, get a snack, maybe take a bath and think about what I'd just watched. An hour later, I went back to my computer and finished the film. The next day, I viewed "Happy-Go-Lucky", another film that hasn't come here, but which I was greatly looking forward to seeing.

It's about a lady who is always happy no matter what is happening in her life. Yesterday, I watched "Doubt", a movie that did come to town, but has since gone. Four of its performances are nominated for Academy Awards. Now, none of these movies are even on home video yet. You can imagine how elated a movie fan like me was to see these films without any of the distractions I would be exposed to at our local theatre.

Other movies presently available are the Best Pic-nominated "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", "Slumdog Millionaire", and "Milk". If you like comedies, there's "Marley & Me",

"Paul Blart: Mall Cop", "Bride Wars", and "Hotel for Dogs". All are currently playing on the big screen. I'm sure you're wondering by now where to go to experience such joys. Well, I'm not gonna give this out to every Joe Schmo on the web. If you'd like the link, leave me a note in the comments or send me an email.

Who Are You?

A couple weeks ago, when I changed my template, I also adjusted my blogger roll a bit. Instead of using a person's first name, I came up with a colorful nickname (the two newest people on my 'roll are exempt).

For example, I named Eric, an accountant, "Numbers". Rachel, who I know virtually nothing about, was given the moniker "Jane Doe". If you're a regular, go find yourself on the left-sidebar and if you have any questions why I gave you the name I did (or want me to change it), leave a note in the comments or send me an email.

My Favorite Super Bowl Commercial

European Super Bowl Commercial

Ice Cream from Hollywood Elsewhere on Vimeo.

Why Be Healthy If Your Spouse Isn't?

This evening, I overheard a conversation in which it was revealed that an obese man had lost several dozen pounds in a bid to be healthier. His wife (a frequent smoker and also obese) has no mind at all to change her ways. This got me to thinking: if the man goes on to be a healthy weight while his significant other remains the same, one could reasonably assume that the man would outlive the woman, perhaps by a half dozen years. This wouldn't be true in every case, but it certainly is a reasonable supposition.

Many couples talk about wanting to die together so that neither has to be alone for an extended period of time. But wouldn't striving to be healthy while your partner falters lead to more heartache down the road for the lower BMI'd person? If you knew that reforming your bad habits would only lead to you being alone longer in your 70's or 80's, would you still do it? Or would you hope that one day your partner catches on and does the same? Or have you the belief that if the other goes first, you'd have no problem obtaining another life partner?

A Thousand Words from Ted Chung on Vimeo.

Ghost Hunting

Don't you hate it when one of your favorite TV shows had its season premiere weeks ago and you missed it? Such was the situation I fell into Wednesday night when I saw on the on-screen menu that "Ghost Hunters International" was gonna be on at 8pm (a quick look at TV.com told me it was "GHI's" third ep of the season). Now, how to catch the two I missed. The second one was going to be shown after the 3rd aired, so I was fine on that front, but to see the first, I would have to go to SciFi.com and watch it on my 'puter.

On Friday night, I did so and the experience was much better than I expected. First of all, the ep was presented in widescreen (my TV is full). Secondly, there were no commercials, so it only took 44 minutes to watch. Next, there were no alerts on the bottom of the screen during the program saying what was coming up next on the channel or that the Loch Ness monster movie was airing the following week (there was a TurboTax icon near the bottom of the screen, but I blocked it with a T-shirt). Being just over a foot from the screen (as opposed to more than six) allowed me to pay much closer attention to what was going on. I also wore headphones which drastically reduced outside distractions.

It was one of the best "Ghost Hunters" episodes I've ever seen. The "International" team usually has better luck finding things (probably because there is so much more history in Europe than in the U.S.)



That's not to say the domestic crew doesn't catch things, but exploring a small house in New England doesn't typically have the potential that investigating a 500-year old fortress (with a dungeon) does. If you care to check out the ep I watched, click here, then on "Ghost Child of Peru".

Incredible

Why I Love Winter

A warm bath feels much better after one has been out in the cold.

The dog doesn't bark as much since there are less people goofing around outside.

I don't have to feel guilty about not playing outside with the dog as it's simply too cold to do so.

I needn't concern myself with doing poop patrol as all my pup's droppings descend into the snow.

I don't need to worry about seeing fat people in tank tops and shorts.

If I gain a few, no sweat. Who's gonna know if I'm wearing five layers?

The nights are much quieter.

There's not as strong an impetus to go out on the weekends.

It's always an adventure going into the driveway when there's just barely enough room for one car to get in. If I misjudge, a 6-foot tall block of snow rubs against the car giving me an idea of what it must've been like on the Titanic.

The Instant the Earth Stood Still

"Not since Klaatu landed in a flying saucer on the Ellipse has Washington been so mesmerized by an object whirring through the sky.

But this one was departing, not arriving.

As W. ceased to be president, he flew off over the Capitol and across the Mall en route to Andrews Air Force Base, and then back to Texas.

I’ve seen many presidents come and go, but I’ve never watched a tableau like the one Tuesday, when four million eyes turned heavenward, following the helicopter’s path out of town. Everyone, it seemed, was waving goodbye, with one or two hands, a wave that moved westward down the Mall toward the Lincoln Memorial, and keeping their eyes fixed unwaveringly on that green bird.

They wanted to make absolutely, positively certain that W. was gone. It was like a physical burden being lifted, like a sigh went up of “Thank God. Has Cheney’s wheelchair left the building, too?”

Maureen Dowd - New York Times

FOX NFL Robot

Hummus

While in Oregon, I went to a dive called the Pita Pit. It was there that I had my first Pita (it's just a sub with a different covering, right?). I ordered the turkey and chuckled as I saw on the menu board that one could get extra hummus for $.75. Why was this so funny to me? Well, I went to Adam Sandler's "You Don't Mess With The Zohan" this past summer and it had at least a half dozen gags which involved hummus. Here's one (check out Sandler's face at :20):

A Telling Dream

I had a dream last night that revealed a great truth about me. I was dining in a two-story restaurant with friends and family. A picture of my sister was on page 2 of the local newspaper which had many excited. I chuckled at a commercial on the TV for Sacha Baron Cohen's new comedy disc (something to do with magnets). At one point before we received our food, I lowered the table we were seated at from the second floor to the first. People started looking at me. I was joking around a bit at our table before feeling the grasp of a woman's hand on my arm. What follows is our conversation:

Woman: "Why are you doing this? People are watching".

Me: "I don't care what people think of me".

Woman: "Well, I do".

Me: "Why?"

After a pause, she strode away.

A Wintry Evening at Wal-Mart

Even though we were getting a decent amount of snow, that didn't stop me and the Mrs. from going out to eat and to the world's most popular store last night. I typically stay home when the weather's bad, but with Obama's inauguration almost upon us, I'm feeling a tad more frisky.

We first headed to my favorite pizza joint in town. Since my wife is trying to lose weight, she didn't order anything at all which is kinda cool since our bill was only half what it typically would be. I don't know about you, but I'm more likely to eat more in the evening if I've had significant bowel movement earlier in the day.

Next, we headed to Sam's Place. I know I probably shouldn't, but you can buy 160 Fiber Capsules there for a paltry $4 (that's translates to about 50 cents per BM). It was cold enough that I wore my black ski mask as we walked from the car to the store.



I like to wear it a little bit farther into the store than I should. Not only do I keep it on when I go through the first entrance (where all the carts are), but also several steps into the second entrance. I noticed a cashier looking at me, probably wondering if I was going to rob the place. Other patrons waiting in line were most likely thinking the same thing. Imagine their disappointment when I took the mask off. I bet some were secretly hoping I was going to pull a job just so they could tell all their friends about it.

With the snowstorm causing havoc outside, the aisles at the store were relatively barren. In fact, I don't recall ever seeing a Wal-Mart so bereft of people, so quiet and I didn't mind it one bit. There was a downside, however: as we checked out, I grabbed an issue of Country Weekly to see what was going on in Country Music these days. I got about three sentences into one article before our stuff started getting rung up. Doncha love it?!

I Spent New Years Eve in the 1920's

December 27, 2008

The night manager of the Columbia had left our room keys in an envelope at the front desk. The hotel was quiet as we entered room number five. As I brought our bags in, my wife looked at me disappointedly and said, "Honey, there's no television". I found this somewhat hard to believe, so took a look myself. She was right, no telly. I said that we probably wouldn't have much time to watch, anyway. She asked if the lounge had a boob tube. I walked out there and again, no luck.

I was a tad bummed because I had been looking forward to seeing the Vikings and Giants play the following afternoon. I figured I'd look around town when I woke up and hopefully there'd be a bar showing the game. The reason why the Columbia doesn't have TV's is because it's meant to be a trip back in time to the 1920's (there are also no phones in the rooms and you have to go down the hall to take a shower). And, of course, the effect wouldn't be complete without a number of doilies. Here's a picture of the room we stayed in:

the infamous clawtub:

and (can you believe it?) a day bed:

It was probably no coincidence I dreamt about my grandmother that night (the smell of the hotel had done the trick). If I had smelled a pack of Bazooka Joe the night before, I'm sure I would've had a dream about my childhood.

The next day, as I passed the front desk to get a bite to eat, I noticed the clerk was working on a laptop. I said to him, "Isn't that cheating?". He said, "What do you mean?" I said, "Well, this is supposed to be like we in the '20's and you're on the information superhighway". He smiled and said, "I've got the best of both worlds".

Excerpted from My Experience in Ashland, Oregon at the End of 08

Why Do You Believe What You Do?

Since returning from a holiday retreat in Oregon, I've been thinking a bit about what I believe and why others believe what they do. I look at my parents who each subscribe to different Christian religions (ones they wouldn't be in were it not for their significant others). You'd think being twenty years older than I, with more real-world experience, they'd be in a more enlightened belief system than the one I subscribe to. But age, apparently, doesn't matter. A 10-year old could believe in something more soul stirring than what your average 75-year old does.

In the 90's, while on a city bus, I overheard an older lady say she does the things she thinks God wants her to in order to avoid going to "the bad place". I shook my head and thought, "What kind of God could ever send a sweet woman like you to hell and more importantly, why do you choose to believe in such a God"?

We are free to believe in whatever God we want or none at all or that all is God. I just don't see how millions (billions?) can choose a belief system that restricts them, that says you must do this, that you must never do this. Some say that if one doesn't believe in God, all morals go out the window. I disagree, as evidenced by the following quote from Michael Shermer:

"If you agree that, in the absence of God, you would commit robbery, rape, and murder, you reveal yourself as an immoral person, and we would be well advised to steer a wide course around you. If, on the other hand, you admit that you would continue to be a good person even when not under divine surveillance, you have fatally undermined your claim that God is necessary for us to be good.”

What really blows my mind are people who have belonged to the same religion all their lives and say it is the best in the world, without ever giving the other ones (or having none at all) an honest try. It's like Americans saying the U.S. is the best country in the world without ever having been overseas.

Passing Gas in the Library

Airport Security

I went on vacation last week which is why I took a break from blogging. Here's the first of several notable things I experienced while out of town:

Upon our arrival at the Minneapolis airport, we checked our baggage and headed through security. Just after I went through the checkpoint, the TSA representative said he'd been afraid my belt was gonna set off the alarm, but it just missed doing so. My wife wasn't so lucky: she was wearing a pair of jeans that had a couple small metal rings on them. The TSA dude padded her down, but since the mechanism was still going off, he asked her if she could take the heavy sweatshirt she was wearing off. My beloved replied, "I'm not wearing anything underneath this". I was sitting down tying my shoes as I observed this and couldn't help chuckling a bit. They ended up letting her through without having to disrobe. A moment later, she cursed under her breath at the perceived offense.

Wine and Spirits

A couple weeks ago, while waiting to pick a friend up, I spent about 20 minutes parked in front of a liquor store. Despite the temperature being 22 degrees (and much colder with the wind chill), quite a few people entered the business to obtain some "spirits". They typically went in with an intent look on their face. As they exited a few minutes later, I noticed they appeared a bit more relaxed. In my mind, they were thinking one of two things: "One less errand to worry about" or "In 60 minutes, I'll be partying like there's no tomorrow".

One conclusion I reached is that those 24-packs look pretty heavy. If I was a regular boozer, I'd get, like, 200 cans so that I wouldn't have to keep going back every week for reinforcements. One of the reasons I don't drink beer is because having to urinate every 45 minutes just doesn't justify the buzz I would get from it. Maybe if I could just get the alcohol without all the barley and shit.

There's a reason why straight alcohol doesn't taste good: because it's not good for you. I'm of the belief that years of alcohol use leads to one gradually becoming, well, less smart. If you go to a bar, what is the average IQ, I wonder.

And if it's low, is it because the people were less smart to begin with or did the use of booze lead to a steady decline in smarts? Perhaps this view is rubbish, but the body sure doesn't seem to like having booze in it: as alcohol acts upon one's brain, the body is furiously working to remove it.

A decade ago, I worked with three developmentally disabled chaps who, when given a can of O'Doul's, started acting drunk within ten minutes of their first sip. This makes me wonder: if you gave people in a bar non-alcoholic drinks that smelled like alcohol, would the power of suggestion make them think they were drinking the real thing?

My Curious Case of Cold Feet

As I'm typing this, my toes are cold. My hands and feet are the first two (four?) body parts of mine to drop in temperature when I get cold. On the coldest evenings, I'll take a couple baths (one after I get home and another a few hours later when the warmth of the first one has dissipated).

Yesterday afternoon, while attending a screening of Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett's "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", both sets of my toes were cold. In order to reduce this, I typically take one of my shoes off and put that foot under my opposite knee. Not only does this warm one of my feet, but for some reason, it also seems to reduce the coldness in my other one.

Shit, now that I've brought up "Button", I might as well say how I felt about it. Since it was directed by David Fincher ("Fight Club", "Zodiac"), I was expecting a masterwork. If you weren't aware, the story revolves around a man who is aging backwards.

It starts out in the present-day with one of the main characters going back and telling what happened way-back-when. I'm sure most are familiar with this structure (it was used in my favorite movie of '94, "Forrest Gump, my fave of '97, "Titanic", and my fave of '98, "Saving Private Ryan"). "Button" took the cake, though, in that it went from present-day to past and back again way too many times (On a couple instances, I actually rolled my eyes at the screen. The screen was like, "Kiss my ass").

At close to three hours, the movie was a real tour de force and had a number of moving moments, but just didn't quite do it for me. I agree with this reviewer who said, "I liked "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," but I wanted to love it." I do recommend it; just make sure to keep your expectations in check.

Later that evening, I watched a movie OnDemand from '06 that actually stars both Pitt and Blanchett as well (my wife said, "Weren't they both in the movie we saw today?"). It's called "Babel" and deals with people who are having problems communicating because of language differences (hence, the title).

It was a bit better than "Button" in my eyes. If you're ambitious, check it out.

Man shot during screening of "Button" due to excessive talking

NOTE: I'm taking a fortnight off to recycle myself. Hope you don't mind. Look through my voluminous archives if you get to missing my one-of-a-kind style (Be warned, however: my earliest writings are quite primitive).

Eating Outside

Though I love eating out, I can't abide eating outside.

There are many reasons for this. First, there's no guarantee that the temperature will be comfortable (it could get too humid or be too breezy). Inside the restaurant, you needn't be concerned about such things. Outside, flies (or worse) can get into your food. This could also happen inside, but the likelihood is much less (though the chances of seeing a cockroach are much greater indoors). Then we have the problem of traffic noise and smokers.

A few months ago, I went to a Friday's in Wisconsin and was quite surprised when the maitre d' said, "Smoking or non?". I was like, "Excuse me, my good man, but I wasn't aware that I had teleported to 1973. Now, please excuse me while I head out to find a young boy named Barack. Legend foretells that one day, he will change the world. Oh, and do you know any places around here that sell frankencense and/or myrrh?"

There's also the problem of sunlight when eating outside. Course, they usually have those umbrellas, but that's sometime not enough and I don't like to have to wear sunglasses while munching on some fingers. In addition, I love sitting in booths which are generally only available within the restaurant's walls.

Quick comment about eating: I only ever put salt on one food item: corn on the cob. In my mind, if you have to put salt on something for it to taste good, why are you bothering eating it?

Newly Erected Barriers Attract Unplanned Attention

WINTERS (CBS13) ― A $2 million investment into a downtown improvement project has yielded an unintentionally distracting image, some residents say. Downtown Winters has new benches and new brick sidewalks, but that's not what people seem to be noticing on the corner of Railroad and Main.

Many residents can't agree on what the newly erected, three-foot-high pedestrian barriers look like.

"They look like fire hydrants that have been painted," said one man. A woman named Katie suggested the thirteen barriers looked like chess pieces. Debra LoGuercio, a columnist for the Winters Express, saw something completely different.

"By God, they're penises," Debra said. "And it's a nice sturdy one at that."



Debra couldn't believe it, and even wrote a column for the Express titled "New Construction Shocks The L Out Of Our Pubic Spaces." "I've heard people leaning out the window, saying, 'Love the penises!" she laughed, "which you don't hear very often."

City officials weren't terribly amused when we brought the subject up to them. The city manager wouldn't go on camera to talk about it, saying it's juvenile. Many residents agree with him -- John Pickerel owns two restaurants on the corner, and he's all for the streetscape improvements.

"Winters is a jewel, and this just polishes the jewel," he said. It's a jewel for families and visitors, but now it has an unplanned attraction."It's all I can see," Debra said. "It's like the creepy kid in the movie: 'I see penises.'"

Video report

Christmas Shopping Anecdotes

I'm in the midst of wrapping presents this afternoon. We got about half a foot of snow this morning as Al Franken moves into the lead in the Minnesota Senate recount. I've some amusing things to share in regards to my Christmas shopping. Yesterday, I bought a Vikings Winter Combo (hat, scarf, gloves, rope) for a friend of mine for $9.99. Per societal expectations, I removed the $9.99 sticker from the packaging before wrapping it. Just then, I noticed a sticker on the back that said the item was originally priced at $25. For some reason, I couldn't resist leaving that sticker on. Isn't that what Christmas is all about, though? Buying $50 worth of presents, but having the recipient believe you spent a hundred?

This same friend is also a huge movie fan (he has more than 500 DVD's). I had to chuckle back in the early 00's; you see, he had amassed hundreds of VHS tapes, but knowing its demise was imminent, spent thousands to upgrade to the magical DigitalVersatileDisc (I hope he doesn't find out about Blu-Ray).

I like to buy him 4 or 5 movies every Christmas, but how am I to know if I'm just getting him something that he already has? Easy, just get him a foreign film. :P But, seriously, I saw a few last night I thought he might like, so called him up. You might say, "But if you ask him if he has a movie, then he's gonna know what you're getting him." Not quite. You see, I ran about 20 movie titles by him, so he has no idea which are legit and which are just red herrings (yes! I've always wanted to use the term "red herrings" in a post).

I somehow found myself at Wal-Mart earlier this week and was quite surprised to see my first psychiatrist shopping there. She makes close to triple digits an hour, but shops at the House of China? Two miles down the road is a SuperTarget where you don't have to worry about seeing anyone wearing a vest (unless you go on Sunday afternoon where you might see a youngster wearing one. Vests look much cuter on the under-10 set. But you know what would be sad: a five year old wearing a Wal-Mart vest. I'm sure it'd be a YouTube sensation, though. Kinda like that O'Reilly kid).

30 Minutes in Hallmark

This evening, I went to the local Hallmark to get Christmas cards for a couple notable loved ones.

Remember in the old days when greeting card stores were quiet, when all you heard was some piped-in easy listening music. Tonight, all I heard were people opening those stupid greeting cards that talk and sing when you open them (someone opened a Simpsons one and chuckled when they heard Marge dispense some motherly wisdom).

I checked both my pockets, but no ear plugs could be found. So I made the best of it and proceeded to find what I needed. When looking for cards for the most important people in my life, I like to look at all the store has to offer. Some may look at only 5 Christmas cards designated "Mother". I looked at dozens to find the perfect one for the one who birthed me. What makes this even more difficult is that she frequently mentions how I always seem to get her the perfect card.

I never buy cards that don't express exactly how I feel about a person. Some cards will say, "I know I don't say I love you as often as I should..." Well, I do, so that type of card is totally inappropriate. What is with you people who don't say "I love you" to those dearest to your heart? If it weren't for your attitude, I wouldn't have to see half the cards I look over give some variation on this. I'm telling you right now, if you don't say I love you to them every day, you're gonna be mighty regretful when they pass. Food for thought as we all look forward to stuffing ourselves next week.

Imagine my disgust, then, when I couldn't find one card that was as good as what I'd given her in previous years. I had to settle on one that was substandard, in my opinion. It only cost 2.99, which posed a bit of a problem. I almost wished that it cost more so that if she happened to look at the back of it, she would, "Ah, yes. He spent 5.99 for this card. He really loves his mama".

Lastly, can someone tell me why 80% of greeting cards have that sparkly shit on it? After perusing several dozen cards, my hands looked like they'd been spread with fairy dust. I coulda passed for Minneapolis bathroom boy Larry Craig.

Europop

2002 Part V

I can still remember going to Pierce Brosnan’s last Bond movie “Die Another Day” during the Christmas season of ’02. It was one of the last movies a friend and I went to before he met the love of his life. I hadn’t seen Brosnan in his 3 prior Bond flicks, so was looking forward to seeing “Die”. It was mostly satisfying.

The movie started with Madonna singing the title song (which had a very electronica vibe). The last half of the movie took place in an area of the Arctic, I believe. Bond’s big contraption in the movie was an “invisible” car. Though completely lacking compared to Daniel Craig’s reboot in ’06, I had a pretty good time with the Secret Agent Man (bonus points for Halle Berry who played the love interest).

“Catch Me If You Can” starring Tom Hanks and Leonardo DiCaprio and directed by Steven Spielberg looked to be a great movie about a guy who impersonated doctors and airline pilots in the 60’s, but I didn’t get around to seeing it until about 7 weeks into its run.

Based on a true story, it was quite captivating with great period detail (trailer).

The musical “Chicago” was the 3rd Richard Gere movie I saw in 2002.

Ridiculous, I know, but all three were very good. Most of his work since then has been blah. “Chicago” was special in that the audience was able to hear the famous Buddhist sing. Queen Latifah also sang one as did John C. Reilley. Renee Zellweger and Catherine Zeta-Jones each sang a number of songs. The film wound up winning Best Picture for the year. I didn’t think it quite deserved it (though the tunes were so good I bought the film’s soundtrack a few days after seeing the film). My favorite song from it might very well be “We Both Reached for the Gun” sung by Gere. (you can view it here).

“Men in Black II” was the first movie I saw at Rochester’s newest theatre, Cinemagic (the theatre is now the worst in town by far). The only good thing about the movie was the talking Pug. He’s a stitch…and such attitude! (trailer)

I had much more fun with “Austin Powers: Goldmember”. I went to the first "Powers" twice and the second one thrice. My favorite character in part two was Fat Bastard, so I greatly looked forward to seeing his return in part III. Though he was only in one major scene, I was on the floor throughout it (the scene starts at 7:30 of this link and continues here). Tom Cruise surprised with a cameo in the film.

Part I Part II Part III Part IV

My Thoughts On Christmas

I love how Christmas has two mascots: Jesus and Santa.

And how ironic is it that when you flip the letters of Santa a bit, it turns into Satan. Jesus and Satan together again just like in the good ol' days. I believe a number of things in the Good Book, but not the Manger story. That's the justification for giving gifts over the holidays; because the Wise Guys gave them to Baby Jesus way back when (or maybe it's cuz of Santa).

I'm certain the story was written many years later as a way to address Jesus's birth. But they forgot to fill in the blanks as to what he was doing between the ages of 1-29. It's like he fell off the face of the Earth. Make something up, whatever, but don't say he was born and then pick up the story three decades later. We don't get to see the man develop, see how he came to be the person he is. By the way, if the Bible is the end-all, be-all, why is there such a thing as Christian book stores?

I love Jesus. It's hard to find a better way to live than the philosophies he espoused. But some of the stuff the church fathers made up about him are really messed up, so much so that Thomas Jefferson created his own account of the Gospels in which he took out all the miracles.

The Immaculate Conception thing is totally ridiculous. It infers that no one who is born from their parents can ever be good as Jesus. I don't think Jesus should be worshipped so much as emulated. People will say no one can be as kind as Jesus, but if you choose to do so every minute, it can be done.

Many people think the Gospels were written by the disciples when in fact all of the writers knew about Jesus only second (or third) hand and through prior oral accounts. The four books weren't written until decades after Jesus' death.

Some time ago, I read the account of a man (www.nderf.org/wayne_h's_nde.htm) who crossed over and while on the other side, had a riveting experience in which he learned what he believed to be the truth about Jesus. However you feel about NDE's, the following makes much more sense to me than the Gospels' origin story:

"I had the 1st person experience of the one called "Jesus." I had his entire life (remember, time does not exist). His name was not Jesus, something more like Josephus. He had regular mom and dad, no God intervention. He had a difficult birth and an NDE during birth. He had a difficult childhood because of his near death experience, he knew too much. As he got older, he began to tell people about his experience. He told people not to fear death because they would live forever. He told people that after death, there was perfect peace and a perfect state of love. He told people that everyone was exactly the same and everyone could know who they really were and awaken to their spiritual self."

"He drew a small crowd of followers. After a time, some of his followers wanted to form a religion and replace the Jewish priests because of the money and power. He cast the power mongers out of his following. Five of them conspired against him. At his trial there were three witnesses against him, all were his followers. He was hanged (not crucified, he was just a petty criminal to the Romans). Being in a hurry, the Romans cut him down a little early and his loyal followers carried his body off. He revived having had a second near death experience (his "second coming" so to speak). He lived for awhile hiding from his 5 traitorous former friends, but died after a bit from his injuries."

One of the reasons I don't go to church is because the religions stick to their ancient texts without realizing that there are actually better books out there, books that can be used to inspire even more greatly than the Bible. My favorite author is Neale Donald Walsch. I was fortunate enough to meet him this past summer and wrote quite extensively about it here. He has written some stuff that puts most all of the Old Testament to shame. Check it:

"You are goodness and mercy and compassion and understanding. You are peace and joy and light. You forgiveness and patience, strength and courage, a helper in time of need, a comforter in time of sorrow, a healer in time of injury, a teacher in times of confusion. You are the deepest wisdom and the highest truth; the greatest peace and the greatest love. You are these things. And in moments of your life you have known yourself as these things. Choose now to know yourself as these things always."

"When you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts—thoughts that negate your highest idea about a thing—think again! I want you to do this, literally. If you think you are in a doldrum, in a pickle, and no good can come of this, think again. If you think the world is a bad place, filled with negative events, think again. If you think your life is falling apart, and it looks as if you’ll never get it back together again, think again."

"Worry is just about the worst form of mental activity there is—next to hate, which is deeply self destructive. Worry is pointless. It is wasted mental energy. It also creates bio-chemical reactions which harm the body, producing everything from indigestion to coronary arrest, and a multitude of things in between. Worry, hate, fear—together with their offshoots: anxiety, bitterness, impatience, avarice, unkindness, judgmentalness, and condemnation—all attack the body at the cellular level. It is impossible to have a healthy body under these conditions."

"If you want guarantees in life, then you don’t want life. You want rehearsals for a script that’s already been written. Life by its nature cannot have guarantees or its whole purpose is thwarted. Know and understand that there will be challenges and difficult times. Don’t try to avoid them. Welcome them. Gratefully. Cultivate the technique of seeing all problems as opportunities. Opportunities to...be, and decide, Who You Really Are."

Worst Movies: Number 4

1997 was one of my favorite moviegoing years. It started with the re-release of the original Star Wars trilogy and ended with the behemoth "Titanic" (I go into much greater detail on the films I liked that year here). I went to dozens of movies in '97, so it's no surprise that one was a complete dud. The 4th worst movie I ever attended was a sci-fi/horror flick starring Sam Neill from "Jurassic Park".



Here's a brief synopsis of the film (courtesy of Reel Views):

"In the year 2047, the deep space rescue craft Lewis & Clark departs on a two-month journey to Neptune. Their primary mission is to go into a low orbit around Neptune and make contact with the deep space research vessel Event Horizon, which was initially thought destroyed seven years ago. The would-be rescuers are to search for survivors and salvage anything that's reclaimable, but no one is prepared for the horror that lurks deep within the dark corridors of the dead ship."

Like number 5 (Blair Witch 2), this is a movie where it didn't get really bad until the last half hour or so (the previous 60 minutes was just foreplay). As the paragraph above indicates, it did start out with a good premise, but just fell apart as time went on. There are a number of great sci-fi/horror flicks out there (Alien & Aliens, in particular), but this one wasn't even a quarter as good as those.

More interesting than the movie itself was what occured at the screening: There were two teenagers sitting a few rows in front of me and throughout the film, especially near the end, one of them would jump when something scary happened, and it wasn't a minor jump, either (he was genuinely startled). He did this at least 5 times. Pretty funny stuff. I wonder if his buddy knew about this prediliction beforehand.

Like "Blair 2", this movie can be watched in its entirety on YouTube. Go here to get started.

Reach Out and Touch Someone

I sometimes miss the days of having a conventional phone. You know, the kind you could slam on somebody's head and they'd be unconscious for half an hour. Remember how if you were really pissed at someone, you could slam the headset on its base and the person on the other end would get their eardrums blown? You can't do that with mobile devices. Close your flip phone and the other person will just think you're out of range. I have an old-school phone in my basement and am tempted to hook it up for shiggles. I remember twisting my finger around the cord while yakking it up with friends and how you couldn't leave the room while on it: You were stuck there until the conversation was over.

I watched a great independent movie a couple weeks ago called "We Don't Live Here Anymore".

Starring one of my all-time favorite actresses, Naomi Watts, as well as Mark Ruffalo, it tells the story of a guy and a girl (both of whom are married) who are having a affair. The film is set in the early 90's which makes sense because if you think about it, cheating can't be as easy these days as it once was, not with the advent of the cell phone. In the early days of Clinton, you could tell your beloved you were gonna be out for four hours and there was no way they could find you or check up on what you were doing, not unless you followed them or hired a private dick (pun intended). Though not a masterpiece, the movie was quite satisfying in three major ways: it dealt with real emotions, had no special effects, and gave me much to think about after watching it.

Two decades ago, my brothers were the kings of getting maximum use out of Alexander Bell's invention. On many evenings, they would call pizza places and have them deliver to a house up the street. It would always be amusing watching (from their house in the dark) the pizza man going up to the house and telling the occupant he had the pizza they "ordered". On one occasion, the guy actually bought the pizza. They would also call cabs to the same house and watch as the driver sat in his cab, waiting for his "customer" to come out. After a couple minutes, he would honk his horn. The boys always loved watching what would transpire. One time, two cabs from different companies were both in front of the house at the same time.

FOX Apologizes For Showing Schlong

Minnesota Viking Visanthe Shiancoe was inadvertently shown naked on television while a FOX camera crew taped owner Zygi Wilf’s presentation of the game ball to coach Brad Childress’ 19-year-old son Andrew, who is joining the Marine Corps on Monday. Shiancoe was standing behind and to the side of Wilf with a towel partly covering his body. But not completely.“It obviously was an oversight on our part and we apologize,” said FOX Sports vice president of Communications Dan Bell.

In a separate piece, Shiancoe later said to a reporter, "How'd it look?"

Worst Movies: Number 5

As 2008 draws to a close, I'm counting down the 5 worst movies I've ever been to. This only includes films I went to see at the theatre (nothing I saw on TV or video). Let's begin, shall we?

Number 5 was a sequel to a movie I actually liked. Part 2 had a much bigger budget, but was less than half as good as the first. I didn't realize how bad it was until the last half hour (guess I was hoping it'd get better). The movie I'm referring to is 2000's "Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows".



The entirety of the film can be viewed on YouTube. Click here to begin, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Thanksgiving at Old Country Buffet

I spent last Thursday afternoon with a friend of mine. He has no family in the area, so I sought to show him a good time on Thanksgiving Day. We watched some of the Titans' annihilation of the Lions before heading to one of the only restaurants open that day, Old Country Buffet.

I'm not a fan of buffets and rarely go to them (I prefer to have my food cooked to order and at regular restaurants, the likelihood of running into a carny is significantly less). I was able to compromise, however (especially when I found a coupon that reduced our admission from $12.50/person to $9.50).

We arrived a little after 3pm figuring that since it was the middle of the day, there wouldn't be as many people there. Boy, were we surprised. The line was almost out the door. Nothin' to do but wait. We talked as the line steadily moved. While engaged in conversation, I noticed a lady, a hostess, who looked quite a bit like a girl that I graduated with almost two decades ago. She was wearing glasses and a bit heavier than back then, but dang if she wasn't the spitting image of her. Why would she be working here, I thought. Oh yeah, that's right, we're in a recession.

As we got closer to the cashier, I hoped I would see my favorite buffet cliche', a big guy wearing overalls with a John Deere cap. There were people of all stripes at the restaurant. It was a regular global village. Obama would be proud. As we got close to the front of the line, I noticed people were having trouble finding seats. Yikes. I might have to eat turkey on the floor.

It was just then that I got a good look at the girl who resembled my former classmate. My eyes widened. It was her. This was proven conclusively 5 seconds later when I saw her nametag. I told my friend (who graduated the same year as I). He said he didn't remember her as clearly, but felt she looked familiar. After we paid for our grub, I said, "Hi" to her and believed she recognized the two of us. Luckily, we were able to get a booth right away.

The line to get turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberries, and all that jazz was not inconsequential. It actually snaked back around itself (kinda like W). I had a bit of a problem figuring it all out (though not as much as this guy). I told my friend to have a go while I held our seat and got something to drink (two small glasses of blue Powerade). I noticed in the center of the buffet a guy carving turkey, ham, and steak. Boy, was his arm gonna be tired tomorrow.

Most everyone in the restaurant was in a good mood (though some were more antsy than others to eat). Feeling our seat was safe, I got in line. Determined not to overdo it, I wound up getting a medium cut of turkey, some mashed tatoes, a cinnamon roll (I'd forgotten its pleasures), and a smidge of cranberry sauce. Oh, and a slice of pizza (I was probably the only person over 30 that day to take one).

My friend and I talked about work, social activities we've pursued of late, and the Marxist tendencies of Obama.

While eating, I noticed a man of Asian descent working quite feverishly at clearing tables and getting people refills of water and coffee. As my friend went up for another helping, I gave the man a dollar bill (I would've given more, but only had 5's and 20's besides the single). Nonetheless, he was incredibly happy when I gave it to him (he must not get many tips).

The high school lady walked past our table a couple times while we ate, but didn't look at me, instead taking a gander at my buddy. Had I lost my touch? Was she pretending to look at him while looking at me out of her peripheral? Did she notice me eating with my left-hand and feel she should steer clear of such madness? No matter. It was good to see someone I remembered fondly from my high school days.

Binge Drinking

Christmas Time Is Here

I have just over 40 Christmas CD's. Some are great (Chris Isaak), some not so much (Toby Keith). My collection tilts heavily in the country direction since that was my favorite type of music from 1992-2001. No matter the quality, I like to listen to all my Xmas discs during the holiday season. To do this, I need to listen to at least one per day (I usually take one or two discs with me in the morning and am able to listen to at least a half hour's worth of music over the course of a day).

When going to purchase Christmas presents (hopefully not at Wal-Mart), I'll bring my headset along and knock out a few discs. I have a new Christmas disc to listen to this year. Several months ago, I purchased "Now That's What I Call Christmas 2" at Goodwill for a few bucks, knowing I wouldn't be listening to any of the tracks until at least late November. The same thing happened a couple years ago with Chris Isaak.

One of my favorite Christmas discs is Diana Krall's Christmas Songs.

It's perfect for a cold night at home. A few of the tracks are downright melancholy, not a bad thing since the holiday season isn't always happy (you can sample the tracks at the above link). My favorite song on the disc is a remake of the Peanuts classic, "Christmas Time Is Here". Here's what one reviewer says of Krall's version of the song: "Christmas Time" is quiet and poignant. It just seems to whisper to the night sky to loose its grip on the powdered snow while the fire rages from the hearth. It comes draped in that blanket of warm fuzzy feelings."

This is one of the most heartwarming holiday videos you'll ever see.

Whatever kind of Christmas music you like, whether it's Josh Groban, Alvin & the Chipmunks, or none at all, may you all have a very blessed holiday season.

Hello, Everybody

By Joe Kita

Hello.

It's one of the first words we learn as babies, yet it's one of the last ones we think to use as adults. In our never-ending rush to get something or somewhere, it seems we don't have time anymore for this most basic of gestures. And that's unfortunate, because saying hello is more than just saying hello. It is an acknowledgment of existence. It is a pause, however brief, to affirm another's worth (and have yours affirmed in return). How might the world change-how might we change—if we mastered this word? To find out, I spent one month saying hello to every person I met. That meant strangers on the street, people in cyberspace, and even myself in the mirror every morning. Here's what I learned:

Continued...

My Dream Church

Since I’m more of a spiritual person than a religious one, I don’t go to church, but if some church were to put together something like the following, I would turn into a regular so fast it would make a Hoot Owl’s head spin:

Have all seating be extremely comfortable, ridiculously comfortable like the finest movie theatres. Serve a wide variety of healthy juices, Crystal Light Fruit Punch, in particular. Start the service by playing some really groovy techno music and encourage parishioners to dance with others of the opposite sex, even if married. Watch one of those cool videos where it looks like you’re traveling through space really fast (like at the end of “2001”).

Have everyone look at the person next to them, say “I love you” and actually mean it. Sing a few inspiring songs like Madonna’s “Papa Don’t Preach” and Britney’s “Piece of Me”.

Go over a few pages of works by Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, or Neale Donald Walsch. Have someone speak of specific ways to let more love into one’s life (hint: give more love). Pray for Joe the Plumber (even though he's not actually a plumber). Do a 15-minute seated meditation. Give hugs freely as others share what they’re going through.

Colege

I attended Winona State University in the early 90's. Here's a beautiful picture of the campus in winter time:

One thing I liked about college is that you could sit anywhere you wanted in the classes. I've always enjoyed sitting in the back row and off to the side. That way, the number of people that can stare at me is kept to an absolute minimum. In the rear, I don't have to be concerned about people talking behind me, distracting from what the professor has to say.

It's been generally proven that those who sit the closest to the front tend to get the highest grades and vice versa for those who sit in the rear. I was a happy exception to this rule as I didn't let sitting back there distract me in any way from what the teacher had to say. My eyesight was perfect, so I had no problem seeing the board from 30 feet away.

One of the most boring college classes I ever had was Human Resources. Not only was the subject matter incredibly dry, but the teacher totally spoon-fed us the book (she didn't lecture so much as just read the chapters to us). To make matters worse, we had to sit in a circle as if we were about to play musical chairs. One afternoon, I couldn't take it anymore, so took an earbud out of my pocket and placed it in my right ear (which faced away from the teacher). I pressed play on my cassette player and listened to a number of country tunes (my favorite genre at the time). That made things a tad more tolerable. A couple people noticed me doing this, but didn't say anything. I'm definitely not the only one who was put to sleep by her. Check out these quotes from her RateMyProfessor page:

"She is so boring! Never actually worked in the industry, so really has no valid teaching experience. Reads right out of the book."

"She makes dirt seem more exciting than this class. She curses like a sailor and rambles."

"Very boring. She will put you to sleep. She can be witty and a little funny at times but dry as hell."

"She is the most boring, old fashioned hag I've ever met."

"Her lecture notes are so old that the paper has a yellow tinge to it."

"She treats you like you're in grade school...every other seat or different color tests so you don't cheat!!! She's a weirdo alright"

"When she talks, watch out, don't sit in the front, cause when she says it, she sprays it as well!"

One class that I still can't believe I made it through was Statistics II. I had to drop it one quarter because I came down with depression. About a year later, I had to take it again, but all they had available was an 8am class twice a week that lasted 1 hour and 45 minutes. Being able to drag my ass to that class every Tuesday and Thursday is something I'm proud of to this day. The man who taught it is actually the husband of the woman who taught the Human Resources class described above. Here's his RateMyProfessor page and some choice quotes from it (you'll notice a pattern start to form):

"Likes to crack jokes just to wake ppl up at 7.30 in the morning"

"Pretty good Prof. He has a nice curve so you should be able to get a B. You'll get a C for sure."

"He likes to make a lot of jokes that occasionally end in awkward silences."

"A mad scientist I say! So many little quirks and idiosyncracies. Awesome guy and fairly easy. Sometimes lectures on a masters level, but doesn't test on it. Makes jokes about material and no one understood it enough to find it funny!"

"The guy tries to have fun in class but he says jokes that no one laughs at because they can't feel their arm from writing notes constantly for an hour and a half."

"Jokes are definitely odd...just laugh and he'll move on..."

Hearing Voices

I believe that I get a bit more enjoyment out of reading than most people. How so? Well, when I read an interview with, say, Conan O'Brien, I recall what he sounds like in real life and then use that voice in my head when reading what he has say. This makes the interview much more interesting as it feels like I'm listening to an audio recording of the person as opposed to just reading about them.

One of the most fun interviews I ever read in this way was a profile of George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and Matt Damon on the release of their film "Ocean's Thirteen" last year.

I loved changing the voices in my head (shit, that makes me sound crazy, dun'it) as each one said what was on their mind. If you've never done this before, give it a shot:

TIME: When you have so many stars in a movie, and it's the third in a trilogy, how do you keep it from going off the rails and becoming Cannonball Run 3?

CLOONEY: Well, we like to think it's more like Lord of the Rings, in the trilogy sense.

PITT: Wait, what's wrong with Cannonball Run 3?

DAMON: I don't even think there was a Cannonball 3. Look, you have us confused with deep thinkers. You've already put more thought into why we did the movie than we did.

TIME: Shall we talk politics for a moment? I'm sure like most actors you're all watching the Republican field, just waiting for a candidate to get behind.

CLOONEY: I'm just hoping Gingrich gets in. Come on, Newt! Actually there's a really good field out there. I like Barack Obama a lot. I've spent some time with him.

PITT: You just cost him votes.

CLOONEY: I've actually had that conversation with him, just saying "Look, I'll give you whatever support you need—including staying completely away from you." Actors have done a lot of damage to candidates lately. My father ran for Congress in 2004, and it was "Hollywood vs. the Heartland!" My father was Hollywood.

PITT: I'm just hungry for some honesty and leadership. And I'm following them all—on all sides.

DAMON: I'm an Obama guy too. I think a lot of the problems in the world would be mitigated if he were the face of our country. I haven't ever met him or talked to him, but he's the first person in a long time who I've been inspired by.

CLOONEY: When other politicians stop and listen, that's how you know what charisma is. You can't teach that. He walks into a room and you go, "That's a leader."

TIME: As we're talking, there are paparazzi in boats out in the harbor taking pictures. Having just been through the celebrity muck of Cannes, who gets it the worst?

CLOONEY: There's no question, it's Brad.

PITT: Well, exponentially, with us together ...

CLOONEY: But even before he was with [Angelina Jolie], we used to chum the water with him.

PITT: This is not a joke. They used to send me out to take the hits.

CLOONEY: We were at the airport in Italy. So I walk off the plane, and it's "Hey, Giorgio!" And I go, "Look! Brad Pitt!" and they're gone.

DAMON: You described it once as "People were stepping on our faces trying to get to Brad."

PITT: Ah, well, I don't take it as a compliment.

I was recently given Obama's 2006 book "The Audacity of Hope". Since I hear Barack's voice in my head as soon as I open the book, I must read each page at the rate and cadence in which he would speak it. This means no speed reading (Obama never speaks fast). It'll take me that much longer to read it, but for authenticity's sake, I think it'll be worth it.